SPEAKER_02: 0:00

What's going on, family? Listen, set your calendars for next week. Next Monday, we're going to have this crazy good episode where we talk to Gen Zers, my son, my daughter, and my nephew all in their twenties, who are basically struggling through this thing called life and surviving it best they can. It's a really good episode because I know so many people who can relate. Um, either you're that age or you have children that age. So it's gonna be really, really good. But today we have a repeat episode. So many people have asked me if I can replay this one. I'm just getting nobody asked. But you're getting it anyway, because it was a really good episode, it was really popular where we're answering questions from women under 30. Y'all be messing up, honestly. So you need help. And Unk's here to help y'all out. So check it out. Share it with someone that this would help as well. Thanks for tuning in. Enjoy the episode. Let's go to the extreme to the extreme example, right? Let's say you have two very civilized people who decide to stay together for the kids and they are not fighting. Are the kids blind to the fact that there is no love between you two? You know what I mean? Is that good for them? Yeah, it's harder for you to leave than for it than it is on the kids, I'll put it that way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:18

What you're trying to fix is probably gonna be damaged the most.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21

Yeah, and when by the time you realize that, you're gonna be so pissed that you spent another five, ten years, fifteen years in something that inevitably was going to break.

SPEAKER_01: 1:31

And possibly missed your opportunity to be with the person that you were meant to be with. Correct.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35

Yeah, leave and create in two beautiful spaces.

SPEAKER_02: 1:39

I'm not gonna lie, I'm really excited about today's episode where we answer questions from young women. This is the third of a three-part series. I've got my boys here with me. We're ready to roll. Now, if this is your first time checking us out, please hit the follow button so you can be notified every time we release an episode. Welcome to Manhood Matters. Let's get right to it.

SPEAKER_01: 2:16

Let's speak a voice from the distant past.

SPEAKER_02: 2:19

Oh man, this is this was good. So we are back. We are in the living room. We're here with Leon Cohen, Delva Michel, and Justin Bradford. Um, we're gonna speak to you guys and answer some questions. These women just sent in their questions, and we're going to answer with as much wisdom, experience, and grace as well.

SPEAKER_01: 2:40

By the way, ladies, thank you. Yeah, for real, for real. Hopefully, we're providing the necessary insight you need to get what you want out of it.

SPEAKER_02: 2:47

Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for just being open and vulnerable and wanting to learn and wanting to be better. So, with all that said, I'm gonna pass it back to Justin.

SPEAKER_04: 2:58

So the question is do you think double standards are a good or bad thing? Hypocrisy. I would definitely say it's a bad thing.

SPEAKER_02: 3:07

Well, it all depends. To me, it depends on what it is that is a double standard. So, for instance, my son is 19, he's six feet tall, he's got two of his buddies, and they are going to the corner store at 11 o'clock at night. I'm not as worried. My daughter wants to do the exact same thing. She's five, one and a quarter. It's different for me. When people say there's a double standard, I think the person they're referring to is anything you can do, I can do it as well. That's true intellectually, but as far as something that's to me is common sense, we're talking safety and someone who's physically able to handle themselves versus someone who's not, I would look at that a little bit different. So I think it'll all depends on what it is that we're talking about.

SPEAKER_04: 3:49

Yeah, I think it's circumstantial as far as if it's good or if it's bad. Because the example you use perfect. It's bad. Would not make sense to say, well, they can go, why can't I go? But then also there's gonna be like the point of your girl saying, Well, you know, you can go out and have your cigar night with your guys and go to the cigar lounge. Why can't I go out to the club and party with my girls? And you're like two different things, but in her mind, she's gonna categorize it at the same and say, Well, now you're being a hypocrite or now you're being unfair and you're doing one thing but won't allow me to do the same thing, when in reality, we know intentions are much different for that circumstance. So I think it's circumstantial, but I think for the most part, I mean they're a bad thing to say everything you can do, I can do.

SPEAKER_01: 4:28

Yeah. What were you gonna say, Leon? I 100% agree in double standards. So I gave you the the the Bible premise where we weren't born equally.

SPEAKER_00: 4:38

You said the E-word. Yeah, we weren't, yeah, we weren't.

SPEAKER_02: 4:42

There are a couple of E-words. I want to touch on another one in a minute, but go ahead.

SPEAKER_01: 4:45

Yeah, yeah. We were we weren't born to be equal. So there are parameters, there are provisions in life where where double standards exist. I mean, and and the more we try to equate equality, the further we get apart in our purposes and getting on roles and get being able to get along. Because as long as two people feel like there's an equal balance to the relationship, then there's no need for the other because who's in charge? On on teams and business, two alpha males don't make alpha male, alpha woman have a hard time coexisting. Someone has to be able to suppress or, as we said, submit to the other. So I'll give you to Obama as the example. Michelle is just as uh dominant in that relationship, it seems, from the outside as Pepper Rock is. But what happens is she knows when to submit, and so does he. And that's where the equality comes from. So one is not equal to the other, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_04: 5:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 5:45

She's a wife, she submits when she's supposed to submit, he submits when he's supposed to submit, and that's where the balance comes in. What happens in that I see where the problem comes in, there's one person that always wants to win.

SPEAKER_04: 5:55

But there's also healthy double standards. It's like if she's pulling you closer to God, she's like, I go to church at 9 a.m., why can't you go to so like it's a circumstantial thing, is what I've kicked this thing off with. It's like there's so many. I go to the gym, why can't you go to the gym? Well, because that's the betterment of us. But yet again, if you're like, oh, well, you can have female friends, why can't I have male friends? Correct. Well, now it could be like, well, my only female friends are on the workplace. Your male friends are from like past relationships. Yeah. And they were like, they were like the fraternity to your sorority, like all those different things, because these are younger girls. It's like, is it gonna build you up or break you down if that double standard is applied? Because you're gonna build up your family unit and keep them safe if you tell your daughter, don't go to the corner store. But now if you say the opposite, yeah, let's have the double standard, you can go to the corner store because he goes to the well, now all of a sudden there's kidnappings, there's crazy things that happen. Right. Bingo. So now it's you're breaking your family apart because you're jeopardizing the safety of one another because of your double standard. So healthy and harmful at the same time just depends on the circumstance. All right. Next question. Can I be uh you already know it's gonna be good? He said F and started laughing. All right. Can I be a feminist? There you go. Here we go, still have a successful relationship with a man, or do I have to pick one? Can you pick one or pick none? That's my answer.

SPEAKER_02: 7:16

I I'm glad she actually said with a man, right? Because it all depends on what you're looking for. Because if you want to be the man and in that sense, then yeah, it's gonna be tough to have a relationship with a real man in the sense that we understand what a real man is. If by being a feminist you mean equal pay for equal work, I agree with you. You could be empowered, you can have all of that and yet bask in your feminine energy.

SPEAKER_00: 7:39

I have a question. Is there a blur line between feminism and modern woman?

