Speaker 1: 0:00

So every time I tried to unalive myself, I was under the influence. I was in a situation where I just felt nobody cared and I just didn't want to be here. Alcohol is a depressant. A lot of people don't realize that it actually impacts the neurotransmitters of your brain.

Speaker 2: 0:16

Okay.

Speaker 1: 0:17

So you're never able to as an alcoholic for 30 years, and so every time you would drink. And I tell people, when you drink, it's not just that your body is dehydrated, You've put your body in a state of depression.

Speaker 2: 0:29

Kenneth Reddick Jr, better known as Sober Scooter these days. He is now three and a half years sober, which is an incredible feat considering what he's gone through. He has survived several suicide attempts and is entirely driven by his mission to serve and help others. I am joined with my brother, jabari Pride, and I will ask that if you know anyone who is struggling with any kind of addiction, be it alcohol, drugs, sin in this episode, share it with them. Out to the brothers brunch foundation. What I love about scooter he is a very humble person and his approach is I've been where you are and I can tell you my story and we can rely on my pain as a beacon to guide you out of your tunnel in your darkness. Welcome to manhood. Let's get to it. Entrepreneurs climb real tall echoes of fine time, expressions, friends, powerful blend, tackling issues that never end. From our perspective, we are back in the building. What's going on, fellas? What's good? What's good?

Speaker 3: 1:53

Jabari. Hello sir, returning champ. What's up, bro? Man, it feels so good to be back.

Speaker 2: 1:57

Yeah, it's been too long. Every once in a while, you grace us with your presence.

Speaker 3: 2:00

I appreciate it, bro. I mean, I can't come all the time, then it just wouldn't mean anything.

Speaker 2: 2:03

Yeah, well, that sounded weird.

Speaker 4: 2:09

All right.

Speaker 2: 2:10

Scooter's been on the show before at the barbershop special that we did, yes, but now he's in the studio with us. Because I really want to focus on your story, brother, so why don't we start with you introducing yourself and tell us about where you are today, why this moment is special and what this current foundation that you have going on? Tell us what that's about.

Speaker 1: 2:30

All right, all right. Well, hey everybody, I am Kenneth Sober Scooter, reddick II. The Sober Scooter came about three and a half years ago, yesterday, on 2-2-22, when I entered my sobriety journey. But my passion and my purpose is not just around addiction, but it's also around mental health, which brings about my foundation, which is Brothers Brunch Foundation not a time to eat but be fed mental health and self-care awareness. So I focus on black men in the community, breaking the stigma, having us not just focus on the mental challenges but focusing on our mental health fitness, so that when those challenges do come to us which we all know, a lot of black men, we have a lot of challenges. That could be internal, that could be external with our families, or it can be in the communities. So part of it is building us to be better mentors for, first of all, ourselves, but then for our families, and ultimately being able to do more work out here in the community to help others and be the mentors and men that we should be.

Speaker 1: 3:42

And one of the things I say that's gotten me here today, even as a guy I met about a couple of years ago and we've stayed connected and one of the things he told me was you got to put your oxygen mask on first. So I've learned to put my oxygen mask on by first of all taking care of myself. So that's where we are. We're doing a lot in the community. We also now at my son's school, got a dad's opening doors. So even the first day of school you have dads out there opening the doors for the kids, because I truly believe that you can have other organizations come in and do different things in different settings throughout the community. But if you truly get the dads involved as my principals for Brothers Branch Foundation, a PCP positive, consistent and present we can do some positive things. But if there's no consistency, there's no presence.

Speaker 1: 4:35

And that presence starts with self.

Speaker 2: 4:37

So what you're doing with the community is super amazing, thank you. I know I've talked to you in the past. I know about your involvement, sacrificing a lot of your personal time, and I know, even with a conversation that I had with you, the first time we even talked, he went right into counselor mode because, you know, he was asking. It was just like, how are you doing as a person? And I told him I was like well, not great today and he went right into it. You know just again being totally, totally selfless. You know just again being totally, totally selfless. But I want to go back a little bit. I want to go back to the story. You know how did you become Superman?

Speaker 3: 5:08

I want to know how you got your superpowers.

Speaker 2: 5:10

What were you addicted to?

Speaker 1: 5:13

Alcohol. I was an alcoholic for 30 years and I want to just say real quick you know it's interesting that you mentioned my superpowers, because I literally yesterday was working on a presentation about black man what is your superpower? So this is right on time. There you go. You know, my addiction started when I hit college, which I believe happens with a lot of young folks. You know, we get to college, we try different things, sometimes it's earlier, but if we look at the mental health challenges, but if we look at the mental health challenges, because the other thing that I didn't mention earlier is I did attempt to unalive myself three times.

Speaker 2: 5:59

So why did you? What do you think we all drank in college. So, what was it that in your past kind of brought you to that point where you felt you needed to cope that way?

Speaker 1: 6:13

Well, and that was the thing I mentioned, those three attempts because I was touching on the mental health challenges that were there, that were undiagnosed, unrecognized, which a lot of times happen in our community, most of the time it happens in our community. So as a child just growing up, you know I was very privileged but I was very smart. So when I got put up in kindergarten to first grade, even though I was smarter, I was smaller and also that means that my mind technically, mm, hmm. And also that means that my mind technically, even though I could read and do everything very well, my emotional mindset was not ready.

