SPEAKER_00: 0:00

I was supportive of him when no one else was. So I felt when I started my business, he was going to be the same way. And he was absolutely terrible. Right. And I didn't realize about myself, I require a lot of support. Because the way I was raised, I didn't get it. So it was a reminder of what you know of what I was lacking I'm like, here it shows up again.

SPEAKER_08: 0:24

We don't know what you mean. So in what sense should that have shown up for you for it to be something that's either tangible that you could not help but notice? Support in the sense of We know that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. We know that people have two, three, or even four so-called committed relationships before choosing the one. We also know that other than the non-negotiables, you know, infidelity, abuse, etc., sometimes relationships just end because you don't have a blueprint and we don't know what we don't know. Most successful men will tell you that they owe their success to their wives, someone who was just there to support them and have their back. Can women say the same? I don't have stats. I'm merely observing that when women start their journey as an entrepreneur, it's often seen as a side project. Do we as men, do we as their partner step in to be their backbone? Today I am joined by my boy Willie Nash of the Nash Insurance Group, and we're having a conversation with a woman who has lived the very experience I was just describing. Jenny started her business ten years ago and her marriage ended. Is it just correlation or is there causation there? Pay close attention to this conversation, then email us your thoughts at manhoodmatterspodcast at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you. Welcome to Manhood Matters. Let's get to it. You work with a lot of men, and a lot of them are very successful men. And you're an attractive woman, I would imagine that would create a problem. Are you married?

SPEAKER_00: 2:32

Not anymore, no.

SPEAKER_08: 2:33

Okay. So why don't we start there? Because you almost it almost starts like that. Might have been the you know the straw that broke the camel's back.

SPEAKER_00: 2:41

So Oh wow, that's so deep. Yeah, I don't know. But it is.

SPEAKER_08: 2:45

Is it it really is so tell us about that. I mean, uh a lot of men I they struggle with having a successful woman. Um we are possessive creatures in a sense, and um we'll need our egos stroked and made to feel better. So I imagine you had a lot of challenges. So it's start from wherever.

SPEAKER_00: 3:04

Okay, I gotta give you a backdrop too, because when I came in, I was a stay-at-home mom for a decade.

SPEAKER_08: 3:10

Really?

SPEAKER_00: 3:10

So you go from being at home, being under your husband, your children for 10 years to now you're around men and very successful men. So it did, you know, of course we had issues before me getting into the business, but it it really escalated really fast because I went from staying at home, you know, in my whereabouts, to in the insurance business. Like Willie knows we could be anywhere. You know, I'm not going into an office. I'm going outside in my car all day. All day. You know, so when we I'm serious, when we first started, when you want to be successful, you know, and in sales, you gotta work all day long. Because you don't know when your sell is coming.

SPEAKER_03: 3:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 3:47

And then you gotta work all day long too, because even if the day is good, tomorrow may not be good. Correct. So you don't just come in if you're a good, you know, salesperson. So no, it was a lot of issues. It was a lot of who is this person calling? Why are they calling you so late? Where you gotta go again. And then you're training. So I had to train with people in their car. I hope, I hope my ex is not listening to that. Then you have to train with men, because the male dominated field. That's who's good.

SPEAKER_03: 4:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 4:17

So you're in a very controlled space. And we don't talk about that enough. That car, you're in a car with someone, that is a very intimate space. It's a very intimate space. It's enclosed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 4:28

And you get to talk about it's not all about work. You talk about other things.

SPEAKER_00: 4:32

You talk about everything. Your complaints, everything. And when people you said intimate, it's not like you got RB playing and you're trying to set a move.

SPEAKER_08: 4:40

There ain't no end of the road playing. And a red light special going on.

SPEAKER_00: 4:44

But it is still a very closed-in, intimate space, like you said.

SPEAKER_02: 4:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 4:49

So then God forbid, if you are working with someone that's attractive, you know, and he's about his business, that's an issue. And a lot of times for me, you know, we're talkative with women, we're not trying to do anything or say anything out of the way, but who do you talk about? I went from talking about my children and him all day to now I'm talking about business. And the business is not just the clients, the business is also too now your quote unquote business partner or, you know, and they go Google them, you know, on social media, and they're like, who's this guy? Gotta look like me.

SPEAKER_08: 5:22

You gotta type.

SPEAKER_00: 5:24

I'm like, I didn't pick him, they told me to go in the car with the guy, you know, trading. You know, he's gotta look like me. He's from Florida. Oh my God. You know, like, yeah, it's okay, you know, nothing's going on, but it's rough.

SPEAKER_08: 5:37

Why did you decide to go into business in the first place? You're a stay-at-home mum. Sometimes that's a decision, and sometimes there's no choice. You have to go back in the field because you need two incomes now. What was your main reason?

SPEAKER_00: 5:50

It was we needed two incomes. He was in sales as well. Okay. So we've been doing good. You know, sales, you high.

SPEAKER_07: 5:55

You're a little high. You're low, you're middle. It's good when it's good. It's amazing. And it's bad when it's bad. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 6:00

And and I my stomach didn't like the falls.

SPEAKER_07: 6:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 6:04

I said, you know what? You know, I have a degree, I can do this. And I really hated working for people. Like I've had jobs, but I felt like something wrong with me. I don't like working for people. And on my dad's side, they're all entrepreneurs. So it made sense, like, okay, now I don't like people telling me when to go to work, when to be there, and when to take a lunch a break. That was not my style. I hated it. Absolutely hated it. And I was like, ah, this cubicle, you know, why are you not in your seat? Why everybody at your cubicle? And you asked them what it is. I'm just sitting down. So I've always talked a lot, you know, very personable. But the reason why, I knew I did not want to be confined to a schedule. And I wanted my life to have purpose. I wanted to help people, and I wanted to make a lot of money. Before I was a personal trainer, I prayed to God, let me help people, but I made a little bit of money. So I said, I gotta be very detailed with God. Okay. I said, God, okay, for real. This time, I want to help people and I want to make some money doing it. And I know I need to do it quickly. So I'm you used to call me Google Queen. I Googled insurance business. I Googled how much commission, how they get paid in advance. I said I can help people to kill two birds with one stone. I'm gonna do this business. And then, you know, my daughters were still young. I think one at the time was um, you know, I'm breastfed my children kind of late. So she was still kind of breastfeeding a little bit when I was taking the tests and doing all that. So I said, allow me to still be home with the kids and not confined to a schedule. So that's why I chose the industry.

SPEAKER_02: 7:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 7:38

I didn't know about, I wasn't thinking about I'm gonna be around men with money, with cars, with influence. My brain was like, let me sign y'all up and get, you know, some policies off you. And as a matter of fact, the first year I got in, it was I was only signing up family members and friends. I was just aggressive about it. I mean, I probably did about 55,000 in my first year part-time, just calling people. If you say you knew somebody, I didn't say, hey y'all, I just got a policy. I mean insurance. Let me know. No, I was like, let me talk to them now. Put them on three-way, let me get a number. You know, I was aggressive in that approach.

SPEAKER_02: 8:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 8:15

And then I ran out of people. I found a gentleman online. He was very successful, and I instantly messaged him, hey, can you help me? And the rest was history. He gave me a number to our leader, called him, and I went to work.

SPEAKER_02: 8:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 8:29

And I went to work and I just married. Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 8:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 8:33

But it was still it was it was rough.

SPEAKER_02: 8:35

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 8:36

And it was rough. You know, he was, God, I'm not trying to talk about this man and the you know, because we actually we just talked yesterday and I got some of his recipes for these. We're friends now. Yeah, too. I went through a very rough dash.

unknown: 8:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 8:51

Even anybody. Yeah, but he was like, You're not doing them talking about.

SPEAKER_07: 8:56

Yeah, we don't know who you're talking about. Yeah. We don't know him. We'll call him Fred.

SPEAKER_00: 9:00

Yes. So, you know, I supported him so much in his business, and you know, I know everybody thinks they're a good wife, but I I'm I'm being for real. I'm a phenomenal wife.