SPEAKER_04: 7:45

Yes. Modern woman is just a woman at this time. Feminists can be even back in the day, because feminism to me means fighting for equality and some. Like people can say, oh, modern women are horrible. Well, some women are good. Like you're just saying it doesn't have to be, right? Yeah, you're you're categorizing the women of this time period that are in the dating pool as opposed to a feminist, could have existed in 1930, but she just wasn't the dominant group, so nobody paid her as much mind as nowadays with social media. If you're a feminist, you go super viral, now you have this big following, and now you're pushed out even more. Where were you going with it?

SPEAKER_00: 8:17

Um, I would say you have to pick one because although being a feminist is just by bare definition, is just fighting for women's right. But fighting for that right sometimes is blurred with equality, right? So I'll give you a quick example, right? I used to work at UPS as a loader. Physical job.

SPEAKER_02: 8:37

Me too. I did it for like three months. I was suspended three times.

SPEAKER_01: 8:40

So you guys know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. We all we all three digits.

SPEAKER_00: 8:45

Okay, so we get paid$21 an hour, just like everybody else, across the board. Women, men, it doesn't matter. And I get called by my supervisor after loading three trucks to go help uh a lady whose package is a little bit too heavy. I'm like, no, I'm not doing it. You we want to be equal. This is equality. You fought for that. Own it. It's not that I didn't want to help the lady, but I'm not getting paid anymore. I'm already tired. Not, oh no, they're too heavy for her.

SPEAKER_02: 9:11

Um that's a job that she actually got, which means she's qualified to do it. Absolutely. Right.

SPEAKER_00: 9:16

And then she was like, You don't want to help a woman? No, it's not that. It's because on the application, they asked you, can you lift 65 pounds or less? Anything over 65, you need a partner. But if it's under 65, we're good. And you said yes, you get paid exactly the same amount of money. Let's let's equality be equality. Or just tell me we're not equal and then we're good.

SPEAKER_02: 9:38

Absolutely. There's nothing that I want, you know. I've got daughters, right? You know, there's nothing that I that I don't want for my girls. There's no barrier that should be close to them because they are a woman. That just shouldn't be the case. Absolutely. But there are certain physical attributes, no different than a man decides to become a woman. Now he goes and he starts boxing in a UFC and beating women. There's a reason he's dominating. We have physical attributes, we're stronger, we're faster. For the most part, I'm being very generic here. That's kind of where our vantage stops. We accept that role. I don't particularly want to be the one who runs towards danger, but that's my job. That's my responsibility. If I'm protecting my family, that's what I do. I don't sit there and debate with my wife. I don't think about that for one second. It's my job to do that. You're kidding. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01: 10:28

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 10:28

You let him do that to us?

unknown: 10:30

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 10:30

I'm over here. Like I for the last two. But you know, but you know, the the reality is if you understand that equal pay for equal work, et cetera, absolutely, and a real man who loves and supports you is going to agree. There's no dispute there.

SPEAKER_04: 10:45

This one says, How do I determine whether or not it's a red flag or something negative that we can work through?

SPEAKER_01: 10:52

Well, I am a believer in my instincts, right? And what I mean by that is if something sounds like a deal breaker for me or is off that I need some further explanation for, my instincts usually don't steer me wrong. And I think where people usually get into trouble is where they don't listen to their instincts. So or it's a red flag for you because instinctually you heard something or felt something that raised something or a concern within you, but you chose to ignore it. And then when it happens, then you're like, oh damn, I knew.

SPEAKER_02: 11:24

They have this amazing gift, intuition. I think theirs is even more in tune than ours for the most part. I agree. And if you choose to not listen to that voice within that's on you, the biggest problem is sometimes when they choose to ignore it, it's simply because they think they can change somebody.

SPEAKER_01: 11:38

So it goes back to the state to that old saying where it says women marry a man expecting them a change, and a man marries a woman hoping they don't.

SPEAKER_04: 11:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 11:46

That's so good. That's so good.

SPEAKER_04: 11:48

That is so good.

SPEAKER_02: 11:50

Yeah. Thinking back to the question and the way it was formulated. I I think you have to first determine what your standards are. Then when you see something that goes against those core values and those principles, it's a red flag for a reason. Don't think you're gonna work through it. Now you might want to give them one opportunity to explain it because maybe you misinterpreted something. So then you have that discussion. If the red flag persists and they just tell you, no, that's just the way I am, or they're not telling you, but they're showing you. So let's give an example. I got some good ones.

SPEAKER_01: 12:20

Dude hits you and smacks you around and he's like, baby, I'll never do it again. Probably a red flag that you need to pay attention to. Most definitely done over. He's probably going to knock your head off the next time, but probably worse because you accepted that. The fact that you even stayed means that he's allowed to do it again.

SPEAKER_03: 12:36

Correct.

SPEAKER_01: 12:36

Red flag as in, oh, he left the toilet seat up and that's now how I subscribe and I asked him not to do that. Well, you might can probably that's a workaround.

SPEAKER_04: 12:44

That's a yellow flag.

SPEAKER_01: 12:44

That's a yellow flag. Yeah. Right? You know, I say I trust your instincts, but also use some some discernment. I'm not going to even say common sense because common sense ain't common. Just use some discernment in what's a red flag for you and a deal breaker.

SPEAKER_04: 12:58

To determine, I I kind of took this question as how would I answer it myself, rather than just like seeing it from her side. I said, a red flag is something you can't change. Cannot. Yes. Factual. A yellow flag is something you can change. She's value for her past. I'm going to question her more on her past that she's probably going to interrogate me on my future and a lot of my future things can change. So if she saw a yellow flag, which is a negative, which we can probably work through, she said, What are your career goals? XYZ. Ah, that's not good enough, but I know I can push him to be a better man. That's something you can work through. But if she says, What are your future goals? Well, I've been arrested 14 times, beat my last girl. You can't get through that. You're a career crime. The red flags are factual. Negatives are something that can be changed or altered with help and application.

SPEAKER_00: 13:42

I was gonna say, usually red flags you set yourself, right? For yourself.

SPEAKER_02: 13:47

Correct.

SPEAKER_00: 13:47

So what would you try to work through it?

SPEAKER_02: 13:49

That's the one right there, brother. Because what's a red flag for one woman? It's not for another woman. So if you determine what a red flag is, why are you working through it?

SPEAKER_00: 13:55

Why are you working through it? Right.

SPEAKER_02: 13:56

Next question. Cool. We said all that shit just for Delpha to come in and summarize it in six words. One liner. Other than that, we wouldn't even have to do it.

SPEAKER_01: 14:06

We're gonna move on a long time.

SPEAKER_00: 14:09

I was trying to find what to say because I'm because he it was playing in my head. I'm like, what's a red flag? This used to be.

SPEAKER_02: 14:14

That's what we talk about, right? We talk about when you're in it, you don't see it. What's obvious to you is not gonna be obvious to another.

