Setting The Scene In The Storm

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Thanks for joining me here again today on a beautiful Monday morning. I am coming to you straight from my backyard. Today it is pouring. It is coming down. I have the cats out here with me. You might even hear the dogs in the background. But they're they're in their enclosure. They're barking. And for those of you who know me, you know that I live on a small farm, so you might hear roosters at times. Nature at its best, right? But I wanted to be in this element because I am in a good place. And I wanted to share some things that I've been dealing with because in talking to friends, family members, or even strangers with what I do for work, I meet a lot of people, and we have a lot of conversations, and these people share a lot with me, more than you would expect, being that we're strangers. But there's something about trusting something maybe that is intimate or personal with a stranger because there's very little judgment, or simply because you don't worry about ever seeing them again. So I realize that I have so much in common with these people. I realize just how much that I'm going through and what I've gone through in the past few years, and that I'm not alone, and you're not alone. So I'm going to share in this particular episode three four things, three to four things that have been weighing heavy on me. And this is going to be really open, really raw. I'll be vulnerable in this particular episode, which is why I don't have a guest or a co-host with me today. I'm going to share what's on my heart, mind, and soul. And hopefully you find that you can relate and realize that you are not alone on your own journey. I'm going to touch on regrets. I'm going to touch on making horrible decisions when it comes to finances, taking risks. I'll touch on mortality, you know, the concern that we have once we hit a certain age, watching friends pass away. And um finally gratitude. What still matters the most to me. So hang with me. It may not be as exciting of a conversation, but it's a much needed one. Or more of a monologue, really. But I hope you're here with me. I hope that you're listening and I hope that we can connect. And if I in any kind of way help you with this conversation, don't forget to reach out. You can always email us at manhoodmatters podcast at gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you. Or just leave us a review wherever you listen to podcasts and leave a comment. Let us know how this was or helpful or how it had an impact on you. So, without further ado, welcome to Manhood Matters. Let's get to it. So here's what I realized a while back. Um Most people aren't lying about their life. They just they just editing everything. So you get a glimpse of what's going on, but you only get the good. You don't see the bad. Whether it be on social media, whether it be in person, we get every person's perspective or their own reality. But what you're not seeing are the hard moments. And um we are too hard on ourselves because we judge ourselves. And the way we do that is we measure our progress of our lives against others. If you are living on a deserted island, life might be a lot simpler. Very lonely, but it will be a lot simpler because you have no one to compare yourself to. You know, the highlight real hide the true human story. Um, and if we're really honest, a lot of us are struggling privately while smiling publicly. So here's one of the first things that I want to bring about. This has everything to do with regret. Now I try not to live myself with any regret whatsoever. And I'm big on recommending to others to not think about you know what you could have done, what you should have done, what you could have said, or nothing like that, because you are where you're supposed to be. If anyone knows me, you'll know that's one of my favorite things. You are where you're supposed to be, whether it be geographically or where you are in life. So I don't spend too much time, too much time uh thinking about what I could have done. But in 2024, my father passed. He died in June of 2024. So this is almost two years. And um the reason it hit me as hard as it did is because I had not talked to my dad in I want to say about 10 years. The last time we spoke, he had moved back to Haiti. He was upset about something that I needed to do for him, that I needed to handle, some kind of paperwork. I didn't get to it fast enough. And quite frankly, I didn't like the way he talked to me. And um never reached back out to him. That was it. So that was it. I will tell you, my dad was very far from very far from being the perfect dad. He was even further from being a good husband or even a decent one. He had a lot of faults. And he had some qualities. A lot of qualities. He was brilliant, he was educated, he was an artist, a poet, um, he was an athlete. So much of me comes directly from him. It's just his genes are strong. You guys can hear the rain is getting heavier, but hang with me. So much of who I am comes directly from my dad. The good and the bad, especially the bad, because I see a lot of things that that I deal with and that I struggle with, and maybe the way I handle certain things where I know that I might have lost my shit because I had