SPEAKER_03: 0:00

I'm waking up to you every day. I would say. But your ex is getting the same benefit she's getting without having to put up with your attitudes, your moods. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I know you like to think you're perfect, but No, I I I I know I miss it. Yeah, so you got one that's in the house that's paying the price to be able to, you know, enjoy your ability to provide. Then you have the other one, y'all are not together for a reason, or she loved for a reason, and still benefiting from you without the commitment. You know, that is a huge issue, particularly for your new relationship.

SPEAKER_01: 0:33

We go back to childhood and everything, right? We don't see no successful relationship. I have no one like my grandma and grandpa. I never seen them kiss, never seen them sleep in the same room. I'm 32. My mom and dad, I told my dad divorced my mom 50 times in the last 10 years. But the people that I seen that I thought that was.

SPEAKER_06: 0:54

Welcome back to the pod. This is season two, episode one. Happy New Year, everyone. I wish you all the best in 2026. Now, we had an amazing season one, over 50 episodes recorded, over 50,000 downloads. I am grateful to you for showing up, and I promise to keep delivering. Now, when we ended season one, I told you to stay put because we're gonna have a hell of a show to start off the new season. And as promised, there it is. Now, stay with me because this story kind of bounces back and forth a little bit, and it might be a little bit confusing in the very beginning, but just like a Black Mirror episode on Netflix, it comes together and you'll get it. You're about to hear the incredible accounts of a guy who is more than a friend, is more like a brother to me. He has done and continues to do all that he can to be the best, the most present father a man can be. But his ex, well, she more than benefits from his generosity. I'll leave it up to you to see where boundaries were crossed or even if they were established in the first place. He has a new relationship, and things kinda get muddy. Now I know his heart. So on this panel, we have Simone Centena, the host of the Dear God Let Us Pray podcast. We have my friend Darren Tate, an extremely bright and wise individual, and we kinda let him have it. But are we right? Is it fair? Because you see, my brother James stepped up, he did something that's extremely courageous by coming on this platform to talk about his mistakes, his story, and hopefully it helps someone else. You know, as men, how far are we willing to go to meet our obligations when it comes to our kids? As a woman, what are your expectations when it comes to your ex in regards to your kids? Welcome to manhood matters. Let's get to it. So welcome to the pod, brother. Thank you. Your story is one that I've been wanting to tell for a very, very long time. And the main reason is there's a lot of guys out there who have good guy syndrome, and we get called different types of names. But when there's a situation to when there is an ex, and there's a situation where there are children involved with an ex. X, you don't, you know, you could cut that off anytime you move on and whatever. But when there are children involved, it's very difficult to um not do certain things for them, but it's also very difficult to justify the length through which you're going to do certain things, make it make sense for the rest of the world and the new person in your life. So I'm joined today by the ever so lovely Simone Santana.

SPEAKER_00: 4:25

Hello, hello.

SPEAKER_06: 4:26

All right. We got DT Darren Tate up in the building. What's up, brother? Hey, what's going on, man? Yeah, man. That voice. You should do your own podcast, bro. Yeah, I've been hearing that a long time. Man, you're right. Two hours work for me. Yeah, it is a lot of work, but you got that radio voice, and we have James, who's gonna tell us his story. Jump right into it, because I'm dying to hear this. Kind of tell us where you are now, and we'll talk about what led to it.

SPEAKER_01: 4:52

Yeah, so right now I've been, I say I've been officially divorced since March. Officially. Officially. For the third time from the same one. What? I don't wait. Yes. So you're gonna have to start, let's just start there. Yeah, so um I would deploy 2020 during COVID. Sent her$3,000, do the divorce paperwork. We broke up beforehand. I don't know too much about divorce. I give her the money, I'm thinking everything done, come back. Oh, I'm not divorced. Fast forward from 2021 all the way to 2023, filed for divorce divorce papers again, December 28th. But it was during that Christmas time, so it was was until January the 7th, 2024, when they actually filed the paperwork. I get the alert that filed. I think everything good. I ended up moving to Florida, moving her and the kids to Florida.

SPEAKER_06: 5:50

Okay, let's stop there. Okay, so before you go into you move her and the kids to Florida.

SPEAKER_01: 5:55

Um You confuse on how I I wasn't divorced after that time. Yeah, yeah. So I didn't know I was in divorce again, right? I didn't find out that I wasn't divorced until she up and took the kids out of Florida one day. And I'm like, okay, I gotta get a lawyer.

SPEAKER_06: 6:13

Okay, so then I guess for the story to make sense, tell us, I guess, go from where you moved her to Florida. Yeah. So you're moving to Florida and you decide to move her to Florida and why?

SPEAKER_01: 6:23

Yes, so I had uh a son on the way when I came up with an idea. Say what? My third son, he was coming, right?

SPEAKER_06: 6:32

So with her, you have two children?

SPEAKER_01: 6:34

Yes, with her I have two, and then with the woman I'm with right now, I have two. Okay. So 2024, I'm about to have my third son. My thought process is I grew up in a household with my father. Even though we grew up in the same household, we wasn't like, I don't remember him throwing me the football and things like that, right? He wasn't in the sand for um for my games and stuff. So my thought process was I can't be there for this new child and not be there for them. Because at that point, they would live in Jackson, Mississippi area. So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna just move them to Florida so I can give them access to the same resources that my youngest at that time were gonna have.

SPEAKER_03: 7:15

That makes sense to you, Darren, so far. I'm I'm following. I I'm trying to capture this thought process. Yeah. Uh I I can definitely see the good guy syndrome.

SPEAKER_01: 7:26

Yeah, you know, it it's one of those things, you know, just looking at it. I'm thinking of Fisher. I don't want my kids to be like, oh, we don't like you talking about my youngest son because you had daddy and everything, and we didn't.

SPEAKER_03: 7:40

Yeah, let me ask you this. Why you didn't just uh claim for the children? Why you didn't try to get custody?

SPEAKER_01: 7:46

So good luck with that shit. Yeah. Good luck with that shit. That don't work that way. You know, when we get to that point in the conversation of the whole courts and all, is like at mentally I knew that, you know, from what we see as a black man, as a man itself, I'm about to win in court. Right? Um before that, I would deploy for a year, so she had the kids. Um when we when we split, um, I was traveling around working. Like me and Sephone were working together and it was traveling. So I wasn't there and we wasn't together. So it's like she had the kids. Um so I could, it wasn't a thing that she wasn't a good mom. Just in my eyes, she just wasn't a good person. So taking the kids away from her hurting in that way, that's something that I didn't want to do because I don't want it done to me. So it's like, you know what? Let me find a way. I believe in win-win situations. Let me find a way that the kids can win, I can win, she can win as well. That's why Florida was the idea. People don't like Florida.

SPEAKER_06: 8:50

Yeah, Florida's nice.

SPEAKER_01: 8:52

Yeah, beautiful.

SPEAKER_06: 8:54

So up to this point, you move to Florida, you're about to have your third child with your current woman, all right? And you want to make sure that the other two boys with your ex don't feel like, hey, we don't have access to dad, he's not around. So you decide to move everyone to Florida. Absolutely. She's in the same neighborhood.

SPEAKER_01: 9:19

Same neighborhood. Sixteen houses down. Sixteen houses down. Yeah, so the thought process was, you know what? I don't, again, going back to how the kids think, right? I don't want the kids who say, hey, we like daddy house, because daddy house got so much stuff, right? So my thought process was, you know what? I'm gonna make the houses identical. So I got five bedroom house, she got one. The only difference is in mine, the master bedroom was downstairs. In hers, she had all five bedrooms upstairs. I went to Best Buy, got my washer and dryer. She got identical wash and dryer. Yeah. The TVs, identical. Same amount of TV. The only difference is I don't do TVs in my bedroom. So she had one more TV than I did. Right? So we got the TVs and all the. Oh shit! That's how it works. So, I mean, it went all the way down to furniture. Got the furniture from the same place. I got my furniture, I FaceTime her, I showed her like the bed says, She picked what she wants, we were good. Um, you know, I moved, I moved into my house in April, the kids finished school at the end of May. Went down there, got their stuff, put everything in the house, they came, we were good. I thought, you know, it was like a little community thing, you know. So sister-wise situation. Nah, nah, nah, I knew that work. No, not that. I knew that wasn't gonna work. I knew that wasn't gonna work, you know. Um with the ex and then, like, you know, my girl's military. So she had that.

SPEAKER_06: 10:49

She got that your current military.

SPEAKER_01: 10:50

Yes, yes, military. Yeah, so she got that alpha dog in her. Mm-hmm. And then she's and then she's from Fraser.