SPEAKER_01: 14:20

Because the same women maybe like, girl, I wouldn't stay is the same one to get their ass whooped and stay for multiple times and even want to tell somebody else when to leave.

SPEAKER_04: 14:28

Next question is Is it a waste of time to date a man that's never been in a committed relationship? Basically, am I insane for thinking I'd be his first successful one? I'd love to answer this. You can answer it. Please go ahead. Because that's me. That's you.

SPEAKER_02: 14:44

Yeah, exactly. You've never exactly. Is it always a time for a woman to date you, Justin?

SPEAKER_04: 14:48

I would hope not. Exactly. Because the thing is, no, no, now I will say this to the contrary, I'm playing the devil's advocate. Why has he never been in a committed relationship? Correct. Where was his interest? Where was his time being allocated? And if you can actually see that and discern the truth behind his answer, then you'll know. Because if he's like, oh, well, you know, I was I was playing football, football players got time and opportunity and attention. So what was he doing when he wasn't playing ball? Because if he wasn't the top in his class, or if he wasn't the four-star, three-star, five-star recruit, what was he doing? But the thing is, like when you can talk to a person and get to know them, and as you talked about intuition as a female's, I mean, supernatural gift, you know if that's a good man or a bad man because it's binary. You can't say, oh, well, I mean, sometimes he's masculine, sometimes he's not. Like Monday through Friday, he's good, but on the weekends he wears a dress. What? You know? It would be crazy. So there's no, there's no flip-flopping, there's no gray area of that. He's a good man, he's a bad man, he's either gonna give you a good relationship or he's not. So don't try to like create some new standard of, well, maybe I'm gonna be the one if everything in his past has been temporary for his fault.

SPEAKER_01: 15:58

Yeah, for his fault. So going to your your train of thought, the answer to that question is you'll never know when you're going to be the one if you never take the shot.

SPEAKER_04: 16:08

In a sense, but also before you even take the shot, know the game, study the plays, see who this character is. Because it's like if you go into a game blind and you don't know they run a 2-2-1 press and you're expecting a triangle, you're like, uh-oh, new game. So like see his past, see why he wasn't. And if the reason makes sense, and it was very um logical reason as to why he wasn't in a previous committed relationship, way different. Or if he said, you know, every girl I talk to, I bring him home to my mom, my mom usually throws a flip-flop at him. Okay, well, you're probably not gonna be the next one, and you would be insane for thinking it's gonna work.

SPEAKER_01: 16:41

The biggest thing that I tell women all the time about dating and being the quote unquote one is timing is everything. So I'll give you an example. My wife, right now, so we met through a mutual friend at a birthday party that was not given at his house. But when he was given parties at his house, we were in the same place for 10 years. Like, so we would be at his parties over 10 years, I'd be upstairs playing cards, she'd be downstairs dancing, having drinks, whatever. We didn't meet. As a matter of fact, we were at a party, a New Year's Eve party that was not at his house at a spot in Atlanta and danced back to back with each other. And the reason why I say we were the reason we know we danced back to back with each other is because we knew each other's exes and we saw them at that party. Right? So we had to dance back to back because I was like, wait a minute, I saw him and she was like, Oh yeah, I saw her. So we were back to back, which is why we didn't see each other. Ten whole years. We didn't meet until we met, if that makes sense. Absolutely. Yeah, she saw me two weeks before that actual meeting at another event. We connected that night, we've been together 20 years since then. Timing is everything because had we met earlier, we were not ready for each other. Each other, correct?

SPEAKER_00: 17:50

Well, this is what I would say. For a man under 25 who's never been in this uh committed relationship, it's not so much a red flag. Correct. Over 25, 35, 40, 40. Yeah. Well, so let's stay in that 56.

SPEAKER_02: 18:07

Let's let's stay in that bracket. Hopefully, these young women are not dating 40, 50 year olds, right?

SPEAKER_00: 18:11

So it's a thing, right? Trust me. Don't put a passion.

SPEAKER_02: 18:15

Oh shit. Let's not that's I'm not that's another buggers. Okay, right. I'm just I'm just saying if a man is 25, let's not go to 35. You're saying 25 to 30. To 30, and he's never been in a committed relationship. It's a little bit of a red flag for me. Okay. Because um But what about the reason? What uh what about what he said?

SPEAKER_04: 18:32

Because I even kind of gave my own boundary of like, I don't want to have a girlfriend until I'm probably 26 through 28.

SPEAKER_00: 18:39

You're a unicorn, right? Because you focus somewhere else. But most of us, 25-year-olds, have been in at least a couple relationships, serious, easy, committed.

SPEAKER_01: 18:50

Yeah, so you have an except an exceptional drive and focus that the average person your age has. Not common, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 18:58

So what I would say to the to the to the ladies, I'm going back to conversations, intentional conversation, so thinking to get something out of it, right, for yourself. Over 25, hating 30, never had a serious relationship, and you just you just around hating the clubs, yeah. Come on, do that. There's the reason that's a reason for it, yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02: 19:19

So, yeah, so then to answer that young lady's question, if that's the reason, and he's never been in a relationship, because he maybe he runs away. So as he gets very serious, he takes off. Absolutely. Um, he's got mommy issues. Yeah, you might be insane to think you're going to be the one, especially if there's no conversations around that. Facts. Okay. But if there's a reason and that person can articulate those reasons, I get that all the time too. Yeah, and the person answers it, and you go, that's logical. Now, don't think I'm about to change that. Right. Don't do that. That's the worst thing you can do, right? So if a woman asks him this question, right, and they say that to him, he goes, Not for at least another four years. In the back of her mind, she's thinking, I'm gonna change that. We're gonna date, but I'm gonna change that. Even if it works and you end up in a serious relationship, there's gonna be resentment later on. Mm-hmm. Yep, you're restraining me from the city. Exactly. Whatever goal he doesn't hit, he's gonna hold you accountable for it and hold you responsible for at least put some blame on you because he's like, I had a plan, I had a goal, and now it's different.

SPEAKER_00: 20:15

What I would tell women, if they really want to know the answer to some certain questions, as opposed to asking, they will tell you the truth in conversations instead of straight up asking, oh, why haven't you had a girlfriend? They could tell you anything. But if you hold them to a serious conversation, they'll tell you the truth before even without even asking.

SPEAKER_02: 20:32

That is that is a refined art. I don't know exactly what you're saying. Don't ask questions directly. You could ask. Why? But the more you talk to them, absolutely. And it even if you just understand their philosophy on life, on relationships. Come on. You could be watching a movie together and watch certain things and ask them what that their take is on it. Maybe you read a book, you recommend that book to that person, hopefully they'll read it or they'll listen to it or whatever, right? And then you see what their take is. It tells you everything about them, it tells you so much more about them, and that's a great point. And I hope, ladies, as you're listening to this, it makes so much sense, you know. So I got a question.