his temper. I say had because I've learned to control that and you know curb that kind of behavior because it doesn't help anyone, especially not me. But the reason I stopped talking to my dad was really stupid, it was really silly, and as a grown man, I will tell you that any man listening to this, and and and ladies, if you have a man in your life, a son, a brother, a husband, a boyfriend, I can tell you with absolute certainty that that man is always wanting his father to be proud of him. That man is always aspiring to do things that his father will be proud of, even if he surpasses his father in so many ways, like I felt I had mine. But there's always this thing where I want my daddy to see. You know? Think of it like when you're five or six years old and you look at your parents and you're like, Mommy, look, mommy, look, and you do some stupid shit like a cartwheel. It's not even done right. Um, and the parents kind of passively just, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see it. I see, great job. Or sometimes they don't even look up and they say, Great job, but the kid feels amazing. Because it's something about that feeling of admiration from someone that you look up to. It's an amazing feeling. And you as a grown man carry that. I have a good friend of mine who lost his father also a little earlier than I did mine, who says the exact same thing. And he says, you know, he wonders if his father would have been proud of him and what he would have and what he accomplished. Of course, the answer to that is yes, because he's he's someone that I personally look up to, and I I wouldn't see any reason why that wouldn't be the case. Um, but I I think about what I've done. I think about something as simple as, well, it's not simple, but even family. Look at the wife I married, look at the children that I have. My father never met my youngest daughter. She's ten. You know, he's never met her. In fact, yeah. I've I can't remember at this point whether or not he knew that she was even born. I want to say that maybe she was a few months old when we spoke last. So at least he knew of her but never met her. And I regret that. I regret not reaching out to say that I love him. I regret not reaching out to say that I forgive him for what you know he could have done, should have done. Again, there goes that phrase again, but for his shortcomings. And he needed forgiveness from many of us, my brothers, my sister, my mother, and who knows, you know, who else. Um, and it's not my place to to hand out pardons, but I wanted to personally let him know that I forgave him. Now I don't know if my dad got wiser in his last days, but last last we spoke, I don't know if that would have been received as I would have hoped. Simply because my dad was the kind of guy from the last interaction we had who would say something like, forgive me for what? You know, um, just totally unaware. Just not realizing that he had his faults. And he'll be the first to say, hey, I'm no I know I'm not perfect. I'm a human being, I I have I have my my issues. But if I would have said, hey dad, I wanna let you know that I forgive you, I I can hear him. You know, what the hell did I ever do to you? Um not realizing. And I'm not going to go into what he did or did not do to me specifically, and it's not my place to talk about him as a husband and and as a father to my siblings. But I do forgive my dad. And I wish I I wish I told him. Whether or not it started another argument, or whether or not it sent me, you know, closing back up into my own shell not to have this argument with him. It's um something I wish I had done. When I got the news, I was um doing a training. I had gone to Nashville for work, and I got the news, and I didn't I didn't know how to react. Um I was on my way to see a customer. I got the news, I pretty much moved on, went on with the uh the appointment, remained stoic the entire time. Uh it was three hours of me interacting with the homeowner and one of my um one of my sales reps and just handling the entire thing without anyone knowing, and it started to creep up on me. Almost like when you're getting a cold, you get that tickle in your throat, and then it gets you know you start to sneeze and you cough a little bit, and it's just the the symptoms start to get worse. As the day progressed, I just kept getting worse and worse and worse, and I had this feeling in my gut, and I felt guilty because I also felt that that there was something wrong with me. Why am I not breaking down or crying or why am I not emotional in this moment? How can I continue with work? But it was a shock of it all because on the way back home I had a uh say a four-hour drive back to Atlanta and I had a hard time. I had a real hard time in the car. So I I had to stop several times, but there was there was one particular stop at a red stop at a rest stop. Turned out to be the most beautiful rest stop you've ever seen, if one could say such a thing about a rest stop, but there's there was a lake there, and I I don't I don't know. I hope I see that place again, and it was right at sunset. So the sun was coming down over the lake, and I felt that it was I felt that this beauty of nature was one last call from my dad. You know, I I don't know if it was, I have no idea, but I