SPEAKER_08: 9:10

Toot your own home. So give me, give me two or three things that qualified you as a phenomenal wife.

SPEAKER_00: 9:16

Very supportive.

SPEAKER_08: 9:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 9:18

Very loving. I kept myself together, kept the children together, educated. You know, I cooked, cleaned, didn't nag him about what's going on with your business, what's up with this money? You need to get a job. Like most women do. I let him do his career and I didn't nag him. Prayed for him. You know, he required a lot of prayer. I'm just being real. Some people come from certain parts, you know, they're dealing with a lot of struggle.

SPEAKER_02: 9:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 9:42

So even when women say, I want to get married, I want to get married, I'm like, you have no idea. It's not what you see online. You're not a prayer warrior, don't think about marriage.

SPEAKER_02: 9:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 9:52

Just don't do it. But he he will tell you to this day, he's he, of course, you know, hey, I screwed that thing all the way up, but I was supportive of him when no one else was. So I felt when I started my little business, he was gonna be the same way. And he was absolutely terrible.

SPEAKER_02: 10:13

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 10:14

And I didn't realize about myself, I require a lot of support. Because the way I was raised, I didn't get it. So it was a reminder of what you know of what I was lacking I'm like, here it shows up again. You know, I felt I should have had more support.

SPEAKER_08: 10:31

In what way should that support have because I will tell you that men are dense in the sense that we don't know what you mean. So in what sense should that have shown up for you for it to be something that's either tangible that you could not help but notice?

SPEAKER_00: 10:46

Um, one don't aggravate me. If I'm working, don't what I mean is, and I'm I'm gonna go back to that, but for one, support in the sense of happy for me that I got a sale today. You know, happy for me that I closed that deal. Um happy for me that you see me growing and I'm you know, I was always a reader, but I'm reading more, I'm listening to, you know, more audible and I'm taking something on as a sales. Because he's always telling me, Jenny, please just let me take care of you and you you spend my money, but you salesperson, give me a break. You just you're not cut from that cloth. You're not you don't have that dog in you. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_08: 11:31

And I have to jump in because salespeople are not born, they're made.

SPEAKER_06: 11:35

That's right.

SPEAKER_08: 11:35

And I can tell you with absolute certainty as someone who's been successful in sales and continue to I I brag about this, I can take any little shithead and make them into a sales monster. So that's not something you say to people.

SPEAKER_07: 11:49

No lie.

SPEAKER_08: 11:49

That's not still time to make it.

SPEAKER_00: 11:56

So he said that, but I didn't come when I say I was aggressive, I couldn't sell the business like a man. I mean, I get used my smile, my femininity, you know, and I'm more of a consultant here, but I don't stop. So I wasn't doing sales the way he thought it should have been done. But I was still very successful. So he wasn't supportive in the fact of you can do it, and he was sabotaging things. He was make making me more miserable, arguing about things that he would normally never not argue about.

SPEAKER_07: 12:31

You need to pick the kids up.

SPEAKER_00: 12:33

He was doing all that. He had he had the girls one time and he left his expensive glasses somewhere in the mall. And he just hit the roof. And I was like, listen, you left the glasses at perimeter, come on. I guarantee you somebody put them up. No, no, he just went off. Show up, they have the glasses. You know, but it was little things. I was like, I can't work like this. I'm already dealing with something new. It's a shift for me because I love being at home with my children. But it was a direct correlation from him that I can't provide for her anymore.

SPEAKER_08: 13:05

What do you think was the bigger threat? Well, you think that itself was the bigger threat, or do you think that it was a bit of jealousy in terms of who you're going to be around?

SPEAKER_00: 13:14

Both.

SPEAKER_08: 13:15

Okay. So equally.

SPEAKER_07: 13:16

A man wanna feel needed. So when you're taking that from him, so that was some of his resistance too.

SPEAKER_00: 13:23

But what are we supposed to do? Starve to death? I was going to see that everything.

unknown: 13:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 13:27

Like if you don't have anything. Because some women will sit there. I have seen women sit there and let the ship sink.

SPEAKER_08: 13:33

I have had women sit there and let the shit sink.

SPEAKER_00: 13:36

You know, and I'm like, do something already. He he's just going through a little thing, and I promise you guys when I say he he went through certain things, but he will tell you I never was like, oh my God, give me a break. You the one supposed to be providing. I'm the one this, I'm doing my job. Staying home with the kids, cooking, cleaning, keeping myself together, right? Being who I am. And I think that even made him more upset because it was like, I don't have anything on her. You know, like she's doing everything she's supposed to do.

SPEAKER_08: 14:08

And the reality is we do know that.

SPEAKER_00: 14:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 14:11

We do know that. We look at our wives and we're just like, God damn, I just wish you'd mess up here and there. Because when we're not doing great, you know, and and our job is not super complicated. You know, either one of us, really, you know, neither gender is really super complicated. I mean, there is some intricacies, obviously, but we have to think about protection, we think about, you know, provision, you know, we think about certain things. A lot of it we have to be taught because every person's different, right? So what you require is going to be different than what another woman requires, right? Based on the relationship and based on your background. But the basics, we should know what they are. And if we're missing any one of those three, you know, I would like to think every man can protect. Not always, but I'd like to think I'd like to think we think that. Without, you know, even though I've seen some some dudes be ready to run. But I'd like to think we're ready to step up, right? An average decent person. But the providing part, you can try as hard as you want. Sometimes it's not on you because life is life. Yeah. And things are happening. And when that happens, your ego takes a punch to the gut. And I don't understand men who have a problem with their wives stepping up to say, I got us too.

SPEAKER_00: 15:27

This is what it is. It's not that I think if I had got a job, it would have been okay. But you gotta realize, like in the year that I first was doing it, I made about fifty-something thousand. He was still bringing money in. You know, it wasn't a lot, but it was still like, okay, she's doing better than me. Right? I think what happened for us is that when I started really doing it.

SPEAKER_08: 15:50

You started making more fast. Wow.

SPEAKER_00: 15:52

Like he'll deal, I was one of the fastest in the company. Yeah. My third month in, I was the number two in that entire company. We got eight states. So here in his mind, like, are you kidding me? This girl going from stay-at-home mom to the third month. It was the amount of money for him. And let me tell you what I used to do. And that's why I had the tooth my own horn. He didn't have any money. I would send money to his account, right? So when he has the daughters, my girls, they wouldn't have to hear him asking me for anything.

SPEAKER_08: 16:27

Man. You get what I mean? That's that's that's beautiful of you. Yeah. You know, that's wonderful of you because it's it's something that a man would really, really appreciate because our pride is so, so fragile. Yeah. Right? And and then just you doing that is really, really strong. But at the same token, we are in our own heads. And like, God damn, like this is horrible.

SPEAKER_07: 16:53

And then if we don't know a man, some men would uh that would allow that to happen. But a man But a real man is gonna struggle with it, right?

SPEAKER_08: 17:00

And when we struggle with it, then sometimes if we're not careful, we don't know what to take that anger out on, and then it comes back out on you.

SPEAKER_00: 17:08

Yeah. And I was like, Are you kidding me? I'm making this so easy. You know, not easy. I know it's rough for him because he's been a provid used to being a provider and taking care of everyone. Well, then my daughters sometimes they would say, Why is daddy not working? What is that? You know, they're young, they don't know. And I'm lying. I say, you know what, daddy's made so much money where he's looking at a new project and he has money saved, so that they're like, Oh, okay. You know, and they're back to their little pigtails and run around the house. And because they're used to him moving.

SPEAKER_08: 17:38

So at that point, you're killing it, and what happened?

SPEAKER_00: 17:40

He's not working at that point, or he wasn't working and he was being he was already a pain in the I'm just gonna keep it real with you. Now he he was a lot to deal with. Yeah. And I told him from the jump in the beginning, he's he asked me a question. If I was a garbage man, would you deal with me? I said absolutely not. So you're too much work.