SPEAKER_01: 21:05

Ask without asking for just since we are OGs and we date it differently than what you guys date now. From her question, how could she get that answer? It appears to me that you guys do more texting than talking. Not me, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 21:19

I'm I'm like an old soul trapped in a young body. Like I'm very direct. I get told basically on every date this feels like an interrogation. I'm like good. Because uh questions bring clarity, clarity brings confidence, so I feel like questioning has to happen for anything else to take off from there.

SPEAKER_01: 21:34

So you think that might be one of the reasons why you haven't had a serious relationship either?

SPEAKER_04: 21:38

Is because questioning and I figure out who they are before they need to show me. Two questions reveals every girl, to me at least, is I say, Oh, you about to tell them? Oh, should I give it to them? No, that's not on the Patreon, that's paid for. What are your two questions? Let's give them some special manhood matters special. What are your two questions? And they can reverse this on the guys because I go, number one, what defines a healthy relationship to you and what defines a toxic relationship? Because that shows me how she was raised. That shows me her parents, that shows me their principles, that shows me how thorough she is in her answers, because that's a deep question. And women can use the exact same question on the guy, they can ask them. And if that guy answers in two sentences, uh come on. Yeah, unless behind it. Yeah, unless he has some profound answer in two sentences, that's very rare. And the second thing I said, I say is give me five words to describe your closest friends. Because your friends make up you. You're an average of the five closest people to you. It's a cliche. Because then, like, if a girl asks me that, or I'll be like, How are your I actually, this is my third question, another boom, bomb drop, right? I say, How many of your friends aren't in relationships? Because when they ask me that question, I'm like, my friends are 30, they're married. I mean, you like everybody got a partner. Your friends are 50 year olds, right? That's the thing. Like, all my mentors are 40 plus, and all these guys got wives and three kids, and they've been happily married. Like, and then they're like, Well, why aren't you? And then I give my reasoning and they're like, I'm 22. You done I'm still a baby. But but the same thing is like they say the same thing. Yeah, they definitely understand where I'm coming from because they know I'm not friends with a bunch of the frat boys or the at I'm friends with the athletes, but my athletes are like stuck in Bible study and and playing ball. So it's like everybody I hang around is an influence or an inspiration to many. How could I all of a sudden be the be the darkness?

SPEAKER_02: 23:25

Great questions. Those are three awesome questions. Very, very insightful. You're not gonna get some surface level bullshit. You're gonna get, well, you're gonna find one or two things about them. Either they're you know, they they're adept to that person and they can answer the question, or they're just stupid. Stupid.

SPEAKER_04: 23:42

Keep it blunt, man.

SPEAKER_02: 23:43

You know, you they say certain things, you're like, what the fuck? Not even that even touch uh you know the question that I asked.

SPEAKER_01: 23:49

That's when I asked for the bell real quick. I'm like, so that's what so that's where I was going. Are these conversations even happening?

SPEAKER_04: 23:55

I can only speak from my experience because I know other dudes are taking them to like the dive bar or the coffee shop, or I don't do that. Like I'm fine dining, I'm gonna invite you out, tell you the dress code, tell you the time, more than likely get flowers depending on how our texting or call went. Because I'm always gonna call you before I see you. Because if you don't have enough intelligence, you're not gonna get my attention. So you pass the the you know piss test. All right, well, now let's meet in person. I'm gonna see your etiquette, I'm gonna see your manners, I'm gonna ask you questions, I'm gonna see how you treat the service workers, I'm gonna see if I'm gonna see if you even try to split the bill. Like, cause I'm very traditional in my way, so like I do everything in the old school way of how it should be done. So I can only say like these conversations are always held for me, first time I meet you, and that's probably what turns me away from a lot of women that could have been good quality because from the outside they look good, but from the inside it's ugly.

SPEAKER_01: 24:44

So you're so your boys, their their dating is different, right? So, what is their dating experience like? I mean, I would so what I'm trying to get to, Justice, is are these conversations the questions that we're being asked, are these conversations actually happening or are these just curiosities?

SPEAKER_04: 25:00

Not for the average man my age.

SPEAKER_01: 25:02

No. Thankfully, I ain't dated in 20 years, and all I hear about is people sliding in each other's DMs and all of this, and I'm just like, well, okay, y'all having conversation through text where a lot of the conversation can be misconstrued. You don't have no emotion, no tone, no context. Y'all using emojis, y'all using, you know, that's where that's where the emotion comes in, or all caps, and it's like the emotion is an emoji.

SPEAKER_02: 25:30

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01: 25:30

The emotion's an emoji, or or all caps, or this, that, and the other. Oh my god. And there's no context to it.

SPEAKER_00: 25:36

Didn't you see the exclamation point? Leah. Right. Not only does conversations not happening, when they do happen, they're not even full words, right? Or full sentences.

SPEAKER_04: 25:44

It's langlish. Right. What you doing? W I D. Yes. What? And this is my number one white flag. Like, cause because you guys probably heard of Snapchat at least. Like if a woman has Snapchat.

SPEAKER_02: 25:55

What the hell you mean? We know what chat Snapchat is.

SPEAKER_04: 25:57

Okay, just making sure we're not that old.

SPEAKER_00: 26:01

You probably heard of Snapchat. I guess what? I guess what? It's not wrong. I only heard of it. I never used it. I've never used it, but here we go.

SPEAKER_04: 26:11

That's like what my generation was growing up on. Snapchat, right? So if a woman even has Snapchat, done. Reason why is because it's a bunch of pictures of half your face, mere pictures, bikini pictures, random stuff. They communicate not even with words, with pictures. That's crazy. Just to keep a streak number going, saying, I've talked to him for 57 days, but what did you actually talk about? Because to my point, and this is the thing that I know I have guaranteed wisdom on the fact that these conversations aren't happening for my age and demographic, is every woman always goes, I've never been asked that. I could imagine. So let's hear you answer. And they're like, Well, I need to think. No rush. We got a meal. Yeah, we're not going nowhere. Even through text. Like when I'm vetting a girl out and qualifying her and asking her, you know, are you in school? What all do you study? Or what do you currently do? When I ask, just what are you looking for? When I ask, like, what is your intention? When I ask these through text, they're already like, ooh, he's different. But then they get in person, it's like, oh, this wasn't Chat GPT. Like, he's real deal, just coming up with questions because he cares. Exactly. Yes, sir. Well, then that was a question again. The question was, is it a waste of time to date a man that's never been in a committed relationship?

SPEAKER_01: 27:26

We addressed that. We covered that. We just went somewhere else with it. We covered that, but we're the way we the way we derailed it was because I wanted to know what you're dating his life.

SPEAKER_02: 27:37

You started interviewing Justin.

SPEAKER_01: 27:38

Yeah, I just I had a question with him because you know, I'm like, these are questions and they're great questions. They are. But I'm like, are these young women asking me? In person, are these conversations being had?