know that my dad also loved nature. He would he would often gaze at the wonder of God and say, look at God being this amazing artist and talk about certain things and not take anything for granted. He would see a tree, he would see even a rock, and and just talk about the shape of the rock and how the average person might just you know walk on by and just go about their day without thinking about any of this, but he would stop and smell the flowers, so to speak. So in that moment, I found that I was emotional and I could not stop crying. This went on for feels like hours. I want to say I was there for at least 90 minutes, maybe, maybe two hours, and the entire time I wept out loud. I thank goodness I was alone and I I talked to my father as if he were right there. I talked to my dad as if he were right there, right next to me. I I asked for forgiveness. I told him I forgave him. I shared some things that I thought he would know or would want to know. Um yeah, and this went on for for a little bit. So if you have a situation like that, if there's someone in your life that you wish you would say something to, think about my story. Because to this day I still go on and imagine that my father is here. There are times that I accomplish certain things that I'm proud of, whether it be, you know, in in life or with family or whatever it may be, I feel at times that he's there, not even in a spiritual sense, just as if he's next to me, where I could just explain certain things and and and just have a conversation with him, which is really strange because we were close before we stopped talking, but not that close. We weren't best friends, we were cool, but not best friends. So my assumption was there will always be more time because my father was he died in his 80s, so you would think it sounds batshit crazy for me to say I thought it'd be more time, but when I tell you my dad was healthy and vibrant and had all his faculties and could still even get on the soccer field, you know, maybe his his cardio wasn't the best, but he could still hang. I would I never thought he would go without us having a chance to reconcile Emmy traveling, going to Haiti and having this conversation with him and spending time with him. Again, y'all hear the rain is coming down even even harder. But um yeah. The hardest part of losing someone, you know, it's not the funeral. In fact, his funeral was horrible because I couldn't go. I was the only person responsible for him. Not my brothers and sisters, not anyone else. He had no other family really he did, but it's a strange family. Um, in terms of there is no glue. There is no there is not this one thing. There is not the spirit of the hive that doesn't exist in the family I come from. The family I create, yes, at least I'm trying, but not the family I come from. So I believe I want to see my brothers spend me a couple hundred bucks to contribute. Um I think my sister also did. And my my aunt and my mother um came through a little bit, but the bulk of it, the expense really and the responsibility was on me. So I handled everything and I could not go to Haiti because at the time it still kind of is that way, but at the time Haiti was kind of rough, you know. Um just go back in your Google archives and see what was going on in June of 2024. So we had to get a link, and I had to watch these people on camera while I was out. work put my daddy in the ground and um I was dealing with some other bullshit at work so I could not even afford to breathe in the right in the right space so yeah time is ephemeral it is not something you have yes it's it is a construct but in this body in this physical human form it is not finite for any of us so do take the time to assess and take stock of what the issue really is and make a decision make a conscious decision on whether or not it is worth you losing someone without ever having closure with that person you know um you know it's a I'm I'm thinking of a quote from John Mayer he says in one of his songs say what you need to say before the moment passes it's simple nothing crazy just say what you need to say before the moment passes the second thing that I'm that I've been dealing with it seems like every time I turn around you know on the same subject of mortality someone that I know or a friend of a friend of a friend passes and these people are all in their forties and 50s sometimes younger some unexpected illness something crazy heart attack you name it and it's gotten me to a place of contemplation you know what happens next what do I truly believe am I sure of what I believe in fortunately for me the answer is yes and the more to me it's not even so much a belief it's gotten me to a place to where it's a knowing or a remembering which I'm very fortunate to have and feel every day and also receive a lot of signs that help me with my it helps me in a sense to where I feel serene I feel at peace because I know what's next but I had me to think for a while because if you're not in a place where you're comfortable with death there's a sort of anxiety that I believe you you kind of live unless you're really really young and you know a lot of people in my audience they are really young early 20s and not really thinking about it then why shouldn't but if you're a little older I recommend