Speaker 2: 6:51

Your EQ was much lower than your IQ. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:55

And so, being that little guy that didn't get picked by the best friends or whomever on the team, you know, I remember, even as a child, getting upset about certain things, running and hiding behind the bleachers and crying and all kinds of stuff. I never recognized that until I got sober I never realized that these were things, as much as I had a privileged life. And when I was in middle school and somebody called me out of my name, said, does somebody want to dance with this N-wordword, I never realized how that shaped my mindset.

Speaker 1: 7:26

And so when we talk about adverse childhood experiences, everything doesn't have to be so dramatic okay and so I coped with alcohol because once I got to college, I thought that was a way to fit in. I thought that that was a way for me to deal with my problems, and that's why I was saying the attempts on the live, because that was the first time that happened, where there should have been some type of a recognition or diagnosis then but it wasn't so.

Speaker 2: 7:55

the first time was in college. The first time was in college. Yes, can you tell us?

Speaker 1: 7:58

about that a little bit. Well, it was a situation where I felt everybody was upset with me. You know, I truly realized that and this can kind of tie into it too of something that I didn't realize. My accountability partner, about a year or so ago, sent me something about approval addiction. So I was addicted to getting everyone's approval because I was thinking I was still that little man and so anytime I would get upset or something, then I would feel as though the world didn't like me. And so this was one of those times where it was a situation where I did something wrong, Everybody was kind of upset with me and I just thought that I had lost everybody. My accountability partner too. That learned me very well after I did a presentation last. But she said, you know, she used to tell me that it seemed like I was that child, that when I would get upset I'd pick my toys up and leave.

Speaker 1: 8:50

But that was that approval addiction, Because anytime little Scooter would get hurt, I would drink more, I would do whatever you know. And then, like I say, there were just several times where I just felt that nobody cared. You know, I didn't please everybody. People pleaser, yeah, yeah. So when people weren't pleased with what I did. It would just take me into these slumps and depths of depression that I never identified them as depression. But then it was also because I'm technically diagnosed bipolar depressed. Some of that drinking was part of that hypomania because, especially when I went to the strip club, spent plenty of money. You know so that hyperspending, hypersexuality are those sorts of things that are undiagnosed, that are also addictions.

Speaker 1: 9:35

And then you know, we have to be honest, you know addiction is a trait as well. So we have to look at family history and it may skip a generation. Or you know drinking stuff. In college I didn't see my dad drink, but I learned more about his drinking patterns.

Speaker 1: 9:49

We have to look at our grandparents and one thing I say with that is when we, when we have, when we have certain things that happen with us or even our kids, we have to understand that we're all seeds and seeds are planted in us. So a lot of times it's not the externals that we have to figure out, it's that internal seed. And I literally just had a conversation with my son, my eight year old, about this, literally exactly about drinking and seeds that. He looks like me, so he's going to act like me me okay. So I've learned more through my work with my nonprofit and my dad being my COO things that he would share, that I realize now that there were certain traits about things. I just didn't see it because he healed sooner than I did on my life's journey.

Speaker 3: 10:39

Hey, you brought up mental fitness earlier. What do you mean by that?

Speaker 1: 10:45

Well, every time we say mental health in the black community, everybody want to say nothing wrong with me. But the reality is it's just like going to the gym. If you go to the gym and you're working out and your homeboy come up and grab you and be like come on man, come on man. You might be able to shake him off because you've been working out, but if you haven't been working out you can't shake them off as quick. It's just like your mind. If we don't take care of our mental health and continue to remain mentally fit, when these challenges come, I tell people I may get down, but I don't get stuck, because we all suffer different times from different levels of depression or anxiety or those sorts of things. But some of us have tougher challenges. But we all have to do the work so that when situations come grief, depression, all of those things we have to keep our minds fit so we can shake those things off easier.

Speaker 3: 11:37

That makes sense. So when you're posting your brunches, is that a time where you're really looking to strengthen that mental fitness as a group?

Speaker 1: 11:45

Exactly, and just so you know, everybody says because I do the brother's brunch, it's not too many actual brunches, it's just called a brunch because it's time to get fed, got it? So we do have those discussions and that's one of the things that I'm big on is even at self-care. So just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about, I have five principles for my mental health fitness sleep, breathing, meditation, exercise and activity. And I always joke and say you ain't gonna find me in that damn gym. I do yoga, I go to chiropractor, physical therapy, all those different things as maintenance yeah and then, last but not least, therapy, because therapy is therapeutic, not problematic.

Speaker 1: 12:30

We all need someone with a non-emotional connection to to just debrief on life on a regular basis, but the reality is we think that we don't. I don't need no therapist, it's not a need, it's like a life coach. That's what my eight-year-old son has been proactively in therapy because that actually helps me be less stressful, because I could help him navigate based on what the therapist might recommend, versus me projecting my traumas on him based on what I think is best.

Speaker 2: 12:58

That is so profound and so well thought out. I mean, I have these conversations with people all the time and I'm like damn it if I can go back 15, 20 years and just parent my kids better, because this is one example. Right there I have a 10 year old and it's interesting because, you know, I was driving her back home yesterday to her mom and we're on the road for about five and a half hours. We just talked.

Speaker 4: 13:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:20

And most of what we talked about was just you know, hey, how are you feeling about going to school, your new friends, new teachers? And she was just like I'm a little nervous, I'm a little anxious. No-transcript. And they do a much better job than we give them credit for at that young age.

Speaker 1: 13:52

They do If you allow them to. Yeah, and allow them to. We want them to be quiet and we want them to listen. Yeah, know what's best for our child? No, we don't. That's why I have a therapist, because if I think I know to make a decision, I will ask the therapist hey, do you think that his best for his age group? Do you think that his this is best for his development so far?