SPEAKER_04: 27:51

And I'll say this too: this this happens so much that I literally have to put a rule out there before I even ask my first question to these girls. I go, we're not playing Uno, there's no reverse. You are not gonna copy and paste my question because I'm gonna see their intellect. Because if they just take what I say and ask it back, it's a great question. What about you? I'm like, oh my god. So yeah, I heard this one before. But like when I say you have to create your own question, when I see how curious she truly is.

SPEAKER_02: 28:16

Before we move on, because we are moving on, I just want to ask this one question. Earlier, when Leon was interviewing you, he asked one of those questions, and you basically said you want to see how she's on the date. And you mentioned one thing, and I don't want it to be misinterpreted. So hopefully we're gonna lose someone and we want to go, I want to go back to it. You say you want to see if she would offer to split the bill. What is what are you expecting? Never exactly. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04: 28:38

No, no, and a lot of them will even offer on like a dessert because they're like, Oh, you pay for dinner, let me pay for like dessert and let's go get ice cream. Even to that, I'm like, my grandfather always taught me they don't touch a bill, they don't touch a door. Yeah, you go. I like that. Next question. Okay, next question, very short one says, Are daddy issues a real thing? Hell yeah, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 29:00

That's absolutely hell yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 29:01

Next question.

SPEAKER_02: 29:03

We never gotta dive into that one. The next question. Yeah, they should have asked more. It's a real thing.

SPEAKER_01: 29:07

God damn, we're not even gonna elaborate a little bit. No, we don't need to. No. No, you do, no, you do. Yeah, it's because they don't even know, they don't even know what daddy issues are.

SPEAKER_04: 29:14

Now, this is what we should do. Are daddy issues a real thing? How do you identify and how do you solve them? Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 29:20

I I don't know how to solve it, but I'm gonna tell you um, me looking a little younger than I than I am, I get a lot of people, younger girls coming to me. Obviously, I don't wear a ring all the time because I'm allergic to most metal. Uh-huh. Yeah, no, for real. And and um, I even tried the uh silicon one, they don't work. It's it stinks. So I get approach and I tell them there's nothing I could do for you. I'm a married man, da da da. They won't give up.

SPEAKER_04: 29:47

No, because it's a shortage. If they see the ring, they're gonna try even harder, actually.

SPEAKER_02: 29:50

Right. That's the thing. You look more like you're 34. So because of that, they figure I do want a more mature man, one that's like 10 years older than me. I'm 23, so he's 33. Let's go. And you Like now I'm 48. They're like, Well, shit, you look 33. And and and what's crazy about it too is like a lot of men would rather approach a woman when they know there's a daddy issue. When there's a there's been a father present that's raised them a certain way. It all depends, right? If they're trying to take advantage of her, she's an easier, much easier target if her daddy wasn't in her life or hasn't spent the time to talk to her and teach her certain things.

SPEAKER_01: 30:25

Daddy issues are real, which is the question. Um they can be good and bad. Yes, you could be, you can you can have a man that can love you, treat you well, and do the things that you need, but because you are comparing him to your father who may be a better man, you don't end up with a man because you devalue this one. I see what you're saying. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, you ain't my daddy, so you ain't good enough for me. And and there's a and and we are uh we set a hell of a bar, is what I'm saying. We love ourselves, but yes, but there is a lot of young men, which is why I mentor. Correct. Because they cannot or do not have what we have inside of us. Right. And so, because of that standard, a woman may step away or push that man aside because he doesn't measure up to us.

SPEAKER_02: 31:14

I mean, look, a a young man approaches one of my daughters, says, hello, can't look her in the eyes, looking down, can't say a full sentence. They're gonna eat you alive, those girls. Yes, tear your ass up and not even be mean.

SPEAKER_03: 31:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 31:26

They're still sweet and motherly about it, but they're gonna destroy you. Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. Right? So then, like to your point, that's why you mentor, because there's a shortage of people like to say the shortage of good men, but there's a shortage of just men, period, because they were never made to be men, because they were never shown how.

SPEAKER_01: 31:43

And we'll talk about that part in the mentoring piece, but yeah, but I just wanted to talk about daddy issues. I mean, yes, they exist, they exist. Real, real. Sometimes you can set the bar too high, sometimes you can set the bar too low and and bring issues from childhood into a relationship. So, yes, they are real.

SPEAKER_04: 32:01

I think the statistic is 54% of couples get divorced or married couples get divorced, which is at a height in our generation to where my dating pool, at least like the sexual marketplace, is destroyed by daddy issues. And I mean destroyed. I believe it. Like when I hear a girl even has both their parents and all life, I'm like, wow, you are a unicorn yourself. Yes. But this is the thing, the the effect, because that's the cause of where they end up, because now it's like what I call it, these girls look for like a literal spiritual spanking. They've never been told no, they never get told where to go when a threat appears. They never, they don't have that. So it's like they they go around all these men for like physical satisfaction, but the second they find one man that does it spiritually or mentally, now they're hooked. Now they're like, oh, even if he is abusive, they don't care. They look past it because they've never felt the spiritual satisfaction of like being led. It's not even just the provided for, it's not just the protected, it's all aspects coming from one person.

SPEAKER_01: 32:58

He's feeding a different aspect of their of their spirit.

SPEAKER_04: 33:02

Yes, absolutely. Next question. Is it realistic to think a man would date me as a single mom and he doesn't have any children?

SPEAKER_01: 33:10

That's all well, obviously that's a yes, because a lot of that is happening. For me, it was a deal breaker because I did not want to be, I didn't want to be the father to someone else's child, and I did not want to break this child's heart because I was I had no intention of being with the mother long term. I did it one time. I'm and what I mean by that is I met the child. It wasn't where we had an ongoing relationship. And if you brought that upon me too soon, that that was a deal breaker for me because I'm like, you don't even know me. You don't know what I could do to this child. And the fact that you're doing it with me led me to think you were doing it with others. And the damage as you, as we talked about, that you're inflicting on this child, you have no idea. You're creating trauma, exactly. And I know there are dudes who will take that on, you know. But if I meet a woman and she's got two, three baby daddies, I'm not being daddy number four. If a woman told me, Yeah, I got a child, but you ain't never gonna meet it, we dapping up. Love that, yeah. Love it. Love it. And the reason why is because that means you have enough respect for that child to say, until I vet this Negro out, he don't meet you. Everything. Correct. That's a woman that I can have respect for. And I'm like, you know what? Okay, maybe we can see where this can go, and I might consider it longer.

SPEAKER_02: 34:29

The question is, is it realistic to expect that a man with no kids would date you?

SPEAKER_00: 34:33

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02: 34:35

It's not unrealistic, it's not unrealistic. It's not unrealistic, but you shouldn't expect it. And honestly, you know, we wouldn't tell any of our sons to date you if you're single. You need to pretty much have your shit together.