you find peace with what's on the other side and for some people I know it's uh religion for some people I know it's heaven um I even know of a few pastors who are selling real estate in heaven which is the funniest shit I ever heard in my life but it's out there whatever you believe in I believe that it's a lot easier if you find more certainty in that belief. And if you're listening to this going well how can I be certain well just ask people who are super religious because they will argue with you that they know exactly what's going to happen. They know where you're going for not believing in what they believe and they know where they're going. You need to have that kind of certainty. Find out do some soul searching because the answer actually lies within and once you're comfortable in that place I find personally that life for me has become easier that way and I don't I don't feel the anxiety that I used to feel in terms of rushing to accomplish certain things because as things unfold for me I feel the unfolding to my benefit no matter the situation like the worst shit could happen and I'm still here like this is to my benefit in some kind of way and I approach everything that way so I'm super grateful for that. You know Seneca said it's not that we have a short time to live but that we waste so much of it so be intentional I guess that's my message here be intentional do what you want to do say what you want to say as John Mayer said but be intentional with in your purpose in your daily life even if it's just look I'm just sitting here chilling I'm just gonna sit here and think what you don't want to do is have life pass you by and you don't realize where the time went which happens to a lot of us so be intentional write down some goals write down some plans don't be totally attached to the results just be focused on your journey and do everything to the best of your ability focus on your passion and I don't mean to not be realistic and pragmatic I just mean that if you focus on that passion and you do everything based on how you feel about this thing that you're totally driven by you cannot do anything wrong. And something if something doesn't quite work out it's not meant to work out because your higher self knows the third thing I want to talk about today is uh financial struggles and debt if uh you listen to this podcast and or you know me from the outside I look like I am killing it and the closer you get to me the more you realize um if I want you to know if I don't want you to know you're not you're not gonna know this you know there's nothing about me that says that I'm struggling but if I'm gonna be completely honest I'm gonna be completely honest on this and on this podcast here and let you know that I have struggled with death for the past four years. It hasn't been easy it's been an uphill battle no matter what I try to do has turned to absolute business shit. You're not alone you're not struggling alone as a man when people are counting on you it makes you feel like the worst piece of shit on the planet when you can't deliver and you can't face your responsibilities or you can face them if you want by they're kicking your ass having an amazing wife who doesn't emasculate me make me feel less than by saying hey I got your back and not just saying it but acting that way has I can honestly literally save my life I'm sharing something that I've never said to anyone but it has literally saved my life because when you're not able to be whole in that sense when you're not able to accomplish what you know you're supposed to accomplish and face your duties and meet your responsibilities you feel like you're not a complete person. You feel like it's a complete and when you're young it's okay to kind of figure it out and just think I don't know just kind of go around wondering you know what your purpose is like once you hit the certain age I'm gonna say personally I think your age is 40 if you haven't figured out what your purpose is I'll tell you exactly what your purpose is if you don't know what it is your purpose is to face your responsibilities it is to take care of yourself and take care of others under your stewardship it is to guide others it is not for you to just frolic in a prairie full of roses looking for happiness it is to serve that is your purpose if you don't know what it is if you know what it is well then you know what it is it's none of those things that I just said so in my case I did not know what my purpose was at 40. So I was looking and I realized much later that everything I just said was my purpose. I knew one thing I knew I had responsibilities and I knew I had to face stuff. And when you're not in a financial situation to where you could do that or when you are in a financial situation to where you can but you gamble it away by trying something bigger. That's something else that I take after my father my father is a risk taker you know he kept telling me hey I'm gonna be a millionaire I'm gonna be a millionaire you just watch and he believed it through and through to his core he believed that he was gonna be a millionaire he would not die broke. So anytime there was an opportunity that others would see as well that's kind of risky or downright stupid my father would say shit hold my beer