Speaker 1: 14:15

And see, that's mental health fitness. Already with my son, when I talk about with the brothers, like three years in a row I've done a black man's holiday relaxation with salt cave, oxygen Bar and those sorts of things. But two weeks ago my son say, hey, daddy, we haven't been to the Oxygen Bar and the Salt Cave Mental health fitness already there. You know, at night, daddy, I'm going to turn on the music, meditation music at night. You know.

Speaker 1: 14:42

Those are the things that, as I say, and when I, when I work with the dads and the kids because we did a dads and kids vision board party as well what I say is we're bridging the generational gap of mental health awareness because, just like stefan just said about listening to his daughter, we did a black men's wellness retreat age 59 to 21, and one of the young men said at the retreat you all put a new meaning on Ankh because you're listening. How many times, if you think about us, did we feel as though no one was listening? That's that mental health fitness, because, even working with my child, that heals me from certain frustrations, certain traumas or certain thoughts that I may have had, because I'm learning that you know what. Hey, he's right, that's okay I feel like that.

Speaker 3: 15:32

There's definitely a huge difference between the different generations. I'm assuming we're all about the same age come on. I'll say it slow because you guys old, you might not be able to follow um, but like our grandparents, you think about like, from that generation to our parents' generation to our generation, just how we talk to kids, how they disciplined us Like I mean I'm sure we all got the belt growing up, right, but I mean like now, like kids, like I'm not taking off my belt.

Speaker 3: 16:00

You know like it's more conversations like taking off my belt. You know like it's more conversations like, right, it's mental health. There's a lot more awareness around it. Our generation now and the younger generation, we're more quick to have conversations and figure out like what's going on, because you just and I don't know if it's the awareness like all the bad stuff that we see, maybe it's always been there but you don't hear about it because social media is a big thing now yeah so it's like no one wants their kid to be that kid, that kid that's on the news for something crazy because, then that's reflected on you as well.

Speaker 3: 16:26

So the age groups that you work with, right, I know that you do the kids and you do adults separately. Do you do them at the same time?

Speaker 1: 16:33

Well, and and you know that's always interesting because I really don't work with kids directly Most of the time most of the time is with the dads. Okay, because, just what you said, we have to bridge that gap. Yeah, and I could work with the kids, but when they go home, if there's no consistency, then what happens? And I think that that's what we run into, because you mentioned about how we've been parented everybody's not healed from that parenting and they're just projecting that on their kids. So when I do work with the youth, and mainly that's at the school, unless it's somebody in high school that somebody reaches out to me for. But I'm mainly now certified as a peer specialist for mental health in general, but also parents.

Speaker 1: 17:30

So even when people ask me about working with their child, I have to take a step back and say, okay, well, we're going to have to have some conversations too, because I need you to understand that the parenting that may have been taking place may not be because take, for instance, you work with a child, then they do something a week later.

Speaker 1: 17:49

Then it's like they either throwing you up as in well, you know, mr reddick told you such and such. Why are you doing then? That breaks a. That breaks a trust boundary there, that the child looks at me as not a part of their team but the parents. But but then also I need the parent to understand that just because I talk to your child once or twice, that doesn't mean that your child is going to be up and ready and going. I call it a holistic approach with a W because there's so much money and different things that are even put into programs for our youth, but there may be an N of one or two that are kind of like the poster kids, because the parents aren't necessarily involved. So the way that we truly increase the end for mental health awareness, mental health fitness and decrease in mental health challenges is a holistic approach and that's where I focus on.

Speaker 3: 18:43

And when you're putting together your approaches, do you ever have to make adjustments for the range of people that show up? Because if you have multi-generation people there, like we were talking about earlier, you may not be able to talk to a 60-year-old the same way you could talk to a 22-year-old right.

Speaker 1: 18:56

The thing about it is, like I say, because I don't really have to worry about the kids most of the time time. You know that's usually specific. You'd be surprised at the conversations when I have people that are in the room or on a call of 19 to 79. But the great thing about it is the elders love to hear the younger people and to understand. But it's the environment that has been set by Brothers Brunch Foundation and not that it's for the younger people to come in to just get fed by the older, because we learn so much from the young men but we had to learn to listen.

Speaker 2: 19:31

Yeah, I found that's true. Even recently I've had conversations, like I said, with my own kids, with my son, did a podcast recently here where myself and my son talked to another father and his son and then we heard what they had to say in terms of what we did right, what we did wrong, what we could have done better, what they are taking from us to their families when they have children of their own, and it was eye-opening. Man, it's kind of tough to be like you look at your son and go, hey, is anything that I did that you're going to carry with you? What are you going to reject?

Speaker 4: 20:02

And for your son to be super honest and be like well, I'm not doing that shit, you know.

Speaker 1: 20:04

And you're like damn yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:05

I wouldn't do it either right now, Right Back then I did, but I wouldn't do it now. So there's a big difference. And even to your point too, Jabari, when you said earlier, like the way we parent now you had your kids later. I was a different father at 26.

Speaker 3: 20:18

I was ready with the belt, you know?

Speaker 2: 20:20

Yeah, and that's why that's why, when my kids look at my grown kids now, who look at my 10 year old, they go she gets away with murder. Or they'll see me sit there and talk to her and reason with her and they go like are you kidding me? That's not what you did with me. Whoop her ass. I'm like no no, it's different, I'm like no, it's a different day.

Speaker 3: 20:44

I would have done the same thing if I had known better. You know, and she's not worse off for it. She's better off for it.