SPEAKER_00: 34:45

Another big reason why I will say you have to be in a real great mental space with yourself and the father. Because a lot of guys, the ego will not let them allow another guy to discipline their son. Sometimes it's the mother. Well, you're not the father, you can't discipline my son. Okay, you're asking me to pay for everything for this person whom I can't discipline. I'm not saying put my hand on your son, because I don't put my hand on my own daughter, but I'm I have to have a say. I'm the man in the house.

SPEAKER_02: 35:16

I want to bring something up. All these questions are related to relationships. You're worried about bringing someone into your life, you have a child. Do you think it's realistic to you to expect that that person that you really want is gonna want to be in a relationship with you, right? So here's some advice that I gave to my daughter. Ladies, listen to Uncle Steph. This is really, really critical. This goes back to what one of my boys, Junior, on the last podcast, said he goes, You worried about the wrong shit. All right. So here's what I mean by that. I want you to to do this exercise. It's a three-part exercise. Okay? Part one, since all these questions are about relationships, I want you to take a piece of paper and write down the perfect man for you. And I don't mean surface level bullshit. Like really insightful, take time to think about it. He's a gentleman, he's kind, you know, he's altruistic, he reads, he's from a good family, he's healed from his trauma, whatever it may be. Yes, there's a certain uh look that you want this person to have. So, yes, I want him to be attractive in that way, but don't make that the most important thing, right? And have a list of at least 20 things. He's successful, he's ambitious, right? He's protective, he's a follower of Christ, if that matters to you, to where it's at least 20 things. You can break, you can be extremely granular with this. Describe the perfect mate for you. Take time to do this. I don't I want you to do it now. Pause the damn podcast, just go ahead and write everything down, and then come back and listen to the rest of this. So once you have your list, anything that you would want as a woman that really makes sense. He's a good husband, he's a good father, he he's he's considerate, all these different things that truly, truly matter to you. He's loyal. Now, once you have your list of 20, I want you to look at that list and know for sure, with absolute certainty, I promise you, you're going to meet that man. So you talked about timing before. When you meet that person, his second part of the exercise, what about you will be appealing and attractive to that man? Now, answer the question. This wasn't uh you know a rhetorical question. I want you to think about what about you is appealing and attractive to that man. Well, then answer the question in the in the present tense, even though it hasn't happened yet, right? I want you to write this down in present tense and say, I am also attractive in the sense that I take care of my body, I take care of myself, I am successful in my own right. And whatever success means to you, by the way, when I say someone is successful, I'm not talking about this person rich, right? It's whatever they they believe that definition of success is, or whatever you believe it is. Are you ambitious? Are you all the things you want to be? Are you basking in your feminine energy to where you don't feel like you have to be a man, right? Even though you're handling things by yourself, you write all these things down. That is what is going to make you appealing to that person. So the third part of the exercise, work on these things. What's gonna happen is when you run into that person and you meet that person, that person is automatically attracted to you in the same way. And by the way, you're gonna meet about 10 of them that are exactly that because that's what you attract. You've worked on yourself. The question that I asked before was why would that person be interested in someone like you? This is why. This is everything that you bring to the table and not ones that I talk about, can you pay half the bills?

SPEAKER_04: 38:40

The biggest thing is, like he said as well, it's circumstantial. If you're 40 plus, you're probably in the same boat as the person that you're talking to. They probably got a kid grown up, birds out the nest, boom, you're both good. But the thing is, if you're in if you're under 30, which these women are, and you're looking for a man of high value, and you have a child, and you know he does not, well, now you're you're pushing, I mean, an uphill battle with the you have homework to do and you need to worry about a whole lot of things other than trying to nab that person and just get the person in your life.

SPEAKER_02: 39:08

It's realistic. You gotta do the work. It's exactly you gotta do the work now. Again, like to your point, Justin, your mid-30s and up, or whatever it is, kids are like 12, 13 years old, you've already accomplished so much. Different. Yeah, and any man you meet will probably be in the same boat. It's a different story.

SPEAKER_04: 39:21

This is a lengthy one. It says, How do I set clear boundaries in my work field? It's a male-dominated environment, and I don't want to come off as a snitch when they say something inappropriate, or I don't want them to seem like I can't take a joke when I really just don't like what they said.

SPEAKER_02: 39:35

That's unfortunate that she's in that situation, and I will apologize for all men who are just inappropriate in ways because you know that that's fucked up because society in general, yeah. It feels like she's trapped in that environment. So, how do you set clear boundaries? If you just happen to go out with the team, you go out to lunch, and something inappropriate is said, I think it's totally okay for you to say it's not being a snitch, it's to be like, well, that was kind of weird or rude or inappropriate or whatever to say. Use the words that you're feeling at the time and let them know that was fucked up, dude.

SPEAKER_01: 40:05

Don't do that, don't say that it's fucked up. You can't do that in a corporate setting. You can't say that. Oh, no, no, don't use that word. Okay, because we have to preface everything. Remember, this society right now has no filter. Oh my god. You can't well say that's because you were at lunch and we were all eating and it's dinner, and somebody said something. Jim, that was fucked up. You're crazy. Not somebody getting fired.

SPEAKER_02: 40:30

Not using that HR. Right. Um, so no, but let them know that you're uncomfortable with that. And this is more true of black women than it's true of anyone else, right? I'm like, it's quite the opposite with other ethnicities. They've been silenced for so long, they've been oppressed for so long. It's just something that's innate where they kind of feel like they don't have a voice, they don't shouldn't speak because they don't want to come off a certain way. But I will tell you that you can let the person know that at that moment in time, whoever it is, or the supporters, everybody else laughing at the joke.

SPEAKER_00: 40:57

It's inappropriate.

SPEAKER_02: 40:58

It's inappropriate, dude. That ain't cool. You can say it just like that, man. That is not cool, but you know what? I'm just gonna remove myself. If you say it just like that, any reasonable, decent man is gonna be like, okay, I was trying to make a joke, but the fact that she said she's gonna remove herself makes her real uncomfortable. That person, if they have any decency to them, should come by and apologize and say, Oh, my bad, I didn't mean for that to be to come off that way, or I'm not gonna do that again.