SPEAKER_06: 10:56

So Yeah, so that's a that's a double whammy right there. Yeah, yeah. So how's she feeling about all this? You're doing all this, your woman is watching you do all this for your ex. Because as a guy, I'm looking at it like, dude, you can do for your children, right? By proxy, the ex is going to benefit from that. Correct. But there's a limit in my mind. I'm like, yeah, I may move you down, but you don't need to be in my neighborhood. You could be, it's just you and two children, and the boys are young enough, they're probably gonna end up sharing a room anyway. You don't need five-bedroom, three-bedroom is more than fine, even if they each have their own bedroom. You're gonna get a washer dryer, you don't have to get the one that my wife picked, you know, top of the line, and everything, TVs. I'm thinking as long as I provide to a certain level, I don't have to do all of this, and I'm still showing up for my children, and and I still they still have access to me and all of that. What made you go to that extreme? Was it something from, like you said from earlier, from your own childhood, where you felt like, hey, my dad was there, because you're to this day, you and your dad are close, and you were raised in the house in the house with him, and I know a lot of men who weren't, so you kind of feel like there was an absence even though he was there. Right. Did that play a part in it?

SPEAKER_01: 12:19

Uh yeah. So it was a fact that they never been to an NFL game. There ain't no NFL team in Florida, I mean in Mississippi. So it like, you know. It's nothing in Mississippi. It's nothing. So even from basketball education side. They don't got hockey. Nothing. I mean, where we at in Tampa area, we got hockey, we got baseball, we got soccer, we got everything. Yeah. And my kids, uh, my my oldest, he was playing soccer, and um he loved Messi. So, and Messi was in Miami. So it was like we had, to me, Florida was a gateway. You know, I'm I'm thinking, like I said, I'm thinking down the future and all. I understand it, you know, I know I know mostly every guy I know they take care of their kids from afar. They in those types of situations, but you know, we were I was already dealing with a toxic woman in a way where she was feeding my kids with information that wasn't true. Right? And the only way I got that thing where it's hard for me to defend myself. Like, you're gonna believe it, you're gonna believe it, I'm gonna move how I move. But can't do that with kids. And it's hard to battle mama in that situation when you're not around. So the only way I knew for me to show the kids who I truly was, they had to be in proximity. They had to see me interact, right?

SPEAKER_02: 13:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 13:46

Seeing me and their mom interacts, remember, we wasn't together no more for a reason. The things that they seen, how we interact, it's not what I wanted them to see, how we interact, right? Um, how love's supposed to be and stuff. So growing up, my mom and dad argue all the time. So once that argument got to a certain level, I'm like, yeah, nah, I'm gone. So I wanted them to be able to see that love do exist. And daddy wasn't this guy, right? That mom trying to portray him out to be. I also needed less friction for this to work, right? So it couldn't be, hey, I'm in this little two-bedroom apartment, and look at you living your good life on top of the hill looking down. So I try to make it as easy as possible to I, you know, the guy we used to work with, Wilmar, he used to say the best suggestions are the ones you know that coming, right? I look at it, okay. She can say this, she can say this, she can say this. I eliminate everything she can come up with. So if it don't work, it's not because of me. So I literally had that conversation with her. I said, hey, don't be the reason why Florida don't work. I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure it works. I feel though I did that, and it still fail.

SPEAKER_00: 15:00

I I do have a question though. Um, well, first and foremost, I do believe that you taking, well, bring the family down, I do commend you on that. Thank you, thank you. Um, I most definitely see the thought process on that. And I'm saying that as a mom myself, I guess for me, the disconnect was everything seemed centered around materialism. So, like, do you feel as if um there was some sort of validation because of the things you purchased, or was it still based on like that proximity of having your children around?

SPEAKER_01: 15:33

Yeah, so for my kids, it was other thing other than the material thing. However, she my ex. I don't owe her any emotions or anything like that. Only thing I can provide her is material.

SPEAKER_00: 15:47

Right, but you were talking about like, you know, you got this kind of washer and dryer in your household. You got the exact same, you know, for your your ex, like Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 15:57

So the reason for that is because at some point I knew it was gonna be a a walk in the house type of thing, right? And I wanted when she came in, I don't, like I said, I didn't want to create that jealousy of the lifestyle, right? And that's what the main thing. So if you got the same thing I have, you can't be jealous of what I have.

SPEAKER_00: 16:24

Did she ever get jealous?

SPEAKER_01: 16:26

Because that still doesn't sound I mean, she she left for a reason.

SPEAKER_00: 16:30

I mean, it sounds, you know, like jealousy still can be created in that kind of space. I was just wondering, like, you know, especially thinking from the perspective of your current woman. Like, you getting this, you know how you getting this like everything we gotta be in our house, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03: 16:45

I was thinking like the same thing, and perhaps we're jumping too far ahead in the in your story. But as your new wife, I can just only but imagine that there's nothing special that you've done for her when you're doing the same thing over here.

SPEAKER_01: 17:02

We had that conversation. We we literally did, and and again, I was I was thinking from a selfish place in the beginning. I'm thinking I was just thinking about I just need my kids. Like, you know, the kids first, everything else gonna fall into place. So I remember we was, I think we were in Nashville, and we was chopping, and um, I was buying the kids some clothes because I told them, hey, it was gonna cost too much, too much money to transfer everything from Mississippi to throw it all away. I'll get y'all some new clothes when y'all come to Florida. And we was chopping, and uh, and I told her, like, hey, I'm gonna have to give her some money so she can get some new clothes. And she was like, And so that so basically, so basically what you just said, and she said the same thing. She looked at me and said, I'm concerned because there ain't no difference. I don't know how to differentiate between us. Right.

SPEAKER_05: 17:56

You know what I'm saying? Like, for sure.

SPEAKER_01: 17:58

I'm in the house. Like my thought process, I'm in the house with you.

SPEAKER_03: 18:01

I'm waking up to you every day. I wasn't. So your ex is getting the same benefit she's getting without having to put up with your attitudes, your moods, or nothing. You know what I'm saying? I mean, you know, I know you like to think you're perfect, but no, I I I I know I miss it. Yeah, so you got one that's in the house that's paying the price to be able to, you know, enjoy your ability to provide, then you have the other one, you know, that like you've said it like three times, y'all was not together for a reason, don't you love for a reason, and still benefiting from you without the commitment, you know, that is a huge issue, particularly for your uh new your new relationship.

SPEAKER_00: 18:41

Like I understand that, you know, the ex would benefit, you know, because of the things that you're doing for your kids. But the buying her clothes, oh well, I would give her money, so it wasn't like I was. Stealing works the same thing as me smoke.

SPEAKER_01: 18:54

Hey, so you know, I we we go back to childhood and everything, right? I I would just talk to my cousin the other day, and I told her, like, we don't see no successful relationship. I have no one like my grandma and grandpa. I never seen them kiss, never seen them sleep in the same room. I'm 32. My mom and dad, I told my dad divorced my mom 50 times in the last 10 years. So it like, you know, the the people that I seen that I thought that was happy and married, they divorced now. You know, I don't have no blueprint, right?

SPEAKER_06: 19:30

Well, what does that have to do with you and your ex? Because the blueprint that you should maybe you're forging it yourself. Yeah, it has to do with you and your current wife, not you and your ex. I guess, and and I remember this conversation because you and I talked about this maybe a couple of years ago, where you were telling me what you're about to do. What'd I tell you?

SPEAKER_01: 19:48

You told me I was dumb.

SPEAKER_06: 19:51

Don't do that shit, man.

SPEAKER_01: 19:52

Hey, lucky luckily my girl wasn't yours.

SPEAKER_06: 19:56

I swear to God. Yeah. Well, I think anybody else would have killed you, bro.

SPEAKER_00: 20:03

Mm most definitely would have killed you.