SPEAKER_08: 17:57

Not because he's a garbage man, because he's too much work or he's too much work to be a garbage man. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 18:02

You're gonna be a garbage man, you gotta be nice. You gotta be a layback, B personality. You're A-plus personality kind of dude. You like things very particular. You require a lot, so you're gonna have to give a lot. I'm not dealing with you, a garbage man.

SPEAKER_07: 18:17

Like you And I I'm sitting here thinking about how she was when I got into this business, you know. Your wife. Yeah. And in all transparency, when we first moved to Georgia, transferred with ADT, wasn't doing as great out as I was doing in Memphis. You know, ADT here was a lot different, you know. So I'm like, I heard about this company, so I got in touch with the with uh my now current director and we got into insurance. But during the building phase, I wasn't making any money. Right. You know, my wife paid a lot, but she was accustomed to having a lot, you know, because of our lifestyle prior to this business. She had a lot of Louis Vuitton and Gucci bags. That saved us because we was able to consign some of that stuff. You know, so we got real stories of how we did it together. Yeah. Like when I didn't have it, she paid. I I was paying the look be another paying the cable bee.

unknown: 19:17

Exactly. I don't know.

SPEAKER_07: 19:18

I was paying the cable bee. You know, I was but I was a man, I always had to do something, you know, putting money in my account uh or giving me the card up under the table when we're out with friends and stuff. You know, she did that.

SPEAKER_08: 19:30

Yeah, you know, I've done that too. It's like slip me the card, and I'm just like, it means the world of you having to shit. That was one time I had my card. Yeah. And like I'm I'm still good. And but she was she was like, I'm gonna pay for it, but still wouldn't hand me the card or let let it be known that she was the one paying for it.

SPEAKER_07: 19:47

So right like to this day, like nothing that she can act for, she won't get. I'm serious. Yeah, you know, get she can get it all.

SPEAKER_08: 19:54

Yeah. So continue with the story. So you're doing well.

SPEAKER_00: 19:58

Yeah, he's acting out. He's acting out. He was already acting out prior to this. And to be honest with you guys, because I don't want anybody thinking like, I don't do that insurance, I'll lose my husband.

SPEAKER_08: 20:11

It's not insurance. It's sales or sales. Really, I should say it's not just sales. It's sales or anything that where you're where you're kind of self-employed. Yeah. Because then you have to wear many hats. You have to deal with all sorts of people.

SPEAKER_00: 20:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 20:24

Right?

SPEAKER_00: 20:25

So yeah, he was being difficult, and prior to that, I I kind of felt like this is going to end. And my girlfriend's tease, they say, oh, he knew, you know, baby shot breastfeeding and genny, stay at home. We knew the real genny. We knew the genny he ain't gonna put up with all of that stuff. You know, so he didn't know that part of me, or I think he felt like I was a person like, oh, she just wants she doesn't care what's going on in the inside. She cares how it looks on the outside. He was a handsome guy, good looking guy. You know, we look good together, good looking family. Um, but I like peace. And I'm like, you're gonna either get it together, you're gonna get out of here. Cause I I don't do well with drama, the turmoil and chaos and coming home to you're gonna get chaos in the world. I need to if I'm gonna be in here acting right, you need to be in here acting right. Now everybody can have their little moments, but you're turning this into a war zone.

SPEAKER_02: 21:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 21:21

And I'm not, I'm not this is not War of the Roses. I don't know if y'all remember that movie.

SPEAKER_03: 21:25

Yeah, yeah. As a whole, Micah Douglas.

SPEAKER_00: 21:29

Yes, exactly. So I'm like, uh no, this is not, I need peace. So, you know, you ask people to go to therapy, do different things, and they won't do it. And this is another comment I made, and I'm and I tell people this comment, I don't think this is a big deal. Did I say this? But to everybody else, you know, I mean, from upper crust to little hood girls uh in the middle, they're like, oh, they're like cluster of pearls.

SPEAKER_08: 21:56

I can't wait to hear that. What did you say?

SPEAKER_00: 21:58

I told him, I said, this is me being nice. I said, listen, this is what I'm gonna do. Because I think he started, he started back working. But it was just so much torment. I said, listen, this is what I want you to do. This is what we're gonna do. You work, don't pay no bills, don't pay anything. I said, save your money, and you take that money and you leave.

SPEAKER_07: 22:20

Oh, god damn.

SPEAKER_00: 22:24

Because he was doing too much. Oh my god damn. I thought that was that jennifer.

SPEAKER_02: 22:30

I thought that was nice.

SPEAKER_08: 22:33

I said, don't pay. I thought it was be nice. What's the problem? Kick him in the nuts why down.

SPEAKER_00: 22:38

I said don't pay any bills.

SPEAKER_08: 22:40

Take your little money so you can have somewhere to go. So excuse is no longer I have nowhere to go, or we're gonna split this house. No, no. Now that you have money, take it and go to this little, you know, this little apartment or whatever.

SPEAKER_00: 22:51

No, he was making good money now.

SPEAKER_08: 22:53

Yeah, but you wanted to save all of it so he could leave.

SPEAKER_00: 22:56

Because he was doing too much.

SPEAKER_08: 22:58

Yeah. Well, you know what? I don't even think there's anything wrong with the statement because it's context. It's context.

SPEAKER_00: 23:05

Well, why did y'all do that? Why did you respond?

SPEAKER_08: 23:07

Because of the pride thing. Okay. Because of how how it comes across to to me. I'm still here. I'm responsible for bills here. I still live here. I still contribute to myself and my health. Yeah, my wife. Until that happens, you don't tell me to take my little money and save it.

SPEAKER_00: 23:24

I didn't say little money.

SPEAKER_08: 23:25

But that's not true.

SPEAKER_00: 23:26

That's not hearing it.

SPEAKER_08: 23:29

I heard that. You heard it. She didn't say it, but I heard it.

SPEAKER_00: 23:36

But I was trying to make his life easier because I didn't want him to feel like I gotta pay here and then I gotta pay there.

SPEAKER_07: 23:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 23:44

We're living in Johns Creek.

SPEAKER_07: 23:45

You want to make it easy.

SPEAKER_00: 23:46

I wasn't trying to make it easy. So at this point, I wanted him really to be real with you if I can make it. I wanted him gone.

SPEAKER_07: 23:52

Yeah, that's what it was. He was doing too much.

SPEAKER_00: 23:54

He's ready to end, yeah. Like, I'm stressed with you, I'm stressed with the kids, I'm stressed with this new business. Yeah. People telling me no, beat it, kick rocks.

SPEAKER_02: 24:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 24:02

They don't know that, you know, my background and we used to a huge home and we're, you know, how I live, and I got somebody that I feel like, are you kidding me? Don't only get me started. And you telling me to kick rocks. Yeah. Like, I'm here to help you, and this house is a mess. And you know what I mean? That's so I gotta deal with all this newness of the business, him not believing in me. So I'm like, I need to eliminate stress. And you are the cause of this stress, and you are not trying to fix it. Right?

SPEAKER_02: 24:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 24:32

So I'm just supposed to sit here and you're not gonna, you know, so and in the beginning I was like, okay, let's just separate. His family was talking to him, like, look, look, man, just give Jenny some space and y'all will fix things. But he knew me. So deep down inside, he knew my face. It's like, y'all not losing y'all wife. I don't want to hear this shit. You know, he was gone. He was mad at the pastor, you know, he was mad at everybody, you know. Oh, that pastor, and he's telling me this. Yeah, he got his wife. I don't want to hear it. I was like, oh my God.

SPEAKER_08: 25:09

Yeah, you were done.

SPEAKER_00: 25:11

I was done.

SPEAKER_08: 25:11

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 25:13

I was done.

SPEAKER_08: 25:14

So other than the support that you weren't getting, what's another example of because I know based on your personality and everything you've said so far, it wasn't money.