SPEAKER_01: 41:21

What I would ask is that you would first gain clarity into what's being said by asking if it's offensive to you, what do you mean by that? Unless it's obvious to where they say, hey girl, you got a fat booty or something. That's obvious. But if it's something like a colloquialism that is just kind of an inappropriate mistimed joke, then give the person some grace. Unless this is something that they continually do. Then you might have a conversation with on the side and be like, hey, you seem to always make inappropriate jokes. I'm offended by it. I'm not going to HR, but I'm letting you know. And see if they make a difference. At first, I was gonna be like, dude, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_02: 41:59

Because when you saw where you saw him going with that, because again, you know, the whole thing about maybe you're being too sensitive, it's comes across as offensive immediately, right? Because it's just like, well, wait, you're just being a woman, you're being emotional, you're being sensitive. So that's why when you first said it, I was like, wait, what? But you you did I'm glad I let you finish your point because you did say just ask for clarity. Because there are certain jokes that may not make sense to you, and regardless of the setting. And so if you ask what do you mean by that, it's one way to start. Again, like you said, if it's super obvious, so you know you know what it is, and you know what intentions are. But yeah, there are some people who are just obtuse. Some dudes will make jokes, and sometimes it's not even the person. They say it because they're trying to come off a certain way in front of their friends, trying to be cool, trying to say certain things or whatever it is. They may not even mean it that way or think that way, but it's still if it's inappropriate, you need to go ahead and check it. I don't think you should be afraid to do it. I think you should go ahead and check it. We agree. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 42:51

Next one is not it, but it says, What is your opinion on staying for the kids in an unhappy situation? I got a good one. Ding ding ding. Yeah, y'all two guys, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 43:03

All right. I got I actually have well, I have a good one for this also. So initially, I'm gonna say what I think most sensible people would say is you should not. You should never stay in a relationship just because of the children, because inevitably they will suffer more. The relationship will be toxic, kids are not stupid, they can read through that. Now, if you're one of like one of my friends, who I know is very, very smart, and he and his wife decided to make it work no matter what, even though they're not happy, that's your personal choice. I still think it's the wrong way to approach it. I was talking to a friend years ago, right? I was going through my thing, my own issues in my relationship on my way to get a divorce. And, you know, he and I were just kind of talking about the same thing because he was going through the same thing as well. And uh we got on the subject of children, whether or not we should stay in this relationship. And of course the kids came up, like, hey man, you know, we should because I had already been married and I left a relationship that I stayed in way, way, way too long because of my children. So when I got to this situation, I was like, you know, we shouldn't repeat this same mistake. And I said, you know what? Hey, bro, children are not a reason for people to stay together. And his response to me, and it was deeper, it's gonna sound really simple, but it was a simple question that made me really, really think. He goes, Well, Steph, if children are not a reason for people to fight through a marriage and stay together, what is? It stopped me dead in my tracks. I thought about it because he made me stop, ponder, and kind of change my mind about things. And then I went, because I put so much thought into it, went back to say, still not a reason. I went back to my, not because I wanted to be right, but because again, I did consider both. At the end of the day, the kid will be more damaged long term if you're staying for the sake of the children.

SPEAKER_01: 44:44

The best thing that happened to me in my childhood was my parents divorcing on or separating December 26, 1976. Best thing that ever happened to me.

SPEAKER_03: 44:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 44:55

And it's because of when did you realize that? I realized it probably maybe six years later, probably when I was like 12, 13 years old. I was probably about 10, 11 years old. Okay. And the reason why I realized it then was because the only time that they fought, it was because of me. All of the marital shit is out the way. So my mom didn't put my dad on child support. It was, okay, I'm not going to try to break you. I don't want anything from you. I'm not taking the house. None of that. You got your own house, we're moving, but you gonna take care of him. So their only argument at that point was me. Was you gonna pick him up from school at this time? If not, yada yada, or you know, you gonna pay his tuition to go. I ain't so it was those type things. I was let so as I grew up and then I started having my own relationships, I was like, they were never going to work together. Rather than to be in that household where they like this, I always had a sanctuary because when one I could go over to one house or the other, because it was a co-parenting situation, right? So there was times where I just needed to get away from her, and there was times where I just needed to get away from him, so I had two places to go. That for me ended up being a better situation than them trying to stay.

SPEAKER_02: 46:18

I've heard several success stories too from people that I follow, you know, E.T.'s one, you know, Eric Thomas. Um, there's another gentleman I was listening to the podcast where he he became um big-time NFL player and the name escapes me. But anyway, he was, you know, and they both talk about the same thing. The separation of the parents is what made them who they became. Whether it it's whether whether it's through adversity, whether it was through just having to fend for themselves, whatever it may have been, but it made them better. It may take a while for you to realize that. But my view on it is is unshakable. Definitely consider the kids for sure, because that's that's something that you guys got together, you made a decision, you made a commitment. If you can make it work, absolutely. But if the sole reason is, well, we have children, we need to stay together full of children, you're not doing them anyway.

SPEAKER_01: 47:09

No, you're not doing us a favor. Yeah, yeah. I mean, and and you know, we were if you remember on Saturday, one of the things that one of the questions we told the kids to ask is why is it important for you to have peace at home and peace in school? I've always told people, I can't control the outside world. You go to the outside world, all cat all hell is breaking loose. It's chaotic, right? So there has to be someplace that you find peace. And if you can't find it at home, then where do you go? Yeah. So if you're in a if you're growing up in a household or you're living in a household where there's a bunch of fighting with you know parents and stuff like that, that is traumatic for a kid because they can't control the outside world. They should at least have one place they go to find peace.

SPEAKER_02: 47:55

Well, let's go to the extreme example, right? Let's say you have two very civilized people who decide to stay together for the kids and they're not fighting. Are the kids blind to the fact that there is no love between you two?

SPEAKER_01: 48:06

No.

SPEAKER_02: 48:06

You know what I mean? Is that good for them?

SPEAKER_01: 48:08

Yeah. It's harder for you to leave than for it than it is on the kids, I'll put it that way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 48:13

What you trying to fix is probably gonna damage the most.

SPEAKER_02: 48:16

Yeah, and when by the time you realize that, you're gonna be so pissed that you spent another five, ten years, fifteen years in something that inevitably was going to break and possibly and possibly miss your opportunity to be with the person that you were meant to be with.

SPEAKER_01: 48:29

Correct.

SPEAKER_00: 48:30

Yeah, leave and create in two beautiful spaces for them. I think that's better.

SPEAKER_04: 48:35

Last question is do you think a DNA test should be standard slash mandatory for unmarried couples? And why hell yeah? Yes, uh, we already answered that.

SPEAKER_01: 48:45

We answered that in the end both.

SPEAKER_02: 48:47

Yeah. Yeah, I I think you should. I think it creates that peace of mind, uh just just for yourself. Because again, if you're a traditional person living in Western society, eventually if the goal is you're getting married, you're not there yet, you kind of did things out of order a little bit. So since you're doing things out of order, it's a possibility that there was chaos in that order. And you might want to go ahead and just go ahead and get it checked. So my reason to just would be for you to know, number one, and because overall there's been so many, so many people put on child support who found out later on on the 18th birthday that it's not their kid. If it doesn't work out between you, you don't have to question that is your responsibility. Because a lot of dudes, what happens too is like once they get hit with that with those papers, the first thing they start to do is question things that they should have questioned way before. Now you want to question it.

SPEAKER_01: 49:38

They may have questioned it, they just didn't know the answer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 49:41

And now that we're not working out, well, you know, don't put the pressure on her. It just it just automatically just takes it away, just takes it out of play. And if it's mandatory, it doesn't make anyone come uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00: 49:51

And I I don't know, I don't know what in what context she asked the question, but uh uh I kind of like it coming from a woman. Well, it happened to my brother, was an he's a nurse. He almost lost his license because of a glitch in the system. You start getting paperwork, he was paying and paying and paying. And one day you received uh a letter. You in a rear such and such a mile. Showed up in court and the girl was there. They both received received paperwork. To make the story short, they cancel everything because she didn't want that to begin with.