SPEAKER_06: 20:04

Yeah. And she's from Memphis too. Yeah. But the thing is this, right? Because the thing is this. And I there is there's a piece of me that really, really understands, right? Um because as a father and I have exes with children, it's hard to explain it to anyone else that I'm doing this for my kids. And then we justify certain things that we do that are not really appropriate. Or do we don't have to go as far. But in the moment when we're doing it, we feel like I'm doing this for my child because my child's gonna be traumatized and this is what I want them to see. And I would do stuff like that, not anywhere close to what you did. I think you took it to the next level when you're like, no, no, no. Because again, if I get you a house, because I want to be in the same state with my children, and I get you over to the next city, you know, that's close enough. That's good enough. I can drive 40 minutes. In fact, I prefer you about an hour away, right? And that's cool because I don't want my wife jogging in the neighborhood and your ass is outside. I don't need that to happen. Yeah, I know it happens. So that's gonna happen because they're the same on the same street. So that's that's already uncomfortable. Then when it comes to the things that I buy, I'll buy everything for my kids. I'll do everything for them. I don't care if you're on the your last bit of underwear, it has nothing to do with me. I'm not buying the woman anything. So I think that's kind of where you cross the line a bit, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_01: 21:27

I agree. I agree. And you know, it's uh I'm in sales. In sales, it's you know, I got and at that time I'm at I'm at the peak. I'm making more money than I ever made in my life. I'm making more money than some families members combined and all. So I'm high right now. Right. I and probably had like that little God complex at that point, man. If I put my mind to, I can I can make anything happen, I can make it work. I had a delusional belief that anything that I thought, I can make come true. Right. So my whole thing was I wanted a community. I just wanted, I just wanted this ideal of a family that I knew I couldn't wasn't able to have. However, I'm like, I might as well give it a try. You know, and like I said, I'm just now understanding, like, I created more problems. Um I I were better ways I should have done things. I should have kept everything separated, and maybe we'd be in a better spot today. However, everything happened for a reason, you know? Yeah. Um always, right? And the reason is you learned a lot. Yeah, well but I learned I wasn't divorced. Yeah, so you know, we so here we are, we may. May would rate. May would rate June. Um, I tell her that, you know, right now I'm working off these custody papers from the second divorce I thought I had, right? Um, and we said I supposed to have the kids during the summer and stuff, but no need. Right down the street from each other. Yeah. So I have a conversation, they go on, do joint custody. You keep them for a week, I give them for a week. You know, Wednesday to Tuesday. We do it like that. We pick them up from school on Wednesday, we do the trade-off, right? So we would do it.

SPEAKER_06: 23:14

Identical houses. Kids won't even know the difference.

SPEAKER_01: 23:17

You know, the only difference is in their rooms were a little different. Like they had the stuff at Durr, but it was up to her to decorate. But we decorate Durr's a little bit. You know, my son, he wanted to do a podcast. So I he got a gaming computer. He had holes set up in the house and all. And then my uh CCO, he got a little race car bed he had behind him. He had like a little uh license plate with a name on it. Love it. But uh so we we did all that, then certain things, issues kept popping up, right? Things that shouldn't be an issue. I take the boys to try out Taiwan Do, and then here go here we go. How do y'all make a decision for my kids? I'm like, what she talking about? My time with the kids, I wanted them to do Taiwan Doe. I don't need your permission, take them to Taiwan Do. So she just started finding little things. You know, me, I'm I'm a busy man. So when they were at the house, they were with my my current. And I'm gone. Because they can be in that house, like, you know, and then she was teaching them how to cook. She would teach them how to clean. And remember, I've been on a roll. It would it hurt me to know that at that time my my uh he was nine at that time. He didn't know how to tie his shoe. I didn't know he didn't know how to tie his shoe. So my current is sitting there teaching him how to tie his shoe. And he goes home and he I he called me, like, mama showed me a different way to tie my shoe. I'm sitting there like, you been in that house for nine years and you didn't know how to tie your shoe. Now she got a different way. So it's like little things like that, you know, it was it were the phone calls or the text. I don't want my kids in the kitchen cooking. Why not? They love cooking. It ain't like they pouring the drease in a deep fryer. It ain't back in the day where we got the little hot skilly, we pouring the drease in, throwing chicken in. We got air fryers. It's no drease. Like, cooking is safe these days, you know, don't want them to use a knife, but they cutting up tomato with butter knives and all. Then, you know, we had a military, so I want my kids to have some type. I I go into their home in Mississippi, I seen how it was looking. I like, nah, not here. So I'm I got them cleaning up behind themselves. They little boy, they pissing all on the toilet and stuff. I go in there and see it. Oh, nah. Here go this chlorock white, get the cleaning and all. They tell their mama, daddy make me clean. I don't want my kids to look in the chemicals and stuff like that. Go somewhere, right? So it will kept on being more and more stuff. So fast forward to around July. I'm telling her that, hey, you got two, three months in. You ain't got no job yet, you need to be getting a job. I put some fire on her. I said, um By the way, did you get her a car as well with the house? So I didn't get a car with the house, but I did help her get a car.

SPEAKER_00: 26:02

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01: 26:03

So 2023, um, the car that she had when we were together got total out. Right? Her mom and dad said, I'm not, we ain't helping you get no car. It's his kids, he can help you. Alright, so I'm not there. My kids got to get to school. So I went, I I had to co-sign on them for a car, right? So she she did have a car, it had my name on it, all I was paying the car note. She hasn't had a job since 2023. You paying the car note. Yeah, I was paying the car note. All right. But at this time.

SPEAKER_00: 26:36

She is living the life.

SPEAKER_01: 26:37

She was, she was. Um, you know, and that's why I thought stuff took easy. I heard how single mothers was and and all that, how they were with the kids, and they were struggling and stuff like that. I'm like, you shouldn't complain. You nowhere near all of that. But here we are, I'm telling her she got paid$700 a month and she booked. She buck hard.

SPEAKER_06: 26:58

On a house that has a rent of like three grand, car note, phone bills paid off.

SPEAKER_01: 27:04

So I told her she had to pay half of her car note. Okay. I told her she had to pay her car insurance, her phone bill. That came out to be$700. Total. Total. Right? Right now, she lives with her parents and her name. No, she paid her parents$600 to live with them. Right? I said$700. All I wanted. I was gonna pay the rent, the bills, and all to get you a job,$700. You can save, you can do what you need to do. I'm gonna put you in position. I ain't gonna make, I had you move to Florida. I know the cost of living a little bit higher. I know you don't got the degrees and stuff like that to get a high-paying job. I'm not gonna put all this on you. I'm still do my piece. She bucked on that. And um next thing you know, it was they the kids started going to school down there. Then um it was my day to pick them up from school because they're gonna be with me the night before I'm on the phone with my oldest. We talking about Taiwan, though, because he supposed to be getting his white belt um that day. My youngest are uh my middle one, he had already got his white belt the week prior. So he like, I get my white belt today. He practiced on it, he sent all his um numbers and stuff in Korean. He practicing, he ready. So I'm like, Yep, I'm gonna come pick you up after school. We're gonna practice a little bit. You're gonna get that white belt today, right? I get a phone call from my cousin, because it was, we had a little carpool thing, so it was her week. She was taking the kids to school. My cousin had an eight-year-old son. And um she called and said, Hey, she didn't come pick up my son today. I'm like, what time is it? Oh man, they must overslept. I said, Don't worry about it, take care of it. Go be on the door. No answer. I'm not paying attention to nothing that's going on. Call them, like, man. She must uh they must be in their sleep. So I had a um, I had the garage door opener for the things. She was like, go get the garage door open, go get them up. They don't need to be missing school and all that. I'm like, all right, done deal. No, I'm calling the phone, no answer. No, done deal. I go get the garage door opener. I open up the garage. You know, when you open the garage, you can see that there's a car in there before you even go all the way up, right? I said, it's no car. She must have just left when I left. She must have just left, dropped the kids off, you know, and also I'm like, we good. But as I'm closing up, I'm on the phone with my cousin the whole time. As I'm closing the door of the garage, you know, the little liquid uh lingerie detergent. It was one of them on the ground that was crushed, like it been ran over and got the laundry detergent running out of it. I'm like, hold on, Bianca, something wrong. She's like, what? I said, I don't know, something wrong. It's something don't look right. Then I look up, now I'm now I'm paying attention. I look up, I see um the uh containers that they had some stuff in that I brought when they moved, sitting in the garage empty. I'm like, nah, something ain't right. I'm like, I don't know. So I go in the house, go in the house. As soon as I turn that corner, you know, in school, they got these little binders. Both of the boys' school binners is sitting on the kitchen table. I'm like, they binders here. I don't think they went to school. I walk, I turn the corner like a little end table. They be in the little hallways sitting right there. My current girl, when she um when when Patrice moved down there, she had bought her, like, you know how female give them like little gift baskets. It's sitting up there. Both of the boys have.

SPEAKER_06: 30:36

Your current girl gave her a gift basket.

SPEAKER_01: 30:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06: 30:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 30:39

Yeah. It was uh like a a welcome home type of thing.

SPEAKER_06: 30:43

Like she she was really doing a lot for you. Yeah, hey. Like when I tell you she was doing all the shit.