Speaker 2: 20:47

Yeah, but you were a kid parenting kids exactly you don't know this when you're in your 20s you swear, you're grown, you know, you don't and I gotta say, you know, I think that women in their 20s are more like us in our late 30s 100 right. So it's like, like you said, living for others. Seeking that approval and I'm children and I think I know what I'm doing, Right? Yeah, it's ridiculous.

Speaker 1: 21:06

Yeah, and you know what, and one of the things that you just mentioned about is the check, because I have one that's 25 as well.

Speaker 2: 21:12

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:12

So you know I mean having one later. I stopped drinking when my son well, I had my last binge the day after my son's fifth birthday my son's fifth birthday. So it's one of those things too that, through healing and that's what I want to say to you, steph, is there's probably some healing that's taken place as well that has allowed your mind to be more refreshed when making decisions. I tell people you can't cuss, fuss or beat you out your child.

Speaker 2: 21:40

I love that line. That's a good one, and then you trademarked that. Yet hey, I haven't, I haven't you need to, but I'm going to say officially here on the man who Matters podcast that is Cooter's line yes, yes.

Speaker 1: 21:54

And the thing about it is when those we're going to go old school, when those whoopings do take place, is that truly frustration with them or frustration with self? Because if we are in a better mindset and able to be refreshed already in our mind when that child has something, that happens, it frees us up to be able to talk to them rather than react out of frustration to them.

Speaker 2: 22:21

So what about the argument that his badass just needed a whooping because?

Speaker 4: 22:24

he did X, y and Z.

Speaker 2: 22:26

Is there any validity to that whatsoever or do you think that, at no point in time should that be is your philosophy? We should never put hands on them, no matter what happens, because it's a reflection of how we see ourselves within that kid Exactly.

Speaker 1: 22:40

I have not put hands on my son. A matter of fact, I can't even remember my daughter putting hands on her, Not to say that I hadn't. I just can't remember right now. But I can even tell now how I react to him. Now, if he's doing something, I need to grab him or something. I have to do that personal check too, to say, OK, do I really need to do this or do I really need to do that?

Speaker 3: 23:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 23:04

But it goes back to and I keep defaulting back to this mental health fitness. If we're involved, if we're present, if we truly understand our child, then maybe we won't have those frustrations because we're already identifying things that we might need to help navigate. And, like you said, steph, a lot of times that is us seeing us. And that goes back to what I said. We can't take that frustration out on them. We have to make sure that they have the tools, you know, because we think that since we run into practice, since we do this or that or whatever, that we're there for them. I put a roof over your head, I put food on your table. That's great, that's what we're supposed to do. But do we go in and sit down and play the game to see what they're playing? Do we ask them when certain things happen, where did you get it from to understand, to maybe help them navigate through the situation better?

Speaker 2: 23:58

well, you know you have a lot of parents that are absolutely trying and trying right. Think about the mom and dad, and I don't even want to go into a single parent household I'm just thinking the mom and dad are both working yeah they're coming home, they're they're gone for 12 hours, you know, work for eight and a half, nine hours, right, and then there's commute.

Speaker 2: 24:17

They get home and they're doing all of these things. They're doing homework and they're trying to pour into that kid. You see the challenge. I guess what I'm getting at is it's easier said than done. They are doing all of those things and they are pouring into their kids the best they know how, but there's only so many hours in a day for you to figure out how to also be some type of mental health coach to your kid or be more therapeutic, where it's a lot easier to just correct and reprimand rather than spending an hour in a coaching session with them. Am I making sense? I see where it could be a challenge. Okay, and what do you recommend for that? Because that's reality for most people?

Speaker 1: 24:50

I think Well, first of all, are you taking care of yourself to make sure that you are fit enough to give the energy that is needed? And we have to be intentional about taking care of ourselves. We have to be intentional on using the resources for our kids. When we talk about time, we can talk about money. Let's look at what else we're doing with our time. Do you not have that hour because you got to catch your show? Do you have that hour because you're ready to have that drink before you go to bed or go outside and have your smoke? Do you not have the resources to pay for their therapy sessions or something that might be needed? Well, it's covered under insurance, but you don't want to pay the co-pay because you're going on a vacation. Uh, you got to go out with the fellas or you got to have this drink. I think that challenges sometimes are made up by our own actions Sometimes. Sometimes.

Speaker 1: 25:43

To be fair To be fair. Yeah, you know, but it goes back to that old saying we make time for what we want.

Speaker 2: 25:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 25:50

Like even for myself, insurance wise, like I told you about physical therapy and chiropractic and all that stuff, that's a doctor's appointment but it's truly self-care. That therapy appointment it's a doctor's appointment but it's truly self-care. That therapy appointment is a doctor's appointment, but it's truly self-care. So I say it's a challenge when you haven't utilized the resources that are at hand for us and our families to be well.

Speaker 2: 26:14

And what you're speaking on right now is just having your regular medical benefits and using those to the fullest.

Speaker 1: 26:21

Yes, because see, we use health insurance like car insurance. What do you mean?

Speaker 2: 26:26

If something go wrong, you pay it every month, I see, and if something go wrong with your car then you go and check it out.

Speaker 1: 26:30

Then you go and check it out. Health insurance are benefits to benefit us and our family Benefits get us ahead. So when we talk about challenges, we got a lot of benefits to help us prevent certain challenges in life that we don't utilize. So that's why I say, yeah, some. Some may have some true, true challenges, but this challenge might be the challenge that you didn't use the resources for everybody to be well. Yeah, so that's why I try to remove some of the things to be well. So that's why I try to remove some of the things and I always speak from a peer as of what has worked for me and how I'm better, and I know different people do have different challenges, but at the end of the day, if we don't utilize our resources, everything can be a challenge. Yeah, Scooter.