and he's in I'm the same way I don't do conventional I don't do nine to fives I'm an entrepreneur I'm an artist I'm a businessman but admittingly I'm not exceptionally good at it I'm learning I read books I listen to different podcasts I try to go to different seminars I am a glutton for training and any type of knowledge someone can impart on me I'm happy to take it I don't I used to have a big ego not so much anymore you know I've I've uh I guess I guess I've developed my my humility muscle that's allowed me to listen more and talk less obviously you can't tell from this podcast but in relation to others I do my very best to listen and to learn and to observe so I would take chances on a business and I would fail and see what a regular person would do is say okay this didn't work out let me um recalibrate and try something else or let me get back to the conventional traditional ways of making money no not me shit I lose$20 I'm gonna try and figure out how to make$50 real quick so I can gamble that$50 and try to make my 20 back and then some because I still believe in the dream. And I will keep believing in the dream especially when someone else was attached to that dream because I also I'm not naive but I do believe in other people I believe in honesty and I believe in if you say something to me and you make me a promise I believe you. I believe in that promise and I've in my 50 years on this earth I have not learned to distrust I still think that people are inherently good and I do believe that if they lie to me it's not because they meant to lie to me but it's because something's changed and maybe they didn't have the courage to tell me. Now I know that sounds silly as shit but that's how I approached it in business for a while so when I would fail I would go again for round two get my ass kicked again go deeper in debt not be able to tell my wife or face my face my reality and then I would jump in again with both feet to try to make up for what happened and this was the snowball that kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger and over the past four years it's been kicking my fucking ass. I'm just now coming out of this just now from 2022 just now maybe even 2021 just coming out of it to where I can say I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm extremely optimistic and not in the sense that I've been optimistic like a child who's dreaming in the past but because I have put pen to paper I've looked at a plan I'm working for a different company as I'm building my business so I'm not just putting all my eggs in one basket and I believe I I found the right vehicle to get me to where I should have been 10 years ago but if you look from the outside if you kind of look at my house and you look at you know what's going on and yeah you'll be impressed but again don't believe what you see now I'm not out here showing it off I'm not on Instagram posting my house posting my land and I'm not doing any of that shit but if you're invited if you come over and you know you'll see it and you'll think that you won't know this trouble. And what's interesting about that is I say that because in my business now or what I've done in the past several years I'll go I'm in the service industry where I go to people's homes and I would pre-judge the house you know some little piece of shit house maybe it's a little shotgun type house or whatever it is and I'll start pre-judging these people and those people have the money to do what they need to do whether it be get on your roof um HVAC they have an emergency fund they they just live a certain way for whatever reason and I'll go into the nicest homes worth millions of dollars and when it comes to getting my services yes they want to get it and we try to finance those people and guess what their credit was shit they would not qualify because they are house rich or I'm sorry they are house poor they look like they have a lot but they're totally house poor can't function can't breathe so don't look at others don't measure your life against other people don't measure your success against other people I always say success has to be an individual it has to have its own individual definition for each person now within reason right I I don't think that if you're you walk up to a homeless person I don't want to sound all crazy woo woo and shit and say oh that person is successful if they think they are that's bullshit no that person is not successful let's be real but if you have the basic necessities and you define success in your own way whatever that is then you're successful so for me for example my personal definition of success is the following it is my ability to do whatever I want whenever I want with whomever I want so if I want a vacation I don't have to beg someone to take time off I don't have to wonder whether I whether or not I could afford to go to the islands or wherever success to me is not you know shitting in the in a goddamn golden toilet that's not success to me that's wasteful that's stupid it's not driving a supercar a Bugatti and changing cars every month that's also wasteful and stupid to me now it's successful it is success for someone else who feels that it is that's fine but for me if I could do whatever I want whenever I want with whomever I want then I'm