SPEAKER_00: 25:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 25:26

You know, you could have survived that. Yeah. You know, you were willing to just roll up your sleeves and go to work and support the family just as well. So it wasn't that. Based on the fact that you would do things to make sure that he didn't his pride wasn't hurt when you'd give him money. What's another glaring thing that he did where you were kind of like, yeah, this is the day I knew I was done?

SPEAKER_00: 25:46

Yeah, so man. You know, he I I felt he was I thought he I felt and I knew he would sabotage my business. And what I mean by that, let's say we were all in a meeting, he got so ridiculous to where I felt like he would come in and just kill the whole thing. Just erratic, just with his vibe. Not just no, his words.

SPEAKER_02: 26:13

His words.

SPEAKER_00: 26:14

Like if he could, he would just blow the whole thing up because it wasn't his. But it was my fault because I saw the signs in the beginning. We've been going through a lot of things in the beginning that I noticed, like, why are we getting an argument? He breaking my stuff. You don't break his stuff. It'd be little stuff like that, you know, that we don't pay attention to.

SPEAKER_08: 26:34

Yeah, little signs.

SPEAKER_00: 26:35

You breaking my stuff, but your stuff intact.

SPEAKER_08: 26:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 26:38

You broke my little cup on my first trip with St. Thomas Cup meant to me. I like, why he broke my little vacation, little island trip, you know. He broke it. And I just remember that. I was like, man, this guy's, you know, he's a sabotager. And then too, you gotta realize now it's not just me. You you would sabotage something dealing with my children. And for me, the reason I also went in sales, especially when I knew I wasn't going to be with him. And I said to myself, I will not struggle. I never struggle. I don't care if I work two or three jobs. I never had a money problem in my life. Because I wouldn't allow myself to have a money problem. I would figure it out. That's why I went so hard in this business.

SPEAKER_07: 27:27

She killed it.

SPEAKER_00: 27:28

I was like, no, I like having stuff. I like eating a steak dinner. I like to travel. I don't like not having.

SPEAKER_07: 27:35

And the other thing that he's probably thinking about today is that, I mean, he didn't think you can do it for one. Yes. And the fact that you did it, and not only did you do it, you killed that shit. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Pushed him on. Go on get you, go on put you, say your money. Say your money so you can get the fuck on. And let me go ahead and build my career and build my build my empire. And he's probably thinking about that too. Oh, he talks about it a lot.

SPEAKER_00: 28:00

He'll say, like, I knew money, I ain't know it was money in that. And yeah, he'll he will apologize. I would give him that. He's apologized several times. I screwed it up. I'm dealing with regret, guilt, all of that. Like, I ruined the literally, like, I ruined the best thing that happened to me. Like, we could have been phenomenal. And I wasn't trying to push him out. I invited him into business. And he was like, Ike, you know, Tina Turner. You know, he was on something, I ain't working for you. You work for me. You know, like, huh? I ain't doing your damn man. Yeah. I was like, we're doing it together. He was like, man, doing that. And he's like, explain it to me.

SPEAKER_08: 28:37

What type of sales was he in?

SPEAKER_00: 28:39

He was, um, he had his own company, but he was dealing with high state, like getting people loans and to where he would have investors come in. They were trying to sell a product, like somebody had a patent and they were trying to sell it to the open market. I see. So he used to deal with attorneys and This was too little for him.

SPEAKER_07: 28:56

Yeah, this was way too little, three, four, five, six thousand dollar polishes.

SPEAKER_00: 29:01

Yeah, he wanted he wanted something big and he's just too bougie. I will he ghetto bougie. Yeah. Just being honest with you. He's from New York. He's by way of New York.

SPEAKER_07: 29:10

So we're talking about uh what part? What part?

SPEAKER_00: 29:14

Um Brooklyn and somewhere else. It was a bunch of places. I can't because my dad's from New York, flatbush. He just felt like, give me a break. Sometimes when people think so big, it's just like, Jen, I'm not dealing with that. But then he seemed the money in it, but he didn't want to do it. So he wasn't supportive.

SPEAKER_08: 29:31

You know, um one thing that comes to mind, and I'll speak for myself. You know, when you're really good at something, you have this one thing, right? So for example, I look at my wife, she's really good at a lot of things, and I admire her for so many things. But I'm like, you know what I'm really good at where I can kick your ass in all day long? Sales. What if she got in sales tomorrow? I'd be like, I got nothing left. I know it wouldn't take it to the extreme of making her life miserable and sabotaging her business at support. But I think there's like a little egotistical thing to where you're still competing with the person you're supposed to be supporting and backing up to be like, well, this is the one thing that I know how to do better than you, right? To the point where if you were to give him advice, let's say you weren't in sales yet and you try to give him, well, why don't you try saying this? Because you know, he would maybe venting and complaining about something, like, well, maybe you should try saying that. Back of his head, he'd be like, that's that's really good. But I'm not gonna admit that to her because all of a sudden she's giving me advice about my job, how to do my job, and she's got better skill sets. Um I think that played a role as well where he felt like there was something that he had that he was great at, and then not that you took it away, because you didn't do anything wrong in that sense, but it's like, man, even that.

SPEAKER_00: 30:43

I think so, because that was the one thing that he was he still I still think to this day he's a I know he's a better salesperson than me. It's just an opportunity. And if you're willing to humble yourself and do it. And there's a lot of people that are better than us doing it, but they want to be so high level and I want to do that. I don't sell annuities and yeah, it's only you African Americans, so it's only three percent of us that's earning six figures and more, right? So now you done brought yourself down to a smaller pocket, so it's harder to close those deals. But you know what it is like for a woman? Probably for a man too. When you start something, you know what it why it hurts so bad when you don't get support? It's like your best friend hating on you.

SPEAKER_08: 31:26

I think it affects women more than it affects men. Yeah, it's like a I care less.

SPEAKER_00: 31:30

It's a hater. It's like you turn you a hater now? You hating?

unknown: 31:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 31:34

You know, you're worse than somebody in the street.

SPEAKER_07: 31:36

It's definitely a w uh a woman deal.

SPEAKER_08: 31:37

And yeah, does it make sense? I mean, I don't need you to sabotage my situation, but if you don't support in that sense, m we as men need support, but I think it means a lot more to you that we step into that role to say we got your back, or how can we help? How can we make this easier? I don't know if you're if I'm just speaking for myself here, Willie, but I don't expect the help, I guess, in a sense. I don't expect the support. This is my job, that's what I gotta go do, so I go do it. When you jump into something, it's not just work, but you're jumping into something where you're self-employed. I need to be there for you because you're gonna have a lot of shitty days. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 32:11

It changes the dynamics in a lot of things for me. So I just wasn't expecting it. So it was blindsided. I was like, man, I supported him for years, ups and downs, and never got upset there for him. So I thought he would have the same trait. Yeah. But it was never tested.

SPEAKER_04: 32:27

It now gets tested.

SPEAKER_00: 32:30

And then it w it triggers something like I said in me. You don't realize that's a big deal for you until it shows up. And then when it shows up, you're like, man, if you don't fix this, you may not know this is a big deal for me, but you gotta fix this because I can't operate like this. I can't live like this.

SPEAKER_08: 32:47

So when the seas are smooth, everybody's a great captain. Right?

SPEAKER_00: 32:52

I like that.

SPEAKER_08: 32:54

You find out who someone really is when she holds.

SPEAKER_00: 33:02

I'ma use that.

SPEAKER_08: 33:05

Consider that stolen.

unknown: 33:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 33:08

So, you know, now you figure who someone really is because there's there's dermal and there's issues. Yeah. He wasn't involved in business.

SPEAKER_00: 33:16

He wasn't. I felt he could have been an asset because in my brain, I was gonna put him to work. I was gonna make him go in that field. Handle them. I was gonna handle the books. I know to this day he's a better salesperson than me.

SPEAKER_08: 33:29

Yeah, you've said that twice. So as a salesperson, I have to ask, why do you say that?

SPEAKER_00: 33:33

He's assertive. He's a thinker.