Speaker 2: 27:19

I want to take it back a little bit to the making of the superhero. I want to go back to that and I know it could be challenging. And if it is, just let me know. You talked about three attempts. You talked about the first one in college. What led to the other two? How did you survive the other two? What got you out of that rut that you were in and what got you through the time period from the last attempt all the way to three and a half years ago to when you became sober?

Speaker 1: 27:44

The sense of hopelessness. I talked about the approval addiction, the sense of addiction. Alcohol is a depressant. A lot of people don't realize that it actually impacts the neurotransmitters of your brain. Okay, so you're never able to. As an alcoholic for 30 years, my mood was never regulated, and so every time you would drink and I tell people when you drink, it's not just that your body is dehydrated, you've put your body in a state of depression, and that's what I never was able to push through yeah was continually putting my body in a state where my mind, my mood, was never regulated.

Speaker 1: 28:24

I could easily slip into depression. I mean, I used to go down for like a week at sometimes, and depending on what it was that had triggered me fear of being in trouble because of alcohol and a situation I might've gotten in, and I just thought I wouldn't get out of it. And it was the only way. As my dad said one time, every time I drank I didn't get in trouble, but every time I got in trouble I was drinking. So every time I tried to unalive myself, I was under the influence. I was in a situation where I just felt nobody cared and I just didn't want to be here. And so three and a half years ago, when I went on my last binge and I ended up at the inpatient unit, my dad had always told me son, pray that the taste be removed from your tongue. So mine was that true spiritual awakening that a power greater than myself restored me to sanity. Now I'm not an AA-er. I haven't been in about 15 years.

Speaker 2: 29:22

I was going to say so. What happened three and a half years ago? Is that what you're about to go into?

Speaker 1: 29:26

Yeah, so I went out on my last binge for three days, ended up going to see an old friend after I came off the binge. I don't know why God, but I know why. But God led me there. You know I was sitting next to a homeless guy at my old liquor store, you know, drinking, getting cussed out. And then I just went by the old apartment and then I got a call from my psychiatrist that I didn't realize I was supposed to have an appointment that day. I'm thinking somebody had been called her, tracked her down and she said what's going on? I said I've been out on the bench for the past three days. I said I think I need some help. She said and so we called my daughter on the phone on three-way, and my daughter came and took me to the detox center inpatient. And one of the things too was that first day that I woke up there and I saw the doctor, my blood pressure was 163 over 103.

Speaker 4: 30:22

Is that good or bad?

Speaker 1: 30:23

Man, that sounds horrible. That stroke People in there like man, how you even walk around with this oh wow People in there, like man, how you even walk around with this.

Speaker 1: 30:31

You know, and I truly believe that my journey and my testimony at that point I needed to see what the inside was like so that I can be able to relate to people, like now when I go and I speak at the inpatient units every Tuesday. That's what God had destined for me, for that to be the end of my journey, and that date was 2-2-22. The four twos represent the sign of the angels peace and adversity change in your life. So a lot of times it's kind of tough for me to explain exactly what or how I got through, because God brought me through at that particular date. But I realized that I had to be present for myself. I never did that. I was always trying to save people, always trying to please people. So what really got me to the point to make that difference was number one I stopped drinking. I started to learn who Scooter was. I was very successful. I was a 25-year pharmaceutical rep, executive sales rep, platinum performer, as a black man built two brand new houses in his lifetime. But I wasn't happy.

Speaker 1: 31:37

I didn't know that because everybody loves Scooter, everybody wanted Scooter to be here, there, but it was almost like I was being a monkey in everybody's circus and I never even said that before. But as I think more about it, that's pretty much how it was, because now I don't go out, I don't do things like I used to, because I'm happy and I'm pleased with me and I'm at peace with myself because I found my true purpose.

Speaker 2: 31:59

Were you spiritual prior to that moment, three years ago?

Speaker 1: 32:03

I'm more spiritual now. Right, I was more religious then. Okay, I mean, I grew up in the church. Now I may sit and look at three different services and receive what I need to for my spirit, right. So I didn't worry about spending the time now, even though I am a member of a church. But it's not like I feel as though I got to find the right church because I am more spiritual now. Do I love to go in for fellowship? Yeah, like I said, I went today. Yeah, but I watched two services before that. So that's why I say it's a difference between spirituality and religion, because religion can be a divide which brings about a whole nother mental level of stress.

Speaker 2: 32:49

Yeah, that's a whole other podcast, yeah I was asking because you have people that, when they're at that point where they need to make that leap, right from you know addiction to sobriety.

Speaker 2: 33:03

Sometimes they need that extra yeah thing, that thing that you can place your finger on. It's the divine, it's something else, and I guess I'm asking if they don't have that, what do you recommend? Because not everybody is from that place. Some people are atheists and they're struggling with that, and it's all good people. You mentioned that you felt a calling pull you through, you know. So how does someone else who doesn't have that cope in that situation?

Speaker 1: 33:31

Well, you know, it's always a tough question because everybody's healing journey is different, and that's one thing is, you know, if you talk to a clinician, they might give you advice. If you talk to a peer, I'm more of a person that helps navigate through my lived experiences.