SPEAKER_01: 30:48

She she put her best foot forward. She put her best foot forward. Three best feet forward. Hey, so we sitting there and I'm I'm on the phone with my cousin, and you know, the kids, they had air tags inside their backpack. So I'm looking at the air tags sitting on the table, and I'm telling my cousin, I said, they gone. She's like, what? I said, she done took the kids. And I run upstairs. Because at that point, they got a dog. And I'm like, the dog ain't came to me yet, nothing like that. So now everything clicking to me real time. I run up, sirs, it's like clothes on the floor. I'm looking, like, yo, yeah, they gone. I'm like, what's going on?

SPEAKER_06: 31:26

So describe the scene. So is it all chaotic? Like she ran away, type stuff? Because the way you're describing it, it sounds like she had to run out the middle night.

SPEAKER_01: 31:34

So, so no, it was, it was calculated. To have the air tags, to have the gift baskets and stuff sitting right there like that, it was calculated, like I want you to see this. It's like the thought process was I'm gonna come through the front door and see it, but I don't have access to the front door, only had the garage door opener. So when I seen that, it like it was perfectly sage before I was like, I'll fuck you, like, got your ass. Yeah. So here I am sitting there, like, oh man, I'm about to break down, but at this point, I'm like, nah, I don't know how long they they left. I can catch them. So I'm trying to figure out. I call her mama, mama don't answer. Call her daddy, he sent me the voicemail. I said, nah, nah. Call her mom again, no answer. I'm sitting there. I call the police because at this point, I'm like, nah, they don't know nothing. I'm gonna just say, hey, I got some kids missing and all. Police tell me there ain't nothing they can do. I'm sitting there, like.

SPEAKER_06: 32:32

Why not? You said kids are missing, why not? Because they're with their mom or something.

SPEAKER_01: 32:36

Because they're with their mom and uh.

SPEAKER_00: 32:38

It's considered a civil issue, right?

SPEAKER_01: 32:40

And they don't get they don't get involved. I'm sitting there like, why do I get amber alerts? Like, I'm saying I'm saying, like, what all this stuff I get, I won't, I want it right now. So we had a joint bank account that she forgot that we had to joint. That's back when we were together.

SPEAKER_00: 32:56

Okay, I'm gonna say mine.

SPEAKER_01: 32:58

It was back when we were together. But y'all know how joint bank accounts work, all right? So when you login in, you do your stuff, it only have your name on it. So she forgot that I had access to that account. So I'm looking at it, I'm like, she gotta get gas somewhere. Then boom, she got gas in Tallahassee, four hours away. So I'm I'm like, all right, I'm calling Tallahassee police. I'm like, hey, we're just here. I'm trying I'm trying, trying. Then her mama called.

SPEAKER_06: 33:25

You don't know this dude, right? I'm I'm gonna tell you something about James right now. James is the most stoic, poised, almost unemotional dude I know. So I can hear the panic in your voice even as you're saying it now.

SPEAKER_01: 33:38

And that's probably the fastest you've ever moved. Oh, facts. Um at this point, I'm still in the garage. I ain't left the garage at this point. You know, I I have even, at this point, my girl, she don't even know what's going on because I'm too busy focused on the issue itself. So um, yeah, so I'm sitting there like, all right, they in Tallahassee, I'm calling them, like, hey, go get it. Then her mom called. I said, Where Patrice? She's going with the kids and all. And she was like, oh yeah, they on their way here. I'm like, huh? I'm like, what's going on? Like me and her mom had just talked. And the craziest piece of it is, you know, like her mom, a week before, I two weeks straight, I was trying to set up a call where her mom kept telling her, hey, Patrice spiraling a little bit. Like I can see it, right? And her mom was talking about, we were me and mom were talking about suicide and stuff. And when her mom brought up the word suicide, I said, I'm glad you said it. I did not want to say anything about it. Because she tried to pull that when I would deploy, right? It was like uh a quick Facebook post that my cousin seen and he sent it to me all. Her parents were at the house. She was outside on the trampoline, she made a little Facebook post about ending her life and stuff. And um, at this point, I'm saying I'm concerned because, you know, like even though I have no emotional ties to you, if you hurt yourself, my kids are gonna be devastated. So I'm like, I don't want them to have to deal with that pain. And like you said, I'm not that emotional. I can't nurture my kids through that. Like, I don't have the tools inside of me to be like, it's okay. I I'm just capable, not capable of it.

SPEAKER_06: 35:16

I don't think most people would, but it's it's you really are self-aware, you know, to know that because it's not an easy thing to do it.

SPEAKER_01: 35:26

No, so would it be, I should say. Yeah, so you know, her mom was telling her, said that, yeah, she said that you were mistreating her and all. I'm saying, like, I'm mistreating her. Yeah, you ain't giving her no money, you letting them serve and everything. So they go back to the reason why I needed my kids with me because the things she feed to people. And like, I I done had to go through so many lives with people dealing with her and everything. So I'm sitting there like, all I asked her to do is get a job and pay$700 a month. Like, everything else paid for. I'm not mistreating. I'm just not about to give you money to go shopping, party, and all that, because that's not my job. My now I'm understanding I did a lot that I probably shouldn't have done, but I did have a limit. Like, my What was it? I got to say, what was it? The necessities. Like, can you drive? Can you get around? Can you get gas in your car? Can can you feed the kids? Like, you know, like once I did the initial help to get down there, I pulled all the way back because at this I did my job. Right? You got the house, you got the water pay, you got the light, you got all of those things. I'm now I'm not doing the I don't contribute to your day-to-day life. Right? I got you your foundation. I'm trying to teach you how to build on that, but you got your foundation that I ain't gonna, you know that no matter how hard life gets for you, you're gonna have a roof over your head, the kids ain't, you know, you're gonna be clothed, all those things.

SPEAKER_00: 36:51

And she's gonna be clothed.

SPEAKER_01: 36:53

I mean, she can't be running around here, you know, looking crazy.

SPEAKER_03: 36:56

But look, there's a couple things that I hear. Stefan, uh he mentioned it earlier, like he commends you, I commend you, and putting forth such an effort.

SPEAKER_05: 37:08

Right.

SPEAKER_03: 37:09

What was created out of this, it sounds more like you're trying to protect yourself from experiencing certain emotions and feelings, but your kids were the benefactor of you protecting yourself. Not to say that they wasn't your main focus, but I believe they was the secondary, because in this conversation about three times, you've mentioned about your ex and what you didn't want to go through, what you didn't want to feel, what you didn't want to experience, you know. So to protect you from experiencing those things, you went all out to give her no excuse. But at the same token, it was for you to protect yourself from not experiencing those things, which means you cast it upon your children and put the weight of that whole relationship on them.

SPEAKER_01: 38:02

I can see that. That's deep, bro. Yeah, I I can I can I can see that. Because uh it was one time, like I said, uh it was one time we were in a garage and I didn't want to do it. I had to. Um, and every phone call we did from June all the way up to March of this year was recorded. Like I I had over seven to two hours of recordings because I had I had a feeling, right? But I'm in the garage, I'm talking to her because um the boys about to go to school. We were getting ready to go to school. The school she wanted them to go to was a school that had three percent blacks. And I'm sitting there like, no. In Mississippi? No, no, in Florida. Oh, okay. In Florida, it it was it was 90% white, it was 7% Hispanic, 3% black. And when you look at the 3% black, it was three blacks.

SPEAKER_05: 39:00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01: 39:02

And and from the the drays that my kids were in, it was two in uh my six-year-old in kindergarten with two, and with one that's gonna be in fourth grade. So I would tell them no, no, no. So we we got into it on that. I even called her mom because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't there being emotional, doing for myself and all. And I'm like, I'm I'm seeing these black boys. And my kids did not then grow up in certain private school. You see how I'm dressing all that. So I understood that they won't, they weren't gonna fit in. They were gonna stand out in that pressure, right? And y'all probably can hear, I got a speech impedance. I got a strong DNA. Both of my kids, they got speech impedance. So I'm sitting there like, I gotta protect them from that. They need to be around their people. Their people gonna be, um, they might still get picked on, right? However, their people will be more lenient than the other. So we get into it. I go meet her in the garage, have the conversation with her. And she says something about some stuff that was going on in my household. I'm like, no, you're lying. I I know they didn't say that. And she she used the fact that I tried to protect the kids by not putting the kids in things as a way to weaponize them because she know I'm not going to try to put them in our situation. But I had to at that point because we all in the close knit. You know, you can't say something about my current girl and say that he said this, because I was there. So I called him out. And um I was talking to my oldest, and then my youngest, well, not my youngest, the youngest that I have for her, he's at Bus South. Mommy don't like Ashlyn. And I'm like, and she was sitting there like, and I'm like, what you say? And she tries to like talk over him. So I get in panic, and I said, What you just say? She said, Mommy don't like Ashland. And I'm like, how do you know?