SPEAKER_07: 33:36

Most aquariuses that there are. Sure, really. Sure, really throw that in. Most aquarius, man, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 33:44

But and then he, you know, from New York, he can read the room quicker than me. He's been through a lot more life situations. So well, it took me time like to figure out that this person's a joke.

SPEAKER_07: 33:55

Yeah, I already know.

SPEAKER_00: 33:56

Dealing with that, you know, we're on to the next.

SPEAKER_07: 33:57

But do you go into the means and he's quiet and he sits back and he watches and observes? Yeah. You know. Yeah. Not very upfront and friendly and everything.

SPEAKER_00: 34:05

Oh, and he said on me about that too, being so friendly.

SPEAKER_07: 34:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 34:08

You know, I was like, what are you smiling for? He's smiling. My dad told me he trusts people to smile all the time. And I'm like, why can't I smile? He's from New York too. So I'm like, why can't I smile? He's like, all that skinning and grinning, I ain't got time for all of that. Just let like how Willie came in the meeting.

SPEAKER_02: 34:20

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 34:21

I mean, you would have to get up close up on him to like him.

SPEAKER_02: 34:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 34:25

But if he came into a meeting, you'd think, oh, who's this arrogant jerk? You know? You were right to think that.

SPEAKER_07: 34:31

It is all the time. It's crazy. And you're everything but.

SPEAKER_04: 34:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07: 34:35

Everything but. And I always say when people really get to know me, the the people who really know me, they really, really like me. Right. You know, but I'm like an onion. You got to peel me down. You know? And it takes a it takes a minute for you to get there. But once you in, yeah, I'm locked, I'm loyal, I'm gonna fight, we go do whatever we got to do together to get to what we're trying to get to. Yeah. But it takes a lot to get to that point. You got layers. I got layers. Like Shrek.

unknown: 35:00

Right.

SPEAKER_08: 35:01

Yeah. You could have picked a parfait, you know. They have layers too.

SPEAKER_00: 35:06

Exactly. But I w I want to say something too, and I don't know if I don't I'm gonna say it before I miss it. Now, what I do understand about men, as women in in sales, you learn more how men feel, though. And what I mean by that is, you know, when I was younger, he go to meetings, and I could probably be a pain in the butt. When are you coming home? What you doing? Why'd a meeting taking so long? But when you're on the receiving end of that, nobody wants to deal with that.

SPEAKER_07: 35:37

Nobody wants to deal with that.

SPEAKER_00: 35:38

And if women understood how aggravating that was, I cannot. The worst thing don't date me and ask me what I'm doing and what I'm coming. I just it's just so annoying.

SPEAKER_03: 35:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 35:49

It's like, let me just work and and do what I need to do and and come home.

SPEAKER_07: 35:54

So I got look, I got you when I get there.

SPEAKER_00: 35:56

I see you when I get there. Yeah. But when you get the calls or you get the annoyance or someone aggravating you are you in b or asking a lot of questions, sometimes you get a little masculine in this business if you don't watch it. So when your mind is thinking and doing, you're like, what? What do you need? You know, you d I wasn't as soft as I as I was like, stay at home mother, breastfeeding and cooking dinner.

SPEAKER_08: 36:23

And that was your life for a little bit.

SPEAKER_00: 36:24

That was my life, so now I gotta get it get in you. Now I gotta start thinking. I'm not him, but I still have to start thinking so I can't be aggravated. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

SPEAKER_08: 36:34

It's definitely one of those where to date someone who's in that field, sales or being an entrepreneur, because people quit their regular nine to five so they can go work for themselves because they think they're gonna work less sometimes. But it's the opposite, right? You're gonna double the amount of hours you work because you're never off. But having someone in your life who doesn't understand that can be a pain, mostly for them, because then they are gonna struggle with figuring out why you can't make time for me or why you can't be more, I guess, more regular, right? It's that's just being regular. You get off at this at this time, you don't work the weekends, you know. And that's the that's not what happens.

SPEAKER_07: 37:12

And I'm gonna tell you something in my relationship, it was kind of total the opposite. My wife is really into the kids and her job and you know, providing, doing whatever she had to do for the house. Whole day I go by and she hadn't called that. You ain't worried about me.

SPEAKER_05: 37:30

I know. Like, hello, I'm here.

SPEAKER_07: 37:33

I've been working all day. I mean, I could have literally been anywhere. But that so it worked for me. Yeah. Because once I got accustomed to okay, how she thinks, and you know, because I I know that if she would have been calling me throughout the day while I'm working, I would have been miserable.

SPEAKER_03: 37:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07: 37:47

So after a while, I'm like, because I'm I was used to women doing that. So when she didn't do it, she was like, hey, oh, I'm fine. I'm I'm sitting here working. Me and the kids, we're doing this, we're doing that, and we're doing that. Okay, let me go, let me, let me go keep doing what I'm doing. Well, shit, just check on the nigga.

unknown: 38:04

I know.

SPEAKER_07: 38:05

We laugh about that all the time. She allowed me to grow. Uh, she never tried to change anything that I did, never tried to change who I was. She just kind of embraced it and added her value in wherever it can it can fit. So I know that I can call if I was having a bad day, we'll sit there, we'll talk about it. Hey, come back with three. That's what she would say to me. Hey, come back with three. Don't come home unless you got three. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 38:30

You know, but that's why you can survive in the business. It's a key thing with your wife.

SPEAKER_07: 38:34

That's your family.

SPEAKER_00: 38:36

A lot of men don't want to give credit to that wife.

SPEAKER_07: 38:38

Man, I give it to her now. I didn't give it to her before. I'm gonna be honest with you. I didn't I didn't give it to her.

SPEAKER_00: 38:44

You know, we hire people in, and I can tell immediately if this guy's probably gonna make it or not. If you meet the wife, either one of two things. If she don't want anything to do with it, I'm like, mm-hmm, it's probably not gonna work. Or she wants to be too involved and she's a negative influence. Or she doesn't have some women can't have their husbands do this business and they don't have a business state of mind. I see it a lot. It's like some, you know, your your wife is, you know, good in that area, but sometimes if a man is an entrepreneur and that wife is too nine to five-ish, it's not gonna work. It's gonna be just turmoil because she is like, like you said, I don't understand why you can't be here at five and why you gotta work on the weekend and why you gotta have these conference calls and I have to agree with the men in this area, but you want all this stuff.

SPEAKER_02: 39:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 39:36

You want a vacation all the time, you want nice stuff, you want, you know, you like clothes, you know, nice restaurants, you like this home, or you want a bigger home. He has to work. He has to probably nine times out of ten be out of this house. So, but when they come in and they're like, Oh, my wife doesn't really want me to do it, and then they're a little weak. I'm just being real. Yeah, a lot of these men are not. That's the worst thing. A lot of they weak. And I'm like, so she's telling you what to do.

SPEAKER_02: 40:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 40:04

And I can't get too involved because I'm like, that's your wife. I don't want to tell you what you but I already know, like, you're not that tough.

unknown: 40:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 40:11

Or you don't really believe in it. And she's dragging her feet. And I'm like, this is gonna be a mess. But a lot of times the wealthier the guy is, I already know he had a good wife at home.

SPEAKER_07: 40:21

It goes together. One of the most important decisions that you can make is who you marry. Mm-hmm. It can it can make you or it can it can break you. And like I said, with mine, she she allowed me to grow and do what I needed to do. Like I said, when I came to insurance, she didn't necessarily really believe in insurance or really knew anything about it. But she knew me. She knew the grind. She knew the hustle. She knew that I was gonna make something happen. In the morning, getting up, I had a uh mobile detailing business. That's actually how I missed the phone.

unknown: 40:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_08: 40:53

Yeah, you pull up to the corporate office.

SPEAKER_07: 40:55

Corporate office, I'm washing cars out there in the parking lot. You know, I was the kid that was going through the neighborhood with my dad's lawnmower, trying to make my own money. That has been me. And we got history. We've been knowing each other for a long time, me and my wife. So she knew my family again, she knew my pedigree. So she didn't really have to worry about a whole lot of stuff. Because I'm gonna get out there and I'm gonna work my ass off. I'm gonna make some shit happen, but I'm also gonna have fun. So she also knew that about me. I work hard, but then I also play hard. So when I was playing hard and she hadn't called me all day, I'm like, man, this is I ain't working no more right now, but you still ain't gonna call me.