Speaker 2: 33:43

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 33:44

And so what I'd say to that is we've been programmed anyway mind, body, spirit. In that hierarchy, the spirit is last.

Speaker 2: 33:53

Well, that's upside down.

Speaker 1: 33:55

Thank you, that's what I was going to say. It should be spirit, mind, body.

Speaker 4: 34:00

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 34:00

I know I was doing. I think on the previous podcast we were on, we had somebody even say well, why is the spirit and mind separate? Because I mentioned this before. But you know, once we get out our minds and stop trying to figure everything out, then that lowers the stress level some and therefore it I don't have that impulse to drink. So I would say that for anyone, and I don't.

Speaker 1: 34:22

I don't get into debating who your higher power is when it comes to addiction and sobriety right just as long as you're listening to the spirit and not the spirits, then I think that there can be some forward progress.

Speaker 1: 34:37

Yeah, but we have to truly remove those things that are hindering us from having a clear mind so that we can truly listen to the spirit. Now, what I do recommend to people is to, because number one is that sleep most. Most of the times when you're going through these things, the main thing you say I'm just tired, I'm just tired and we really are tired. So once we start to sleep and get that rest, that's one angle. But then also, when I talked about that meditation, you know what are we doing to soothe our minds, to not be as stressed, so that we don't drink, so that we don't use drugs, so that we don't go to porn. I mean, that's a whole another. That could be a whole another conversation. But we're talking about addiction and how do we move past addiction? Right, and then it's always being around those people that have made it through.

Speaker 3: 35:28

And be careful of who you speak with, because those that haven't gone through it probably don't have the answers sure would it be safe to say, I guess, to kind of answer your question if they don't have that uh spirit or being that's greater than themselves to find either a loved one?

Speaker 1: 35:43

yeah, this conversation right here is power greater than ourselves. Yeah, it could be a peer group accountability.

Speaker 1: 35:50

Accountability. Yeah, I mean it, could you know? Hey, whatever, two or more join together. I mean, it doesn't just just find something that is greater than you trying to go through it by yourself. Correct, that is going to feed your mind appropriately. So one big thing for me is peer groups as a higher power. So, if you want to add directly a suggestion, I'm in two to three peer groups a week, no matter if I'm leading them or not. Mental health recovery or whatever.

Speaker 2: 36:19

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 36:20

That goes back to the maintenance and fitness. What I'd work with folks on is making sure that we're putting the right tools and the right agendas and just making sure that we're consistent.

Speaker 3: 36:32

Are you typically seeking out people or people finding you? How does one get into the foundation?

Speaker 1: 36:38

Well, I mean, some people get referred but, like I said, it's not too many people that I don't meet. Sometimes I meet people two or three times and they say, remember I met you at? I say look, I just don't want a brother to be left. I'm a boots on the ground street ministry.

Speaker 1: 36:56

I'd rather be going out to barbershops than to be planning an event, because the reality is how many people actually come to events? A lot of times, yeah, you get the people that are there doing the event, you get the people that are supporting the people at the event, but the people that I want to seek are in the barhops, maybe even in church, at the gas station. So I'm always seeking people because I never know I mean, I've got homeless guys off the streets to go to recovery, at least assist them with something. We are truly a street ministry. Thanks, that's really powerful.

Speaker 3: 37:27

Do you have a limited amount of spots? Do you ever fill up or is it something that, where you can, you can handle as many people as need help?

Speaker 1: 37:33

Well, and then the thing about it is that when we talk about the kickstart, of course it takes funding, because we've actually paid for men to do therapy, recovery sessions. Just if people, if they say, hey, school, I'm just going through something, I might say, hey, just meet me at the spa, let's get some oxygen, let's get some oxygen, let's get some salt k. So a lot of that work depends on the funding. But I do work with other organizations, like black man hill, where, if I need to link them up there or something so, but as of events, um, I'm not one that tries to fill the auditorium.

Speaker 1: 38:04

I'm big on the intimacy because I don't like to leave where somebody's feelings, though their question was an answer. The most I've had, probably, at any event, is maybe 40, but that was a mixed crowd. But most of my men I try to keep them maybe around 30 at the most, just because I want to make sure that we're able to sit and talk together. In the three years I've been doing this two years of official non-profit I haven't had a speaker. Everything is about conversations. People say, hey, you want to, I could come in and do a pre-test. I say you come in and be a part of the conversation. If you look at my business card, it says I'm a motivational conversationalist.

Speaker 4: 38:48

Yeah, yeah, because I don't have the answers for you.

Speaker 1: 38:50

That's why I don't use the word help I I don't. I don't have the answers for you. That's why I don't use the word help. I don't help men, I support them, you know, because I don't have the answers. You know the answer lies within you most of the time. So once we get in those conversations, I want to make sure that anybody can speak. So is there a limit? No, but am I worried about how many people show up? I've had one person show up two different times and it was one of the most impactful. One of the times we did get a man off the street that night.

Speaker 2: 39:17

Oftentimes, when we hear about addiction and someone goes sober, there's a relapse. What has helped you to keep you on the straight and narrow, so you never relapsed?

Speaker 1: 39:30

It's funny. Something just came to my head as I like what I see in this new world, because I always say coming into sobriety. It's like dorothy and toto. We're not even canvassing no more but I've truly appreciated this peace that I have now. I literally said yesterday I'm like I was talking to shoot. That might be when you called me yesterday and I was like man, I said't never made it to three and a half years before I said it's his feeling, you know, I mean it feels good and now that I can truly see my purpose ahead.