SPEAKER_06: 41:00

Or contacts people who don't know who that's.

SPEAKER_01: 41:02

Oh yeah, Ashley, the current lady.

SPEAKER_06: 41:04

Gotcha, okay.

SPEAKER_01: 41:05

Yeah, and I'm like, I don't know. And he was like, Mama be walking around the house talking to friends. Just saying ain't nothing south. Right? And then, you know, the the thing that she said, my son said he wasn't comfortable being in my house. He was afraid to talk to me and things like that. And I'm like, I ain't no way. I'm there with him. I know our conversations. Right? And so I asked him, like, are you tell me what's going on? Why do you say that to mom? He said, I didn't say that, mom. He looked in her eyes. I didn't say that to mom. And he said, What I said was, and he he's a little smart ass. Yeah. So at this point, you're lying on me. Now I'm about to. He like, I got permission now. So like, what I said was, I be afraid to have fun and tell you about it while I'm with daddy. Because I know how that will make you feel.

SPEAKER_06: 41:57

Wow. How old is this boy?

SPEAKER_01: 41:59

He would not. She butt down crying. And I was sitting there like, see what I'm talking about? Like, that infuriates me. Come sitting there like when your phone.

SPEAKER_06: 42:06

You break down a crying for her. Bro, it's crazy how kids have so much awareness to say, I'm gonna think, because now I'm in a situation where I have to protect my sanity as a child, but I'm gonna think for you, the adult, and think for you, the other adult, because y'all two fools, and I have to figure out how to work this entire relationship dynamic.

SPEAKER_01: 42:27

Yeah. So he's having fun with me, but he got a lied to his mama about having fun.

unknown: 42:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 42:31

So what he knows how his mom feels. And that's a lot for a kid to carry.

SPEAKER_01: 42:37

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 42:38

But I most definitely appreciate his awareness.

SPEAKER_01: 42:40

100%. So, like when you said like all of that, she breaking down. To be honest, I could I couldn't tell you if it were real terrible or act. I don't know. Maybe she wants a little sympathy.

SPEAKER_00: 42:50

I think, well, I wouldn't even say sympathy. I think sometimes when people are being, you know, well, when people have ill intent and hear their actions out loud, it's like a smack in the face. Like, you know, you've been having an issue with this. Ain't nobody did nothing to you. You know the environment that you've created for the kids. You know the things that they've heard you say, but to hear that awareness out loud is like conviction. I felt like she got convicted in that moment, and that's why she cried. Because she knows she wasn't right.

SPEAKER_01: 43:19

Yeah, so you know that, and that hurt me listen to it.

SPEAKER_03: 43:23

What you cry for?

SPEAKER_01: 43:25

But you gotta understand, like at this time, I'm I'm mad, you know, and I got the kids out there. It wasn't no moments, and you know, I thought they were like an eye-opening moment that you would she would because she said, you know, I'm gonna do better and all that, done deal. Let me see, show me. So, you know, fast forward to they they left. She's on the road now. She on the road, and at that point, you know they're four hours away. You weren't you were not trying to catch anybody. I yeah, I it can't do nothing. I go, I go back to the house, gotta break the news. You know, at that point, Ashland, she got connection. Like, they that's her cooking buddies, that's her cleaning buddies. I don't, listen, I don't cook.

SPEAKER_06: 44:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 44:04

So she was cooking by.

SPEAKER_06: 44:05

It hurts her, it hurts her as well, obviously.

SPEAKER_01: 44:07

Yes, yes. So she, you know, she way more emotional than me. She built a connection, like she, you know, she was doing the hey, these my bonus kids type of thing, and all of that. And, you know, it was like, hey, no, y'all like my boning kids. No, mommy said you and daddy ain't married, so you ain't related to us. So you're like, uh uh, uh, uh. So, you know, it would just keep on trying to keep that peace. And at that point, she broke down, and I'm like, okay, so that night I received a phone call from the kids. Wasn't trying to talk to the kids at this point. I'm trying to talk directly to mommy, right? And I'm like, put your mom on the phone. What's going on? Are you taking my kids and all this, right? I can hear her appearance in the background. So now she putting it on the show. And I'm sitting there like, all right, you know what's up. I ain't about to play this game. I want my kids back tomorrow in a discussion. Then her mom got on the phone. You ain't about to throw my daughter and all that. You want to go to court? Done deal. Next day, call a lawyer. Got on the phone with this lawyer, told him what was going on. He said, all right, let me do my research. Uh what uh what county, because at this point, they wasn't in Florida enough for me to file in Florida. They gotta be in Florida for six months, right? They left a month, four and a half. If if she would wait a month and a half, I it would have been perfect, right? But now they back in Mississippi. Now we got to do everything through uh Madison County, which is Jackson, Mississippi. And she in Hernando right now, so she's not even in the county that we gotta go to war in. Then I had a meeting the following day with the attorney, and at this point I got me and Ashland sitting next to each other. Because we, you know, at this point we're about to go to war, we lock on, right? And the attorney said, James, I got some good news. I said, all right, well, the good news, I take your case, I fight for you, I make this happen. Bad news, you're not divorced. Yeah. I look at Ash Lon.

SPEAKER_00: 46:02

What a oh my God.

SPEAKER_01: 46:05

So he he looking in Madison County, he looking in Rankin County, he looking for the divorce thing. He said, I see where y'all file for the divorce. However, it's a I didn't know it's a 30-day rule, right? When at 30 days she canceled the divorce. It's called a cooling off period. She canceled it. So remember, I ain't have no address at that time when we were going to court. The address was the same house that she was in. So they they they let they informed me at her house. At her house. I would, and she never told me this whole time she was in Florida. I'm thinking I'm divorced. Like she knew.

SPEAKER_06: 46:42

She's gonna try to play on me. But shouldn't you okay? Listen, listen, you're you're in the military, you're a smart dude, you run companies. I know you for a while, and not to be too judgy, because right now we're dumping on you. Hey, it's okay. But I gotta ask. I ain't said nothing worse than I heard. But I gotta ask, because again, I know I know how smart you are and how thorough you are, because you're also paralegal in the military. So you do all these things. How come you didn't ask for divorce papers when you thought you were divorced?

SPEAKER_01: 47:06

So I had divorce papers.

SPEAKER_06: 47:07

What? Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 47:08

So I had so here we go the thing. Remember, I told you I'm working off the custody papers. Once everything got filed, I'm done. I got uh the sample, everything. I'm done. The problem was the divorce price had handed to you, right? Before the cooling off period.

SPEAKER_06: 47:25

Sure, but the judge has to sign off on this. That's when it's final.

SPEAKER_01: 47:28

Yeah, so I didn't know. Okay. Like, so my I I had the paper, I had the samp that was fouled and all that. I'm good. Like in my head, I'm good. I I literally I was walking everywhere I went, I had that paper. Like, that's with my letter of the law. So I'm thinking, I'm good. I'm it's like your freedom papers. Back in the 1800s. Hey, that was my imagination uh. Yeah, that was like, yes, yes, yes. You know, because it was hell. Like, it was hell dealing with her through all of it. And I'm sitting there like, Mark, say that again. He said, James, you're not divorced. But I'm gonna take your case.

SPEAKER_06: 48:10

I said. What's Ashlon doing at this point? You like all did she let go of your hand?

SPEAKER_01: 48:15

So I I would look in her face when he said it. I felt everything in her. I couldn't even look in the face. I'm looking at the phone like I'm on FaceTime with Mark. I ain't moving, I ain't budging, like I can just feel it. And all when we got the phone, she's like, you're not divorced. I'm like, I'm I'm not divorced. And at this point, okay, so going to war because you know, at this point now I'm hurt because she knew the whole time, right? She stopped everything from going through and all, and I didn't know. It was like, damn. So now I'm in uh now I'm in the financial bind. I'm in emotional bind. I'm in, I'm in everything, like, you know. So I'm looking at it, Mark sent me the email, you know, how much it's gonna cost to go to war. Ashman asked me a question, like, do you really want custody of your kids? Like, I can't just I just can't let it be done like this while putting up the fight. So, you know,$67,000, go to court.