SPEAKER_05: 41:35

Okay. All right, I'm coming. All right, I see you by four in the morning.

SPEAKER_07: 41:40

You know, and then she got tired of that. So a man would change for the right person.

SPEAKER_03: 41:46

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_07: 41:46

I change, so now I'm a good boy. I'm at home by 6:30, 7 o'clock, in bed by nine. Unless you got a meeting at 10 p.m.

SPEAKER_03: 41:54

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07: 41:54

But if she knows if I have to go out of town for a week or two or three or four days, that's just what it is. Yeah. And then she was an entrepreneur too. She had an event planning business and stuff like that. So she understood the grind work that you have to have to go through that. That helped out a lot. She's nine to five, and then she had a successful business on the side. She understood it all.

SPEAKER_00: 42:13

She understood that work ethic and what it took and to not get you out the wrong headspace. Yeah. So that's part why she didn't call either. She's like, I know what it takes. Yeah. But when you're dealing with people, you get a nine to five and an entrepreneur to get it's just like they don't have any even desire to be an entrepreneur or do anything outside of the nine to five. Right. You gotta struggle.

SPEAKER_07: 42:32

Yeah. Big time.

SPEAKER_00: 42:32

And we see it a lot. You know, we see it a lot of struggles.

SPEAKER_07: 42:35

I don't want you going out at night. It's getting dark.

SPEAKER_00: 42:38

Who is that? Who's that? Why are you calling so late?

SPEAKER_07: 42:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 42:44

The person's on speaker phone. For goodness sake. You know, you have to deal deal with a lot of that. That's why I knew I can't I can't deal with this.

SPEAKER_07: 42:51

And making them feel secure in the business, you know, like I like my wife sees Jennifer. She knows she's an attractive lady. And so when she when Jennifer called her, we're talking, I'm on speaker.

SPEAKER_00: 43:01

And then if his wife is they I talk to his wife. Yeah. Like Willie can leave the room. We have a whole conversation. Just talking about still the business. Yeah. Because she also understands the business. Right. You get what I mean? She's heard him, and now she's a businesswoman. So a lot of things he's like, well, my wife can help with this, she can help with that.

SPEAKER_08: 43:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 43:19

But that's a good support system that allows him to be able to do what he needs to do.

SPEAKER_08: 43:23

So now that you're in the business, and I know there's been an entire paradigm shift with you. So now that you're here, what is your view of men? What is your view on men, rather? And when you decide to date, you're going to funnel people into certain places, into certain spots. You have a different outlook now. So who are you dating? Who are you picking? How do you assess the type of men you want to date? And what will you stay away from?

SPEAKER_00: 43:47

Oh, that's tough. Let me start. Stay away from Aquarius. Yes, let me say that again.

SPEAKER_03: 43:55

So for me, I don't believe in that.

SPEAKER_00: 43:56

End of January, February. No. Yeah, anywhere.

SPEAKER_07: 44:00

This ain't gonna work. We are not that bad.

SPEAKER_00: 44:04

They start off good.

SPEAKER_08: 44:08

No Aquarius man, got it.

SPEAKER_00: 44:10

No, seriously, how are you men? I've always, you know what, my brothers told me this years ago. They said, Jenny, you want Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, and somebody else all mixed in one. It's like you're too picky. So when I started dating my ex, he he had a lot of qualities. He still does have a, you know, he had a lot of quality. Good looking, know how to dress, making money, a giver. So I'm like, this is gonna work. My view of men, I think I've probably always been a little tough on men, if I could just be quite honest. Okay. I want you to be tougher than me. So if I'm thinking a certain way, I think you should already have that thought. I should already have been there. Do you know what I mean? Like if I'm thinking about business. Okay, let me give you an example.

SPEAKER_08: 44:54

I should have already been thinking what you're thinking.

SPEAKER_00: 44:56

What I mean by that is if I'm thinking about the future, my future, right? Savings, retirement, how we're gonna live, your brain needs to be already on that.

SPEAKER_08: 45:04

Sure. That I get.

SPEAKER_00: 45:05

So if your brain is not there, no.

SPEAKER_08: 45:07

So big picture things.

SPEAKER_00: 45:09

Big picture things. Are you a leader? You know, can you lead me in any capacity? And I, you know, women have to be honest with themselves. And I'm very honest with myself. Right, right. I I'm gonna be real. I like money.

SPEAKER_02: 45:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 45:22

I like a provider. That's what I like. And some people want to, you know, women want to skate around that and make themselves feel bad and say, no, okay, well, that's you.

SPEAKER_08: 45:31

That's a hundred percent okay with me if that's what you say up front, and that's what it is. Yeah. And that's what I'm okay with. Like that's what it is. And and not in the sense to where just like, well, I guess I won't put words in your mouth. So to what extent when you say you like money, you want to provide her? Because you're working, you're providing for yourself.

SPEAKER_00: 45:47

But what I mean by that is I don't want to have a money problem. I don't need money to buy a lot of clothes. And if I get used to, yeah, I don't have to have fancy restaurants, all that all the time. I like to cook.

SPEAKER_02: 45:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 45:58

You know, but I do want the home provided for, and then when I say I want to travel, I want to be able to go. It's two two or three times a year. That's not a lot to me.

SPEAKER_02: 46:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 46:08

But somebody who's tight, less an issue for them. You get what I mean? I want a man who's always progressing, who's always growing, and who wants more in life. So that is more difficult for me. If you're not gonna have that, I'm gonna be honest with you, you're gonna be real nice. When I say real nice, I mean you darn the angel on earth.

SPEAKER_08: 46:28

You won't you won't date that man, I tell you. It doesn't matter how nice that man is. At this point in your life, you're not dating that man.

SPEAKER_00: 46:33

I probably would. Nah. Or let me say this.

SPEAKER_08: 46:35

Let's let's let's let's imagine whatever you be real sweet. Like be real nice. Sorry. I gotta call you on that one.

SPEAKER_00: 46:44

You know, super sweet. I know wow.

SPEAKER_08: 46:49

Because you'll see him for what he is, and that's a wonderful person, but I can't be that person's partner, and that can be my partner because we're on two different paths. The financial side of it, he's not there, and you're not willing to go struggle.

SPEAKER_00: 47:00

I need the bills pay.

SPEAKER_08: 47:01

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 47:02

You know, and a lot of women don't like to say, I need the bills pay.

SPEAKER_08: 47:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 47:05

These bills have got to get paid. And by me being a stay-at-home mom for so many years, I don't like paying my bills. Even when I have it. I'm gonna just be real with you. I got it, but I don't like paying them. It's not fun.

SPEAKER_08: 47:17

I'm gonna like them dude. She's like, I I I I named every dollar and every time I parked ways with a woman.

SPEAKER_00: 47:25

And I'm like, let me tell you something like ex told me. You know what he told me? He said, I ain't got no problem with you. I said, What do you mean? He was like, You want too much. He said, Jim, you don't like spending your own money. And I thought about it. I was like, Oh, God, I don't. I am a giver, don't get me wrong. And he would tell you this: like, I'm a giver. I buy you stuff, I want to dating you, you're gonna get the best of the best, because I like the best of the best, right? But I do not like thinking and paying bills, even though I do it and I do it well, I don't like spending my money on bills. I don't like it. I feel like a man. Yeah. And if women were being honest, that ain't fun. Me taking my hard-earned money and nothing.

SPEAKER_05: 48:06

And paying for these lights.

SPEAKER_00: 48:07

And paying this bills, and paying as high as cardinals. Excuse my French, but you know how about the card and the tires$1,800. And I was like, somebody else is about to pay this. I'm not gonna do it. Somebody else needs to pay these bills.