Speaker 1: 40:01

But just take a glimpse at my past and not be stuck there. It gives me just enough glimpse to know, Scooter, you don't want to go back there, you. It gives me just enough glimpse to know, Scooter, you don't want to go back there. You feeling too good. Now Scooter Trey is seeing you. Scooter Trey says my daddy's three years alcoholic free, my daddy stopped drinking when I was five.

Speaker 2: 40:22

Yeah, Sorry brother.

Speaker 1: 40:23

No, don't be sorry, man, this is what we have to do. Man, it's all right, this is what we have to do. My son can save. My daddy stopped drinking when I was five years old.

Speaker 2: 40:31

Yeah, it's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1: 40:32

I don't want to. I took my oldest through enough that now we can sit down on Tuesdays and she just takes me early. Are we still on for Tuesday? I can meet her for lunch and we talk about me and her yeah, Things that haven't. I was there but I wasn't present yeah I don't want to lose that presence.

Speaker 1: 40:55

I don't want to lose that presence to myself, I don't want to lose that presence to my family. But I had to surrender. Like I said, we were just talking about christian religion. You know I don't want to say god, but I always say when people say school, are you doing this? I say god did because I realized that this thing is greater than me and when we find our purpose, we find our peace. And I stopped chasing everything else in the world. You know that external would kill us man, and I did it for a long time, trying to get to a certain status, trying to do certain things, but now I don't have all that anymore, but I'm at peace.

Speaker 2: 41:32

So, someone going through what you went through all these years, I think what I'm hearing you say is the way they find their strength and the way they find a way to stay on the path is to look at what they're becoming and their purpose and who they are in that moment and not be stuck and be triggered by things of the past.

Speaker 1: 41:49

Yeah, and just like you mentioned that triggering, triggering is lessened when healing is increased. Say that again Triggering is lessened when healing is increased. We become triggered because there's something inside that's still there that causes us to react that way. So that's another part of how I'm able to stay where I am, because I realize that healing is not a destination. Healing is a continuous journey of life and I have to continue to do the work so that I can continue on this healing journey, so I won't be triggered, so I won't drink. So that triggering is very important because most of the time is when we trigger it, it gives us those setbacks that ends us back up in the trap of life. It's in us, okay.

Speaker 1: 42:37

So the work has to be done within. You can't fix that, you can't do this. You got to have that healing that comes within. That's what's going to cause a lot of pain to at least be lessened. You know, and you say I'm careful with the words. I didn't say diminished, I don't say stop, I say lesson, because there's still going to be things that may be there yeah but, like I said, it's the magnitude.

Speaker 1: 43:01

So let's magnify the healing and stop magnifying the issues.

Speaker 2: 43:05

Right, you mentioned a few times already everybody else is welcome, but you focus on black men now what when we talk about the challenges that black men face as far as mental health? How is that different than anyone else?

Speaker 1: 43:19

Well, the seeds that we have in us, the seeds that go back to slavery, that are unhealed, that have been birthed and birthed and birthed and birthed for generations, yeah, we like the caged eggs in the grocery store okay everybody want the uncaged eggs because you don't have the stress and hormones of being in that cage.

Speaker 1: 43:42

we, the caged eggs, we got those stresses and hormones that just keep being birthed and passed along. Yeah, so until we heal and that's why I have my son proactively in therapy, yeah, and, like I told him, I don't want you to have certain things that daddy may not have done right, that are birthed into you. It's five to six generations of unhealed birth trauma.

Speaker 2: 44:06

At least At least. Yeah, that's what we face and that's the thing At least, at least yeah.

Speaker 1: 44:09

Plus what we face. And that's the thing. And when you think about the externals that we have to deal with, we can't deal with the externals that's going on until we get some healing on the inside. We just talked about that triggering, right? So we keep getting triggered as black men because we have the seed that's in us. We're faced on what's going on with the externals, so when we react to it based on the unhealing, then we end up in those situations.

Speaker 2: 44:35

what do you have to say to the black women who, listening to this right now, are thinking well, obviously we need healing too, but what I'm what I'm thinking is they're hearing some of what we're thinking and how to cope with the black men in their lives, if that makes sense. So what do you have to say? To them for the black men in their lives, if that makes sense. So what do you have to say to them?

Speaker 1: 44:52

For the black women even to deal with a black man. Let's make sure that we are all healing, because there's so much projection on the black man and what they're doing. But I believe that it's a culture that needs to heal, but I believe that it's a culture that needs to heal. So a black woman can't even assist a black man in healing, or even giving grace or understanding, if they haven't given themselves grace and done their own healing Right, because they have their own set of issues Exactly. So you know, that's kind of a difficult question because it depends on where they are in the journey, where the black woman is in their journey, because a black man could be on a healing journey, but then the black woman doesn't want to give grace because she's still hurting. Yeah, and I think that's what we face too. There's a certain time when black men being black men and going through and start a healing process, and then the woman may not want to give grace because they haven't healed.

Speaker 3: 45:55

But if you are healed, or healing or healing yeah, because I did say we're not journey, yeah, yeah thank you, thank you, thank you for correcting me on that.

Speaker 1: 46:04

Well, that's swift right now. I like that, you know. So I mean, if, if, if you are healing with grace of understanding what you have had to go through along your journey to get where you are, give that man that same level of grace. But also and this question came up about even the approaching people and saying certain things. Saying certain things, let's make sure that we're not only prepared to assist them along their journey, but be prepared to receive whatever response you may get along that journey as well, because when we help, we're looking for an answer or a solution for them, but when we support them, for them, but when we support them, we're truly trying to understand how they are feeling and what may be the best situation for them also, you need to be prepared to welcome who they are becoming.