SPEAKER_06: 49:17

And a lot of people would understand that as far as fighting for them.

unknown: 49:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06: 49:22

Because the idea is, well, I spent enough money, I did all of this, at this point, it's whatever. But I kind of felt the same way. I felt like my kids need to know that I fought for them in that sense. And even though I went in knowing I would lose, and I threw, I'm throwing these thousands, you know, all this money at this lawyer, knowing I'm gonna lose, but I just needed a document. I didn't needed a document. So one day when they go, well, did you even try to get me? Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 49:47

Well, yeah, his paper showing that I did try. So, you know, and Mark gave me an out. So Mark said, Hey, you got two options. You give me$3,000, I can re-push these papers through, petition, because it's still at the courthouse, right? Because I never did my rebuttal on it. It's like you can, and we still in the same year. Remember, that was this 2024, the paperwork got filed January the 7, 2024. Right now we're in September. Like, I can push these papers through. I put these papers through. The papers that you got in front of you right now go into effect, right? I should have done that. Mentally, I probably should have done that because my child's support was$200 per kid. You know, I had to, I only had to pay for the house in Mississippi, which at that point I already had somebody in there renting, so that's that's done for. Right? So, like on financially, that agreement that we did, oh, that was the best, it was a hundred percent a win for me. But I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_00: 50:50

Why? I am extremely curious. Like, why couldn't you?

SPEAKER_01: 50:53

Because it was it was nothing in that paper. So it's September. The paper how it was set up, it was also an even year. She get the kids for Christmas the even year, right? It was nothing for spring break, it was nothing for fall break. I didn't, which means right now I'm set up to not seeing the kids again till June.

SPEAKER_00: 51:14

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 51:15

So I'm like, and I remember it, my I'm it's been since May. I'm with them every single day. So I'm like, nah, I ain't about to let that happen. So we tried to petition the court to allow me to see the kids, um, had the kids fly out with me and stuff like that. And they told the judge that they were afraid that if the kids come to Florida, I won't give them back as if I would do onto her as she did onto me. So they said, yes, you can see your kids. However, you gotta be chaperone. She will be, it she will go, but she will stand back. She won't be there with you, but she will, she will be in the back just to make sure everything's good.

SPEAKER_00: 51:54

Like treating you like you the one that ran out with the kids.

SPEAKER_01: 51:57

I ain't never been so disrespectful in my life. I said no. They said, well, no, my lawyer tell me you don't do this, I don't know when the next time you're gonna see your kids. I said, I'll be damned when they see me like I'm a prisoner, that they mommy. I like that's that's not the vision that I wanted them to see. Right? Because that that falls into a certain mind frame that I don't want them to have. So I'm like, let's let go to war, Mark. Let's go to war. Um, so$67,000.$67,000.

SPEAKER_00: 52:27

Like$67,000 or$67,000?

SPEAKER_01: 52:30

$67,000. Oh my god.$67,000. So the whole deal, so the whole deal, I work in three years. And cell phone me tells you I was working none south for three years. I ain't have no house, I ain't have no car, I was saving. When I moved to Florida, I have$110,000 saved. All of it gone, right? Jesus. And y'all can kill me on this one. So we move, I do a lot of stuff business-wise, right? So I keep my name on things limited. So she didn't have good credit to get the house. Ashland put her name on the house. Which means when she left that house, I could not stop paying that house because Ashland's name was on it. Which means her credit. So here I am, I gotta pay the house, the empty house, September, October, November, December, January, February, March. Asked her, hey, can you shut down the lease? Five-bedroom house, that's not cheap. No, no. Luckily, I didn't care about the power and stuff. So, you know, save money there, but I asked her, hey, can you at least let's do this? Like, shut this down because all it they said we just gotta pay two months, we can end the lease. No. Because we got I had to have Ashland and her sign off on it. She's like, no. I said, all right, at this point.

SPEAKER_06: 53:44

So she said no, I don't want to end the lease, even though the people on the house would let you out. Yep. It was But she saying no to be vindictive at this point.

SPEAKER_01: 53:52

100%. So this so now all she's doing, because going to court, I knew that I can display certain things that I did not want to display. Right? Like, mental health is heavy. Like, I believe heavy in mental health. So I'm like, I don't want how to put that out there because that courtroom is just, I mean her, me, her, and other people, and I know they recorded and things like that. I didn't want to put it out there. But at this point, I'm sitting there like you're taking my kind in for a weakness. You don't believe I'm gonna do it. So you you keep on doing these things. So we go to our first court for temporary um custody uh in October, go in front of the judge, and you know, my lawyer, Gildert, he tells the judge, for one, the judge rushing up, talking about, yeah, I gotta go home, type of thing. I got some stuff going on. So she's like, hey, let's not do the full thing. Each one of y'all got 10 minutes, right? I'm like, 10 minutes? I'm trying to fight for my kids. She gave me 10 minutes. I can I can't do this in 10.

SPEAKER_06: 54:50

Wow.

SPEAKER_01: 54:51

Right? I it was sliding for two hours. You go to court, you're sliding for two hours. You know you. I'm gonna give you 10 minutes and then I'm gonna get I got shit to do. Yeah, like, like, y'all understand I'm fighting for my kids? Yeah, I don't care. Like, I I went as far as, look, I knew the judge where we were going. I know the judge went to Ohio State. Um I got Don Red on. I I did my research. So I'm sitting there like, and because the lawyer, like, why you run there? I said, look, the judge went to Ohio State, blah, blah, blah. Like, I did my research. I'm trying to, I'm trying to make sure I get every 1% on my side I'm I need.

SPEAKER_05: 55:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 55:26

And when soon as um my attorney said, Judge, he moved her to Florida, and she was living 16 houses down from all that the judge said, Oh, you think you were getting your cake and eat it too? I'm sitting there like, no, Judge. And then she likes to.

SPEAKER_06: 55:41

What did you mean by that?

SPEAKER_01: 55:42

She she was making it seem like from hearing that one statement, she was making it seem the judge drew the conclusion in 20 seconds that I was trying to be with my current girl and her at the same time. Wow. I was trying to play both sides of the fence, right? Because what you did doesn't seem logical. So as I defend myself, right? I'm at court, I'm fighting for my kids, I'm trying to defend myself. The judge silenced me. I'm talking. And my turn said, hey, let her go. Let her talk. I'm sitting there like judge. No, that's not what it was. She's like, I'm talking. I don't know where you're from, or if you ever been in a courtroom like mine, but when I'm speaking, nobody speaks, right? She was hard ass. I like, damn. So she gone there, she, my time going. Right? So she going there things, like, I don't know what I'm like, man. And you know, at this point, she also pregnant. She probably be having a baby in January. So she, I'm judged. Yeah, so the hormones and all. I'm seeing it, like, man, everything trying to work against me and all. So she was like, you know, she was looking to like, you know what? Let me just simple. You're gonna pay um$1,500 a month in child support up until we go to the actual court. I'm like, all right, my judge, like, Judge, if you don't mind, because you should probably do Patrice was going for alimony as well, spousal support as well for the time. What saved me on that is again, like you said, I'm a peral legal military. I might do a lot of dumb scrap, but I keep evidence of every all everything, right? So You keep evidence of all your dumb shit. Yeah. Well, more other people don't got no evidence.

SPEAKER_06: 57:20

I got none on me.

SPEAKER_01: 57:22

Nah, so here we go. We played this video that she did um from like 2022 or whatever, like that. She on Instagram, you know, she do a little video talking about she went at the club and all, and she was talking about um, she said something of the nature of if you ain't making six figures, don't talk to me. I'm a well-kept woman. I don't, I don't cook, I don't clean, I don't pay bills, so you go into these things all she don't do. We paid in front of the judge. You know, and the judge like, oh, that's the type of woman you is. Yeah, I'm gonna uh deny spouse's support. So I won on that end. Um she gave me my little time with my kids and all. Um, but yeah, you know, fast for it. Oh, you know, we we didn't have to go to court. Um at this point, um, her parents, I knew when I found out her parents got her a lawyer, I found out how much uh that lawyer getting paid an hour. I said, I know what to do. I told my attorney, we ain't going to court. I know what to do. They said, what? We're gonna dump everything I got. We dumped a thousand documents on their table and seven, two hours of recordings. I received a phone call the next day. That's strategy. They can't they couldn't, she couldn't afford to go to war. The parents, I already knew her parents are already 40,000 in. They ain't coming from their savings, they coming from their retirement. They 40,000 in. We we go to court next week. Yeah, we're gonna make a real, we either we're gonna settle or this thing gonna get real nasty for them too. Because at this point, you she not losing anything, it ain't her money. So I'm sitting there like, I'm about to make, y'all gonna have to make a real decision. I got a thousand documents. And at this point, her parents are mad because she portrayed me a certain thing. I got documentations to say otherwise. Right? And you know, and this would be on a layer of pies, so for everybody, check out the uh next one. But, you know, signs and like creating people and things like that, it's it's it's crazy.