SPEAKER_02: 48:21

Yeah. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00: 48:22

And then when a man is paying bills, you do shut up. You let a lot of stuff slide. When a man is paying bills, you you kind of like, okay.

SPEAKER_02: 48:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 48:32

I'm gonna be quiet. And I'm not an in-your-face type of woman anyway. I'm just, you know, I'm not trying, like, oh, she's so perfect. But I'm really not. I like peace. I'm not getting in you, right? I'm not going toe to toe. And because two, I raised with brothers and they always tell me, don't go toe to toe, no man. I ain't saying I never did it. It's a part of me just that's just who I am. I'd rather ignore you.

SPEAKER_02: 48:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 48:53

I'd rather just get quiet and let you cool off, and you know what, just leave the house if you're gonna act up, right? But back to this money. I do not like paying my own bills.

SPEAKER_08: 49:04

I don't like it. Let's say you meet someone and you talked about a man always looking towards the future, a person who wants to scale, a person who wants to elevate themselves, et cetera, right? But what you're seeing is currently they are not there, but they have all of the other elements. Super nice, super sweet, giving, caring. They have the provider mindset. They may not be able to yet, and they're on their way to all these different things. They can definitely protect you, but that person financially is not there, but you know that kind of. I would still date them. You would.

SPEAKER_00: 49:35

And you know what?

SPEAKER_08: 49:36

They can't pay bills today.

SPEAKER_00: 49:37

He can't. But let me tell you why. Let me tell you the biggest thing of everything that you named is he wants to. He has a desire to.

SPEAKER_08: 49:46

Okay, so the reason I asked you that question that way is because I think that's what a lot of women are missing. Women want the man uh like the meal is already prepped. It's 100% made. And I'm not saying you need to go and complete that man, that's not what anybody's looking for. But if you can look past certain things, not that you're lowing your standards, but if you can see everything for what it really is, and you can kind of see what this person is working towards, a lot of m women miss out. How many stories have we heard of people in general that were passed up and someone's looking at them like, oh man, I didn't know they're gonna get on this rise and just keep climbing. I mean, think about it, bro. Someone dumped Beyoncé one day.

SPEAKER_06: 50:25

Yeah.

unknown: 50:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 50:26

There's an ex-boyfriend out there who dumped her. Right. Yeah. I mean, and I'm not to say she's an L and all be all, but you know what I mean. As far as the world's looking, you know, this is a billionaire. This is someone who's doing great for himself. And there is someone who dumped Robert Smith, CEO and one of the richest billionaires in America, right?

SPEAKER_00: 50:45

That's the fun for me, though. Believe it or not, sincerely, I love my bills pay. But let me say this I think it would be more exciting for me when someone is doing something and going for something. Yeah. Because it's like we in this together.

SPEAKER_05: 50:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 50:59

That's the fun part.

SPEAKER_05: 51:00

The building of it.

SPEAKER_00: 51:01

The building of it. And believing in a man and we got this, and this is another strategy.

SPEAKER_07: 51:07

And honestly, that's what brought me and my wife closer together. Going through that together. Yeah. We didn't get to that point until we actually got to Georgia because we were forced to elevate ourselves. Together. And we elevated together. So that made us more of a powerful couple. Yeah. You know, because we even speak that to each other now. Hey, hey, go get it, go kill it. I know you go kill it. No, this morning, hey, go kill it. It's beautiful. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_00: 51:33

That's fun. I want that. If he doesn't already have it together, that's what I like. You know, like, okay, what do you plan on doing? Let's talk about that. I'm a good, what do you need me to do? You know, okay, this is this is a play. What do I what do I need to run? What do you what do you need me to be? Do you need me to be in this space? But I have to be used. And that's what I think a lot of men don't understand. When they find women or they feel like, well, she already got this together and she already making so much money over here and she's doing this and she's already driving this and she lives this kind of life. And I still don't feel like, you know, to us, we're living it. We're like, oh, we need more, a lot more. Give me about that times four, right? Right. So they miss out the fact that a good quality woman wants to be used in a good way. You know, we want to be, you know, put us to use. What do you need me to pray about? What do you need to be having be on my face about doing secretarial work? We want to be used and be valued in that way. Right. But a lot of men are like, she already got together, she ain't gonna listen, you know, she gonna do her own thing. And it's like, no, you're just not really used to good women.

SPEAKER_07: 52:37

Right. I mean like my wife, she's not very visible with the business. She doesn't come to any meetings, she really don't come to any events or anything like that, but she is the backbone of Nash Group Insurance Services. So she makes the calls, she sets the appointment sometimes, um, she booked my flights, she set the hotel arrangements up. I don't have to do anything but just show up. So those type of things is kind of important to me. I do like her, I want her to come to certain things, but if she can't make it, that ain't the end all be all. Hey, if you make sure that I'm uh laying down in a safe space, you know, that works for me. Yeah. You know, don't put me on a little track, you know, the hotel on a little track. You know what I like, put me there. You know how where I like to sit. When you uh book my flight, you know I got to have this particular seat. Yeah. You know, that means a lot more to me. You know, and she and she does that. That's wonderful.

SPEAKER_00: 53:28

It's needed. We we want that role. We sincerely as women, we want to fill that space of a feminine role for men. You run into some bad apples. I I run into the business. Um even in my business, I'm like, I can look at certain women, I'm like, man, she is mad aggressive. She's mad masculine. She doesn't realize it. She's totally operating in her masculinity, you know, and I can see it because you have to self you can self-diagnose your own self. I can tell when I'm doing it or I've done it. So it's a lot of work to be back to your natural state.

SPEAKER_04: 53:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 54:00

But I can tell you that I I would love that. I would love for a man to say, This is my idea, I want to work towards this. That's fun for me. Even if he doesn't have it right now.

SPEAKER_08: 54:08

Yeah. So what is your advice then for a woman who is looking to date? God knows, when I talk to a lot of women, they will tell you, man, that pool out there is just filthy. There's just nothing in there. Right? I hear it all the time. And maybe, again, I don't know. Where are you looking to, right? Because maybe you're behind a certain paywall. Maybe there's other reasons why you're not talking to the right people. Maybe there's an education gap. There's so many different reasons that you are looking at certain men. Maybe you're attracting what you are. We'll leave all that alone. But when you but when you're talking to when you're thinking about dating a man, what is your advice for them to not fall for the yokey doke? Well, girl, I got some plans. Well, everything's broken, but I got some plans. I promise you get with me. We'll we'll be straight in a few years. Because you don't want the, you know, I got daughters. I don't want them to fall for that nonsense either. But social media has made it to where the man's not making forget six figures. They don't even know what that means after that time because they've never made more than 30 grand. They don't even know what six figures is. So, but they'll tell you, now I hear uh specific numbers. I've heard a woman say, someone asked her, What's the least amount of money a man needs to make for you to date him? She said 250. Like, you need to make 250 to date you? Like 175 or 185, 250, 300K. You know, they just threw out some crazy numbers because they want to be in that space to where they're being provided for. But uh a woman who's dating, who's looking to be with someone It's hard for me to give you advice.

SPEAKER_00: 55:33

I don't have a man. I'm not, you know, I was married, but I'm not married now.

SPEAKER_02: 55:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 55:37

So and then too, I have to be honest with myself. And women have to be honest with themselves. Are you really dating? Are you sitting at home and you're going to, you know, you're doing your business and you're coming home. So I can't say these men are that bad. Because I'm not dating a lot. I can't do a census and like, oh, girl, it's bad out there. Oh, these men, it's crap. I don't go on dates like that. So I'm not in people's face. I mean, sometimes I say, you know, you should be dating, but sometimes I get a little lazy in that. You get used to your rhythm, you know, as women too. And if I can be quite honest with you, when you're in business, I get a lot of my needs filled from other men. And I don't mean not as a sexual way.

SPEAKER_05: 56:23

My mind went so far left.