happy and I'm successful so what is your definition of success what do you think it is what do you feel it is what do you know it to be you know I've learned that struggle doesn't mean failure it just means that I'm still in a fight so you know every successful person that ever I've I've ever talked to I guarantee you and they've shared this with me as well there's a few chapters in their life they'd rather skip over you know so even when I when I did hit what I would call rock bottom I realized right then and there was it can always be worse you know I've never gotten to where I said well I've gone as low as I can because I would think that and immediately get news of someone who was ill terminally or I'd go out I was in uh Vegas for almost a year I was there for a long time with one of the business that I was fucked over by and totally failed and um I would go out and there's a lot of misery in that city you see a lot of homelessness you know um people who just are doing horrible and I would see that I would take my last chunk of change and I go get me some breakfast at Denny's and I'd I would think about how man I'm not doing great at all right now because I have to watch the price on the menu before I order and I wasn't I wasn't comfortable with that I would be like well shit I'm at Denny's I should be able to eat but I would look to see how much something cost and then I would put it in perspective because as I was walking in there was a man covered in filth right outside of it who had nothing. I was about to go inside and eat and my only concern was that I was upset that I had to look at prices on the menu you know so rock bottom isn't the end it is a foundation you know one of my favorite quotes I used to talk to my team about whenever they would be doing bad in sales I would say you know um it's not falling in the water that drowns you it's staying there this is not my quote it's something that I've heard and I was you know when people are in a rut things are bad I would remind them falling in water is not enough to drown you it's staying in that water so it's about movement it's about action it's about perception it's about you realizing that you are more than enough it's about you realizing that you can get out of the situation and also as I mentioned earlier um on when I when I I think when I first started speaking I said that it is also understanding that everything that's happening in your life it's happening for your benefit if you approach it that way and think about what that lesson is what should I get out of this why am I going through this I know it's not bad for me even though it appears to be that way what should I do how do I turn this into a positive if you live that way I promise you things get easier at least mentally and that's where it all starts let's see Finally, I want to talk to you about gratitude and what still matters to me. So I started a journal and I started writing here and there a few things I was grateful for. And then I fucking stopped. And I gotta tell you, in that one week that I was doing it, I was feeling great. Because things again will be in perspective. Not typing it on your phone, but pen and paper and write down three things, five things, ten things. Even if it's the same thing that you're grateful for, I'm gonna go back to doing that because that week, every day was amazing. Some horrible shit still happened, but I felt good about the fact that when I left my house, I wrote down that I'm healthy, that I was grateful for my health. I wrote down that my children were healthy because that's even more important than my own health. I wrote down that my wife was healthy. Again, I give my life for these people. So, and if they're ill, if something's going on, there's little to nothing that I can do to help them. So, in that sense, every day that I wake up and there's no bad news, they're bouncing around full of life, I'm ecstatic. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the fact that I still live in an amazing home that if people visited or saw would be would think it's nice. That's I'll say that and leave it there. I'm grateful because I have an amazing, amazing skill set. I'm in sales. I will always work. If I'm fired or I lose an opportunity by morning, I could walk into a car lot and sell cars that afternoon. I have literally walked into situations, into offices who weren't hiring and just said, hey, I want to see the president or the owner, and I was hired on the spot simply because I was able to talk myself into an immediate interview and then talk myself into a job that was not posted that they had not even budgeted for. That's an amazing skill set, and I'm grateful for it. It didn't come easy, I had to learn it. People always say, Well, you're a born salesman. I can tell you that's not true. I speak three languages, and English is my third language. It is not easy for me to sit here and talk to you without thinking sometimes in my own language first before I translate what's going on in my mind into English. So when I'm in in front of a customer and I have to give a two, three, four-hour long presentation to help them understand that my product solves the problem that they are having, even though they might not even realize they're having a problem, it's not always