SPEAKER_03: 59:29

Um but So where where are you all now with it?

SPEAKER_06: 59:35

Say it say it in Darren.

SPEAKER_01: 59:37

Where are you all now with this whole thing? So I've been divorced since March.

SPEAKER_00: 59:43

Are you sure?

SPEAKER_01: 59:44

Ashlyn Ashland told me You said Ashland told me right. She told me three times a week for three months straight.

SPEAKER_06: 59:52

She asked you that same question?

SPEAKER_01: 59:53

No, she didn't ask me, she told me. She would call in the courthouse to verify.

SPEAKER_06: 59:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 59:57

Yeah. She did it, she did Monday with. Wednesday, Friday, every week for three months. I'm divorced. I'm divorced. The best part about it, this time is so we found everything in October of 2024. That's when our 30 days started. So once we signed that settlement paper, it was no 30 days. It was done. She thought it was 30 days because she hit me up, like, nah, we still got 30 days. Maybe we can work some stuff out. Like, oh yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:26

No. Way. Then we're gonna work what out?

SPEAKER_01: 1:00:31

Delusion. Like, we and we, like I said, if we we would have got to have a whole thing just about who she is as a person. And not as to demeanor or anything like that, but understand mental health is a thing that as a parent, I blame my parents.

SPEAKER_03: 1:00:48

So, as far as the children, what is your uh agreement now?

SPEAKER_01: 1:00:53

So the dreaming is I could get the kids every spring break. Um, so I had to I structure it so I can win, right? It wanted to know that I can win because I live in Florida. They live in Hernando, Mississippi. They'll flight St. Chic to get these kids to me. So I could I needed to see my kids at least once a month, type of deal. So what I did was Martin Luther King Day. It's a long weekend, right? So I get the kids Martin Luther King weekend, I can get the kids present day weekend, I get the kids in March for uh spring break. I get the kids on in April for Easter. I get the kids in May for Memorial Day, then I get the kids in uh the Friday before Father Day all the way to the 4th of July. And then I don't get the kids in August. And the reason for that is that's when school starts. I need them so I focus back on school.

SPEAKER_03: 1:01:50

Do you do would you like to have more time with your? I would love to. So Well, you know, you know you could uh create a trust.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:59

I'm working on that right now. But I'm gonna tell you what I did though. I created a business in Memphis. Uh I-9. Um, I bought a franchise for I-9 sports in Memphis. So in my so you gotta think ahead, right? So in my divorce papers, I put in there, and they didn't understand why I put it in there. I put it in that any sports they play, it gotta go through me. Because she wasn't athletic. That's why I said you weren't athletic, you didn't pay any sports or anything like that. So any activity they did do that physical, I I'm gonna pay for it. And as long as it was in 60 mile radius, she got to take them. So I bought a sports youth sports franchise. I put it in Cordova and I signed them up for it. So even though those are the days I get them, I still can come out here every weekend and coach them. On that. So we gotta play chess over here. Hey, you you you gotta be ahead of the game. So yeah, so we literally got done last weekend out with them. It was my weekend. However, she got to bring up there to do it. And then um, you know, so uh, but I probably did something dumb. I go in and put it out there. She she worked for that company. I hired her.

SPEAKER_05: 1:03:12

Right?

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:13

The reason being she dare so listen, listen. At this point Bro, I love your heart though, man. It's just like at this point, my child support is 1300, right? I haven't gave her anything more than 1300. That's what it is, right? And we sitting there and she haven't had a job since she she she left in August 2024. She didn't have no job.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:35

So she was allowed to take you through all this hell and still circle back and I offer it to her.

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:43

She was there anyway. Might well get paid. You might I might well put you to work.

SPEAKER_06: 1:03:48

I'm guessing your mindset is that if she has money, finish the sentence.

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:54

If she had money, then going to my kids, she can take care of the kids and asking me for it.

SPEAKER_06: 1:03:58

See, that's the mindset of someone like myself, too. Not to your level, but that's exactly what I think. I'm thinking, well, if you got it, it benefits my children. So, but at the same token, I understand the the boundaries that's being crossed there by me offering you a job.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:15

Yeah, but my kids And she's already shown she had it made in the beginning and still showed you, you know, who she was. And I'm not trying to fuss. I'm just trying to understand.

SPEAKER_01: 1:04:26

Definitely don't got it made now. She lived with her parents. Um, my kids got bumped biz. They never had bump biz, they done had their own rooms all their lives and things like that. She had to pay her parents$600 a month. So I'm getting her$1,300, she gets them$600. Like, they gotta get that$40,000 back somehow, right? You know, and so I'm just sitting there like, find a way to get my kids out the house. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_03: 1:04:53

Um, you know, and And you paying and you paying her to work for your company?

SPEAKER_01: 1:04:57

Yeah, I'm paying her. It's just it's just one one one day out of the week. Um so yeah, like I ain't paying her much, you know. She makes$18 an hour, work eight hours that day. Um, so you know, it's it's one of those things that you can say wherever you can say about me. You you but when people look at the who I am, really, you can dog me. But when they come to me, I'm just gonna show. Like the evidence in here, like you, you gonna look like a fool trying to make me seem like a bad guy.

SPEAKER_03: 1:05:33

Um, you know, so you're not a bad guy. Um one of the books I often reference uh is is the Bible. Uh and one of the things in the Bible says that do not cast your pearls before the swine. You know, and oftentimes we do that, your goodness. Right, you know, because everybody's not qualified to have you and and have your goodness. I commend you because as uh Steph has already said, man, that's I I I I have a daughter and I went through some situations, you know, not to that extreme. I will say, I'm not gonna sit up here and try to out trauma you because you got me. You got me faded, but in that area. Uh but man, dude, for real, though, that's it. You definitely are standing up guy, but there's definitely some abuse that you're experiencing and just being that good guy, and I believe most of it is self-inflicting.

SPEAKER_01: 1:06:33

Oh, 100%. I almost just put myself through it again, and um, it was last week while I stop it, right? Um, I I constantly I aim for whatever this delusional belief of something, right? And I'm like a couple months ago, I thought about maybe I need to try to get the boys back out here. Because it's not the best environment for them, right? Like let me let me see what I can do to try to get the boys back out here. So then back to Florida. Back to Florida. Okay. So then I was like, private school. Made some phone calls and stuff. So Berkeley, preparatory school is the number two private school in Florida and number 24 in the nation. I can get the boys in. They told me it's gonna be for the oldest, it's gonna be 32,000 a year. For the six-year-old, it's gonna be 27. I said, I can bust my ass. I can make that work. So I had a conversation with her. I said, I want the boys to go to private school. Hear what the private school is, you know. And I'm like, and she was like, uh, you know, she gotta do what she gotta do. She she agreed to it. She says, hey, I'ma save my money, I'ma, I'm gonna I'm gonna make it happen. We gonna come back and all. It's not not in the same uh environment, anything like that. Not even me funning anything. She was like, I'm gonna do it. You know, right now she keeps saying, I know I messed up, I know I made mistakes, blah, blah, blah, all that, all that cash talk. I ain't paying attention, none of that. But um, but then, so this was like two, three months ago, we're having the conversation. Then I was sitting there and I was talking to Ashwine, like, how do how did this gonna work? She gotta get, she told me she gotta get a new car. She asked me for$5,000 for down payment for a new car. I told her no. Um So and the and the reason the$5,000 is so, you know, on the divorce paper, I had that house in Mississippi, and uh I told her I only give her$5,000 on the house, but I don't gotta pay that until like two years from now. And even that is not a lunch sum, it's just a little month, monthly payments. So she had wanted me to bring that money for it, and I said no. And, you know, I'm jumping a little big on the story because it's so much. But on that piece, um, in June, um I had called, you know, we had the house. She had renting the house. The lease was over with in April. No, I paid a security deposit for it. They sent her my damn check.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:02