Speaker 1: 47:02

There's going to be some transformation yeah, I mean, and that's, and honestly, that comes in relationships in general and I can speak very candidly about that because a lot of people when I say I do certain things, sometimes they're responding or their feelings are about scooter not sober scooter OK, and that's where I have to coach a lot of people too in understanding that everybody is not on the same healing journey.

Speaker 1: 47:29

And sometimes even on our healing journeys, through things that may have happened, we might have peeled a scar off, a wound to somebody and through that part we have to understand that. And this goes for the black men too that are healing, because we were talking about it, black women understanding. But we have to understand that when we start healing, everybody's not going to understand where you are on your healing and that could be very triggering too. So the black man has to understand that she may not be where I am and I can't let that hold me back from my progress because I have to put my oxygen mask on first yeah but the woman or whoever is dealing with that person in that relationship, has to understand that I'm seeing a brand new person evolve scooter, sober, scooter.

Speaker 1: 48:20

I am a brand new person. I've totally been reinvented, yeah, and everybody has to understand and some, as one person told me, everybody has to understand that when it comes to that fork in the road with somebody's making that change, everybody can't go. That could be a spouse, that could be a child, that could be a community, it could be anyone.

Speaker 2: 48:40

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 48:41

But that's a part of that healing journey and you have to not just give the grace in the wrong, but you got to give that grace in the progress. Nice.

Speaker 3: 48:53

You mentioned earlier that your foundation is a nonprofit right. So anyone listening, if they wanted to donate, that'd be a tax write-off, correct?

Speaker 1: 49:01

Oh, yes, it would be, it would be.

Speaker 3: 49:03

Let's throw that out there.

Speaker 1: 49:04

Hey, a matter of fact, on my soberversary yesterday, I said, hey, it's 42 months. If anybody wants to donate, $42, it was 1,227 days. I said, if anybody wants to, hey, you know, hey, be definitely. You know, hey, appreciative and grateful, they can do that, you know. So, yes, it is a nonprofit and so we do operate on, you know, grants, donors, sponsors you know we're always looking for. You know, monthly donors, as we have. You know, men that need therapy. You know men that may need self-care at different times, me also being a mental health peer coach, I also do individual coaching sessions with some of them.

Speaker 3: 49:47

So and how would they reach out to you, to or the foundation to make sure that you received?

Speaker 1: 49:52

First of all, we are on Givelify.

Speaker 1: 49:55

That's our main, but a lot of people don't know about Givelify, but the link is on my website. But Givelify is a nonprofit donation site where if there's a nonprofit that you're interested that is registered. You just go in a lot of churches on it different nonprofits. But on the website wwwbrothersbrunchfoundationcom, you just go to the website, click on the link to donate and it would be graciously appreciated. Yes, where else can we find you Brothers Brunch Foundation Inc. On Instagram as well as Facebook. We are on YouTube building up that site as well and, like I said, the website, instagram, facebook. Hey, you can find me If you need to look up Sober Scooter. Sober Scooter pops up too.

Speaker 3: 50:41

Hey kids, like and subscribe Yep.

Speaker 1: 50:42

Hey.

Speaker 2: 50:44

Any final words from you, brother?

Speaker 1: 50:46

I just want to say, first of all, thank you all for having me here. I'm truly grateful. I'm always willing to share my testimony, because I never know who's listening and it might help. This can be done. Addiction can be overcome, mental health challenges can be lessened. But don't forget, you got to take care of yourself first. Self-care is not selfish, sobriety is not selfish, and always remember to put your oxygen mask on first. That's what's up, man.

Speaker 3: 51:14

I want to say thank you for sharing. I can tell a big part of your message was to take care of yourself first, but obviously when you're talking about your son and your children, I could tell that that's another big reason why you did what you did or had to do yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 51:26

I mean that is my family's, my wife. You know I can that and that's, and that's what keeps me going. A lot of reels. I do this song Keep going, keep going. And that's all I think about is just hey, keep going, because there's many times when I didn't want to keep going. So, yeah, I talk about myself, because if I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of them.

Speaker 2: 51:46

Yeah, all yeah, all right, traditionally when we end the show. You know this, you've heard the show and I flipped the coin earlier when you weren't here, and you lost Scooter.

Speaker 1: 51:57

See, that's how that went, of course.

Speaker 4: 52:00

Went no coin.

Speaker 2: 52:03

So I got the outro notes. You just got to read the outro notes and do an impression of whoever you want. Who are you going to be Scooter?

Speaker 1: 52:12

I guess I'm going to go ahead and do the Bill Cosby All right.

Speaker 2: 52:17

Cosby show All right, you ready, yeah, we ready.

Speaker 4: 52:20

Please support us by following the show. Leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you so much for listening. Star review on Apple Podcast. Thank you so much for listening. We'll catch you next week when we share conversations surrounding real issues we deal with every day manhood matters. Don't forget your pudding pops. We're out. There you go.

Speaker 3: 52:51

That was good, you had it, though, with the pudding pop. You had it though, with the pudding pop.

Speaker 2: 53:15

A quick message, as always. The reason we do this show is for educational and entertainment purposes only. We are not therapists and we don't claim to be. If you are struggling with anything, especially given the nature of this particular episode, the nature of this particular episode, please reach out to a licensed therapist, doctor or any other organization that is qualified to help you deal with your issues. But we do send you our love and our strength. Talk to you guys next week.