SPEAKER_02: 50:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 50:19

But he almost lost his license because he missed a uh the the glitch in the system said he missed a few payments. He was gonna lose his nursing license and then to find out later, he's not even a dad.

SPEAKER_02: 50:31

Man, listen, I think these tests in any relationship should be mandatory. So what you want to do is you want to contact on-site labs.net. That's O-N-S-I-T-E-L-A-B-S.net. Whether you need a paternity, prenatal, or if you just have some questions regarding DNA or genetics testing, just give them a call at 833-878-3323, and they'll come to you. This is not one of those instances where you want to mess around and not find out.

SPEAKER_01: 51:12

So that Steph, you had the best solution to this that I've ever heard. And that is at the time of birth to conduct a DNA test on if you're not married. Even if you are married. More so if you are. I don't understand. I don't understand why that isn't standard that they conduct a DNA test when the baby is born.

SPEAKER_02: 51:32

Well, because I guess it's not centered because it would be infringing on, I guess, your rights as a person, but if we adopted that philosophy as a society and just say that's what we want, I I think it should be done.

SPEAKER_00: 51:42

If I'm married, I don't no, I don't want it. You don't want a DNA test.

SPEAKER_01: 51:48

Because you don't want to know that she may have No, not at all.

SPEAKER_00: 51:51

Because if I'm married to a person, that's just me. If I don't trust you, we're not even.

SPEAKER_01: 51:55

No, no. I mean So So it's not an issue of trust.

SPEAKER_00: 51:58

So it is an issue of trust because it's not if it's standard. No, but what makes it- Because you're not asking for it.

SPEAKER_04: 52:04

Because it's saying should the test be standard and mandatory for unmarried couples.

SPEAKER_00: 52:07

Unmarried couple. That I'm 100% for it.

SPEAKER_04: 52:09

Unmarried. But that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00: 52:11

If we marry, because I don't want to bring the kid into that situation. That's my story. So would you leave? So would you leave? If I find out, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 52:19

Um, I don't know. That's an honest answer. No, I don't know. So if you found out that she has stepped out from the marriage 16 years ago, and you're here today, relationship has been amazing.

SPEAKER_00: 52:30

Maybe there was a situation where she something happened and it wasn't even up to her.

SPEAKER_02: 52:35

I see what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00: 52:36

She could never bring it up to me.

SPEAKER_02: 52:37

I gotcha. I saw a movie like that once.

SPEAKER_00: 52:40

I have to give her that grace. Yeah. That's my wife.

SPEAKER_02: 52:43

Man, I love what you guys have, man. We're gonna talk about this in the next podcast because that's so powerful. That's such a powerful thing. Because the initial thing for any man to say is I'm out, but for you to kind of like say it that way, um, you know, your reaction is let me pause. Let me let me pause for a second.

SPEAKER_00: 52:58

That's what I don't mess with chicks. Yeah, mess with real women.

SPEAKER_04: 53:01

It's definitely like a reflection of his reality. Because when I hear it, my reflection is like, I've never met a great woman, so I'd easily be like, oh yeah, not even thinking about it, but you're like, all I've had is a great woman, so it's easy for you.

SPEAKER_00: 53:12

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04: 53:13

The other reason why I think it should be mandatory is because like that great saying that I was told from James, where he said, St. Bernards don't breed giraffes. It's like if I love my bloodline, if I love my father, if I love my grandfather, my mother, all the gene pool that I have inside my body, and now I'm raising some random Joe Schmose kid, and I'm wondering why my kid can't backpedal properly. Where did the drop off happen? But it's that thing. It's like I'm I'm a proud man of where I come from in my bloodline. So if I picked you to continue that bloodline and you stepped out and tried to deceive, first deception and betrayal, like in that book of Dante's Inferno, that's breaking somebody's heart. They actually did put a bonus question in there, though. That's a bonus question. Bonus.

SPEAKER_02: 53:59

We're about to wrap it up.

SPEAKER_04: 54:00

Let's get let's hear the bonus question. It said, Do you think a final closure talk is necessary after ending a relationship? I'm gonna say I think it depends on how it ended. If she cheated, it depends on it. Close that door and don't let it hit you. Yeah, don't let it hit you, baby. But um, anything else being mature, if it ended because of travel, because of work, because of disagreiences amongst the family or the wedding and the way that was gonna be. There's so many different, it's so controversial as far as like the different circumstances. But I'm gonna say if you ended maturely, it should say that. If you ended because someone was not mature, when two people argue, it's hard to tell who's the fool, right? So if you're gonna be foolish, I'm gonna let you stay those ways and keep my peace.

SPEAKER_01: 54:39

For me, and me and my wife differ on this because we've had this conversation before. She was like, it's on you to get closure, is what her saying is. She's like, it's not on and it's not for me to give it. I can feel that. And I actually agree with her. I do too. I do too. And, you know, but at the same time, I'm not a person that lives in ambiguity, but I think I at least owe you the courtesy of, hey, yes, it's over for me, I'm gonna keep it pushing, you know, good luck.

SPEAKER_02: 55:06

I actually think that the best answer to that question was given by a woman who's actually not here, which is your wife. Right. And the answer is, you know, nobody owes you closure. Right. It's on you to get it. There's not necessarily going to be a conversation about like an exit interview as to why this didn't work out. Right. Right? It is what it is. Now, if the person and you ended up, you know, you left on really good terms, like you said, the maturity's there, and you guys want to just talk about. I think to me, the only reason you'd even have that conversation is how can I grow from this? What can I learn? Why can I take with me so I'm better for myself and for the next partner that I have, and how can you be better for the next partner that you have and and and kind of go from there. But absolutely don't hold a person to it and think that they owe that to you. Also be careful not to slip back into the relationship. I was about to say, usually that's what happens, you know, usually because you know you said next thing you know, you're talking about growth, and you're like, Well, you know, you ain't so bad, man. Now that you now that we talked it up. Is that all it was what I've been looking for the whole time? That's what we got to say. Just just go ahead and move on, man. That's so good.

SPEAKER_04: 56:16

I'm glad they had that as a bonus because it was a good bonus question for sure.

SPEAKER_02: 56:20

All right, good deal. I want to send a big thank you to the ladies who sent in their questions. And I hope it wasn't just curiosity, but a genuine need to get someone else's perspective to help you grow. Now remember, we are real man having real conversations. If you're having an issue, something physical or mental, definitely contact a licensed professional. I want to thank my co-hosts, Leon, Justin, and Delva. And if you guys really enjoyed the episode, if it helped you at all, please share it with at least one friend. Thanks again for tuning in. We'll catch you guys next Monday when we discuss whether or not men can truly be faithful in a relationship. Can we be monogamous? I'll see y'all next week.