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01: 1:09:03

I called her. Oh my god. And I said, You got that money? She like, uh, it wasn't my name. I said, Patrice, you know you ain't paid nothing on that house. No, that was my money. So I'm like, just take it out of that$5,000. Because they sent her$2,700. I said, they take it out of that$5,000. Oh, no, that's something totally different. This is my money with my name on the check and all that. I said, done deal. I ain't don't even worry about it. But, you know, she uh the car that she had, um, that my name was on it, um, October last year, she let it get repoled. Um, they were at the movies to see Sonic sitting in the car about to get out, and uh and the repo man pulled up in front of them. My kids in the car, right? She called me crying all that. I said, I don't know what she wanted me to do. I just gave you, like, I literally had just gave her$3,000. The judge told me to give it to her. So I'm I gave her the money. She got the money. Uh so she had that$3,000, and then like three days before that, she got another$1,500. So she had$4,500 since we went to court, and she didn't pay the car note. They repo that thing. Put my kids in it. Um, they they they allowed her to drive back to the house and get herself out and all. But they took it. So now I got repo my name. I'm sitting there like, man, everything like I'm learning, I'm learning, right? Um, but now we're in we're in this situation, so I was telling Ashlyn, I'm like, the kids ain't coming at you. She was like, What you mean? She ain't coming. I said, the kids ain't coming. I need to, I need to tell myself that. Because I keep on having the delusional belief that I can make all things work. I'm like, I'm like, God, I can't, I can't make that work. Like, she can't say, I'm like, she needs$20,000 to move. Like, she she's saying that she right now she's Ubering everywhere because she her car that she her parents got her had total out and they ain't getting her a new car, and they don't let her drive her car because they don't want her on her insurance. So she ubering everywhere she goes, and I'm sitting there like, so you need$5,000 because you got bad credit. You need$5,000 for a down payment girl car. Right? That$5,000. You're gonna need first month rent. You're gonna need the deposit for a house. You're gonna need how to buy furniture and all of that for the house. I said, you're gonna need$15,000 to$20,000 to move. You gotta find a job to be okay, right? You're gonna need$15,000 to$20,000 to move. You ain't coming up with that. And I'm and I'm like, I can't put myself in this situation. Like, I lost, like, literally, I lost$115,000.

SPEAKER_03: 1:11:45

I've been counting.

SPEAKER_01: 1:11:46

Yeah,$115,000. You lost over$100,000. Yeah, right now, like the reason, like. Hey, hey, hey, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been having to do things that I I I I probably be sitting back a little bit collecting my paychecks, but I've been hiding out there hustling stuff because like my my Easter egg is gone. Like, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:10

I got a question for you.

SPEAKER_01: 1:12:11

Let me have it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:12

How have you, from then I guess, until now, how have you been supporting your current girlfriend, Ashlyn? Ashlyn. And I don't mean financially, I mean like mentally and emotionally going through all of this with you.

SPEAKER_01: 1:12:26

Not the best. Like, like I said, I'm not I'm not the nurturer type, right? It's hard for me to to be that emotional.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:40

What does that mean? Because I know you've been saying like you're not emotional. Okay, well, how do you make her feel safe?

SPEAKER_01: 1:12:46

So she she loves reassurance and and That's emotional.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:51

Yeah, so So you are you have more emotion than you think.

SPEAKER_01: 1:12:54

No, I'm failing at it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 1:12:56

Yeah, so like I I it's okay for me to say, like, I'm I'm self-aware. Right, that's appreciated. We constantly have our issues, and like literally, it was literally two days ago, we we had we had a fight because of it. Like because of what the lack of support she feels like. Yeah, because she still whole like me. I took it. Once I get shot, I took that bullet, I threw it out, I sold my own wounds, I'm good. Her, I even though it didn't happen directly to her, when that bullet went through me, she dealing with them casings. She's dealing with it, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:33

And it's it's been a heavy, it's heavy.

SPEAKER_01: 1:13:35

It's heavy.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:36

And she didn't leave.

SPEAKER_01: 1:13:37

She didn't leave. So and no, so it's it's it's a lot on her. And I'm, you know, like Mr. DT said, I mean, I ain't perfect. I like if any of us if anything like that I'm trying to improve on and all, is it's that aspect of it, right? To be more understanding that just because I can get over something in a day, she's not. Like.

SPEAKER_00: 1:14:04

And also being mindful that she putting the kids to the side, she's watched you go to war in many different areas that wasn't, you know, your war to begin with in the first place. So being able to give her that yeah, that same.

SPEAKER_01: 1:14:17

She went for you and you being nicer. I'm like.

SPEAKER_00: 1:14:20

And I yeah. Yeah, I mean.

SPEAKER_01: 1:14:23

I'm like, I I I can't, I can I don't got hatred in me. Like, I just gotta like it is what it is. Like, um, Safan. He he recommended uh a book series, conversation with God, right? I'm not super religious or anything like that. However, I do believe there's core principles that everybody got to have, right? And my my thought process on faith and all is just to be good, right? I know right from wrong. I know hatred, I shouldn't have an emmy. And I know like whoever the high power is and all that, I ask myself, what will he do in this situation? Will he turn the other cheek and just let it be?

SPEAKER_00: 1:15:02

Now that context of turning the other cheek is not necessarily what people will get into that another time.

SPEAKER_01: 1:15:08

I understand that. But it's just when it's time to go to war.

SPEAKER_00: 1:15:11

I mean, your only responsibility is to forgive and to love, but that doesn't have to be done in proximity, of course.

SPEAKER_01: 1:15:16

Right. And and I forgive. Like, I forgave Patricia for everything she done. The moment she do it. Because at that point, I don't I don't think she she's sane as she thinks. I think that she got some mental issues and undiagnosed, and in the black community, I think that's something that most people don't see. Or even when I I remember telling my my mom that um Bro, you might have some mental issues.

SPEAKER_03: 1:15:41

Oh, 100%. 100%.

SPEAKER_01: 1:15:44

You know, I told my mom one day I would go in, I would go and go to therapy. She said, You ain't crazy.

SPEAKER_00: 1:15:49

And and that right there, like you don't have I I don't like how the black community uh thinks about mental health and and mental health advocacy, because you don't have to be crazy, you know, but also knowing that previous generations suppress so much that they don't even acknowledge where they too, you know, would have needed help in certain areas.

SPEAKER_03: 1:16:09

Your nonchalantness is is another way of like she just defense mechanism. Right. And and suppressing. One day, I mean, God forbid, but one day, man, the last Skittle is gonna fall on all the stuff that you're holding, and it's gonna fall apart. And I fear what your response would be.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:31

Hey, I go to the gym every day for a reason. Man, we all have a limit, bro. Yeah, I I tell you.

SPEAKER_03: 1:16:37

All that that you just went through, though.

SPEAKER_00: 1:16:39

Bruh, I'm just I would have been called some cousins.

SPEAKER_03: 1:16:43

I'm just again, I take my hat off to you on one side of that, but then the other part is I see you being a bit.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:50

It ruined some relationships because you know, like you said, you were calling cousins. I had some I had some people that are like, nah, man, we about to like no, it's it's not worth it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:16:58

Then I would have just not told you about it.

SPEAKER_06: 1:17:00

And this is just half of the story, or maybe even less than half of the story. So we got here for a reason, you know. Yeah, so so I think it's a good place to end it because this has been really good. I thank you so much for sharing. It's been really entertaining, and we gotta get you back so you can tell us the prequel to this, because you know, I think this goes back to who is this person, and I think you know more than most. I think you know more than apparent. Um, and I think that'll be because there's some things that I've heard about that as well that's just blown my mind, where some of it I was just laughing hysterically because I was like, he's just making this shit up. There's no way. Um, but yeah, I think that's a good spot to end it. I thank you, James. I thank you, DT. I thank you, Simone, for being here. Now we have a tradition on the show to where one of you three is going to do the outro, just read the outro notes as we leave the show, doing an impression.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:53

And before this end, I just want to say I commend you for constantly pursuing a relationship with your children. I know they're young right now, and although they understand a little, I know they'll understand more and appreciate more when they're older. And I literally say this as a mom with kids where the dad isn't involved, and knowing that, you know, one day I'm gonna have to have those hard conversations. So seeing kids grow up and them being able to look back and see, you know, like my dad did try or my dad did do like yeah, it doesn't matter what decisions you make, it's the fact that you put forth the effort. And I want you to know that no matter what you've been through, that will never be forgotten. Thank you. And it will be appreciated in just a few years, in just a few years, but I commend you on that and most definitely still commend you on your heart. Don't allow the ignorance of others to harden that. And just don't buy nobody else anymore, Clothes.

SPEAKER_01: 1:18:49

No, no, I'm I'm done. I'm done, I'm done. I don't, I don't wrote it down.

SPEAKER_00: 1:18:53

Um and I need you to love on Ashlyn now. She she been rocking with you, she and then just had a new baby too. So I can only imagine the the postpartum feels plus. You know, going you know what y'all have been through. So, like, seriously though, I commend you and still give her the reass all the reassurance that she needs. Um yes, thank you. Thank you.

unknown: 1:19:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_06: 1:19:19

Take it away, Small.

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:21

I'm way too strong for this. Okay. Please support us by following the show. Leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. We'll catch you next week when we share conversations surrounding real issues we deal with every day. Oh my god. Manhood matters. We're out.