SPEAKER_00: 56:27

I I listen, I don't mean it not in a sexual way, but in think about it. This kind of mess you up too. You get to deal with so many professional men that I can get my talk time in. You get what I mean? If I go to lunch or dinner, and then I go to lunch and dinner, and I laugh kiki, talk about business, I go home.

SPEAKER_02: 56:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 56:46

And I'll have to answer to anybody, you know what I mean? So that can get you caught up too, because you're getting that particular need met.

SPEAKER_02: 56:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 56:55

You get what I mean? Because it's like, okay, I can talk to this person, I can talk to that man, and I can, oh, he's powerful, and he's powerful in this way, and then I do my thing with the children, I hang out with my girlfriends, and pretty much fulfilled. You're fulfilled.

SPEAKER_07: 57:09

So you basically got a a man for everything. That's what I'm hearing. I got a man, you got a man for this. He I can talk to him about this. Everything except then the other man after 10 30 at 11 o'clock.

SPEAKER_08: 57:22

That's one that's more of a mentor.

SPEAKER_00: 57:24

Yeah. Right. You you get what I mean. So we don't talk about that enough until but I'm not really out there. So when I hear people like, oh, they're terrible, I'm like, these men are not that bad. I'm I'm gonna be honest with you too. We're really, we're really picky. And you gotta say to yourself, like you said, and women are saying, I'm not, he's not, I'm not gonna work with him. How can you tell? How can you tell if a man is really about his business? Watch his habits. A man that is an early riser, what is he talking about? You know, we trying to make this all difficult to figure out if he's full of crap or not. He's gonna talk about what he's doing, right? He's gonna move a certain way.

SPEAKER_03: 58:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 58:03

He's not gonna be too available. You can see that rather quickly. It's like, okay, what are you doing? If he doesn't like to talk about it or he's not doing it. If he's not an early riser and he's getting up and he's pumped and he's excited about talking, you you already know what you're dealing with. But for the most part, you know, with women, we do have to meet men where they are, but you gotta, you know, detect what is he about. At the end of the day, when I say, do I want my bills paid? Do I like paying bills? No, I I'm being honest. I don't. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02: 58:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 58:32

I mean, I like that I had the money to pay it, but I don't like to be the one paying it.

SPEAKER_02: 58:36

I'm just being, I'm just being serious.

SPEAKER_00: 58:39

I don't like writing a check. I like when he was writing the checks.

SPEAKER_02: 58:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 58:41

I like when uh I gotta go to Home Depot. Just certain loops.

SPEAKER_08: 58:46

That's when they know you're single. When you pop over to Home Depot and you sing.

SPEAKER_00: 58:49

I gotta be honest with you, when I go to Home Depot, I'm in a bad mood. I'm like, first of all, I didn't even be in here. I'm gonna tell the girls, call your daddy and tell him. I don't like being and I don't even go in there that much, but I don't like doing it. I don't like paying for service guys in the house. I don't like them flirting with me and charging me. It's a lot of things in this world that you have to be honest. Some women don't care. They're like, man, I get up there and not paint it. I you know, fix it. I'm not that kind of woman.

SPEAKER_02: 59:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 59:19

I'm just not her. But even like I said, let's say he doesn't have a lot of money. But he's doing all of that. He knows how to paint. He knows how to fix stuff.

SPEAKER_08: 59:27

Yeah, I gotta work. I gotta go to work. You paint, you fix stuff. I mean, yeah, even if it's not what you want, because I gotta tell you, it feels so gratifying to actually build something and create something and do it with your own hands. I was never that guy. I would rather go knock on a million doors and sell all day long and then pay someone to come to the show.

SPEAKER_00: 59:46

Well, I'm gonna be real with let me tell you the cheat code. If you don't make if guys, if you're not making a lot of money, fix some shit. Man, if you it is nothing like a woman seeing a man fix like he doing that, he getting at that.

SPEAKER_08: 59:57

I'm gonna go to Home Depot right after this guy.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:01

You take out one of the machines and like, man, I don't know how you do it. But but that is like such a masculine thing. I don't even like for the men to tell me you don't know. How you don't know about this car? You know, I grew up. Like, you don't either you have to be either or. You're either gonna be a money man or you need to be a fix-it man.

SPEAKER_07: 1:00:22

Yeah. But you can't. You need to bring something to the table. You can't fail.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:27

You can't fail both. Take my car, get a service. I don't even want to hear about what's wrong with it. I don't care. Just drive.

SPEAKER_08: 1:00:33

Get the details, get oil change. You know.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:36

Whatever you need to do with this car.

SPEAKER_08: 1:00:37

Put some oil in the tires.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:39

You already know all in the tires. Let me tell you. It's like that was the thing with the separation. I was like, I gotta do all this crap. And I used to fill up the car, the gas. I was like, oh, now I gotta go put gas in the car. I mean little things that you don't, you know, when people women like, I can do this by myself. I'm like, you don't want to do that, mess. Now you do it and you adapt. But as far as looking for men out here, you have to have money or be able to pay bills. When I say have money, that's relative. Because a man could make less than me. But if he knows how to manage m money better than I do, and he's an asset.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:14

Correct.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:15

Because to be honest with you, how can I say this without sounding male chauvinistic and a woman liking this?

SPEAKER_08: 1:01:22

That's right.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:23

You need covering from a man. You're gonna spend all that money. I really need somebody to come in and be like, nope. You're not doing that. We pulling back.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:34

And we this what we're doing with this money. I may not like it, but I need it. And I was raised with a father. So I can lean into that. You get what I mean? Okay, this is what you say, dude. We're gonna have to listen to daddy. He's a man in the house. If we listen to you, what do you need me to do? Okay, I'll do it. Okay, okay, you the boss, right? We need that cover.

SPEAKER_06: 1:01:55

He's living with some regret, right? Yeah, he's living with some regret. I I can see it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:01

You have to let a man lead.

unknown: 1:02:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:02

And we really want y'all to lead. But even with earning money, we still know, like, I need some covering. I'm not dumb. So I notice when the cover's taking off of you. It's like see you laying in bed and you're cold and somebody like, eh. Wake up. Like, I'm still chilly. I got my sheet, but it ain't nothing like that blanket. The man is a blanket.

SPEAKER_08: 1:02:26

That's a good way of putting it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:27

He's a blanket.

SPEAKER_08: 1:02:28

That's a good way. Weighted blanket, too. Yes. Yeah. I think that's a good spot to end it. Any woman who goes out and they have to do something that's a bit non-traditional when it comes to work is going to be met with some kind of obstacle. And most often, unfortunately, that obstacle comes from their own household. And it's something that you shouldn't have to deal with, but unfortunately you do.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:51

What can I leave with? For one, the unexpected in business. And like you said, a lot of the turmoil is going to be inner, it's not the outer world. And also too, for women, get in a habit or just be self-aware of your femininity during this process. To hold on to it, to lean into it and to do your best to monitor yourself, be very prayerful in this process and do things that are going to balance you in this business. And the balancing is doing Pilates, doing yoga, going for a walk, taking art classes, not reading everything about business, really relaxing. So you can bring that balance to not only your business and yourself, but also to your relationship. You know, just not knowing.

SPEAKER_08: 1:03:38

Well said. So earlier in the show, we flipped a coin. No, we didn't. But we're gonna ask you to read the outro doing an impression. Oh god. Right? And that impression was some old school.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:51

Some old man acting up.

SPEAKER_08: 1:03:52

Go for it whenever you're ready. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:54

Oh, this is harder because you put me on the spot.

SPEAKER_07: 1:03:57

Uh-huh. You fell like I fell.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:01

Look now. Go ahead and leave it, you know, please support us now. Follow the show. Now you need to go on and leave a dang on five-star review on this Apple Podcast. Nah, I ain't playing with you now. Just go on and do it. I ain't got time for this. I thank y'all for listening. We're gonna catch you, uh, we're gonna catch you next week. We just have some conversations, some real issues every single day. That's what we're gonna do every single day. Manhill matters, man. Manhood matters. We out, we out.

SPEAKER_01: 1:04:27

Yeah.