easy to do, and I had to learn that. As I said, I had to become more humble in order for me to learn and do it the right way. But I'm grateful for that skill set. You know, I'm grateful for primarily how much I am loved. I know it sounds selfish, but let me tell you what I mean. My mother loves me more than I've ever seen any mother love a son. I am grateful for that. My wife loves me more than I've ever been loved by any woman. And I'm grateful for that. And she shows me every day. She's real, she doesn't fake anything, she doesn't mince words, which pisses me off sometimes. Actually, that she is irritating as hell. But she is who she is. She's respectful, but she loves me and she shows it to me. This is a woman who should have left me five times already. We've been married four times. I mean four years, five four times, shit. We've been married four years, and she should have left me five times. Now, each time there is an incident, I don't mean um anything with infidelity. I'm faithful to her and her only. I will always be. But just dumb shit. You know, I talked about the financial death and the struggle. My wife's not used to struggling. She's a career woman. She's done great for herself. Getting with me, well, then you have to embrace my own struggle. And that's not easy. I'm grateful because between the two of us, I have six children. I don't have stepkids. I have children. And I'm grateful because they're healthy. I'm grateful because they're amazing. All in their own right. And I watch them develop and go on on their own journey, sometimes with extreme frustration, because I want them to do things a certain way and they are not doing it. And I realize that it's okay that they are gonna, you know, they'll fuck it up a few times sometimes before they get it right, and that's okay. That's part of their journey. It's a journey they chose that they're on, and spiritually I must respect that. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that I have two amazing, beautiful grandchildren. My oldest daughter has um twins, twin girls, and they'll be six this um in May. And I'm grateful I get to see that. I'm excited. I don't know if I'll be here, but I'm so excited about walking them down the aisle one day. So whenever I think about my longevity, whenever I think about when I'll be around or if I'll be around, I just picture myself walking one of them down the aisle, and it gives me my answer. And I'm already grateful for that day. The things that matter, they matter. The shit that doesn't matter doesn't matter. I know that sounds really simplistic, but what I mean by that is we tend to twist shit around. We tend to take things that don't matter and we we bring them all the way up. If there was a meter, you know, scale of one to ten, we would think about a particular job, a particular friendship, um, a relationship, things that really shouldn't matter because they're not pouring back into you, and then we elevate those things. And that is not it's not to your benefit. Focus on what matters, focus on the things that serve you. You know, even in the hardest of seasons, you know, there are things that are absolutely worth protecting. Your peace is one of them. You know, the the presence of struggle in my mind does not cancel the presence of blessings. And I have plenty of those. You know, um purpose is something that I've come to grip with lately. Purpose for me has shown up through the chaos. It's through my my my turmoil, it's through everything that's going wrong or that's gone wrong in my life that I've found purpose. So sometimes that's what you need. So my closing thought. Don't forget to you can't live without regret because you will have some, but make sure that you are focusing on the people that matter in your life and not let too much time pass. As far as other types of regret, I I don't think it's you know not that it's not it's not that it's not real. It's just that you should not focus on something you could have done or said in terms of business or anything like that, because or maybe you got into a horrible relationship and you regret the relationship. But remember that relationship and that heartache and turmoil shaped you into who you're going to be, who you currently are. Okay? Your financial situation, the same. Don't live for others, live for yourself. And I'm not saying to quit early, but reassess and recalibrate. This way you can pivot in a way that it makes sense business-wise. Don't be like me, who just kept on gambling it away, in a sense where I was making horrible decisions because I wanted to make up for the last decision. Be grateful every day. Show up. So my closing thoughts. You know, if you're listening to this and your life isn't perfect, good. That means you're human. And it means you're still trying, you're still loving, you're still showing up. And if that's the case, then you already b you're already doing much better than you think. You know, perfection is it's a performance. It really is. Because real life is messy, it's uncertain, and sometimes it's painful. Shit. Sometimes, oftentimes it's painful. But it's also where the meaning is. I appreciate you. I thank you for listening. I love you. And if you need it, I am sending you my strength. Thanks for listening. I'll catch you next week.